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Balancing dream internship with long distance relationship

uhhmuhuhhmuh 1 replies1 threads New Member
edited October 14 in College Life
Hi there, I'm entirely new to this site but am in desperate need of some consolidation so here goes. In the last week, I was contacted, interviewed, and offered an engineering internship in Silicon Valley that will start in the next couple of months. This is a dream come true for me, but it's all happening so fast. I need to relocate to the US from Canada for 8 months. At any other point in my life, I craved packing up and moving to somewhere new to, in a sense, "re-birth" myself. Except now. I am in a 1.5 year relationship with a boy whom I love intensely. We were both set to graduate together this year, and figure out the rest of our lives after that- me to grad school and him to find a job- probably. I've been anxious about that day coming and suddenly its so much sooner. This feels like the last three months where I am certain that we will be geographically close to each other. I know in my heart of hearts nothing can make me give up this internship opportunity, and my bf is incredibly supportive and happy for me. But I can't help being so damn afraid of how long distance will be, and if our individual paths will continue to diverge when I am required to finish my last semester of school after this internship. Has anyone been in a similar boat? Honestly I need some affirmation that this can work- especially after I read a stat that on average couples break up after 4.5 months of long distance ... :(
edited October 14
15 replies
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Replies to: Balancing dream internship with long distance relationship

  • fin_newtyfin_newty 2 replies0 threads New Member
    I had a similar position as you, I graduated college, but my girlfriend didn't and I was in the position where I was going to work in China for at least a year. I can't promise that it will work honestly, but I'll share what happened in my relationship. We decided that it was for the best that we break-up when I graduated, in light of the same statistics that you read. We stayed that way for only about two months when we just admitted that the entire time we broke up we never stopped messaging each other and talking.

    Now we've been long distance for the past year and a half with my only occasional visits maybe every 4-6 months. I think we were able to make it work because we made the decision to break up and didn't try to force the relationship to work, rather we realized that we could make it work and got back together.

    Long-distance relationships can work, but they're work and an obvious test for your relationship. Just remember that there are seven billion people on the planet and that 90% of a successful relationship is timing.

    Good luck.
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9382 replies502 threads Senior Member
    What do you fear more? Giving up your dreams, or worrying about something that may or may not happen? If it’s meant to be, it will be fine. It’s not permanent. Tons of couples get through these things, tons more don’t.
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  • lookingforwardlookingforward 34514 replies383 threads Senior Member
    Assuming you're female, it's important to build your successes and future. There will be many challenges and unexpected difficulties in life and your grounding can carry you through those.

    In grad school, my bf and I were separated for a year, schools on different coasts. Later married. If the relationship is solid, it's tough, but doable.
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  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 7620 replies61 threads Senior Member
    My now H and I parted ways multiple times in college for internships. If you are both committed, the relationship will thrive despite the distance. If it doesn’t, it probably would’ve ended even without the internship.
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  • CheddarcheeseMNCheddarcheeseMN 3411 replies11 threads Senior Member
    Seems like you could start planning some fun trips for bf to come visit. My spouse and I got along very well when we were apart for job reasons - we saw each other maybe every 3 or 4 weeks and enjoyed seeing the different parts of the country where we worked.
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  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff 4451 replies18 threads Senior Member
    edited October 14
    Been there done that. DO the internship.. Period.....

    We were dating and away from each other for at least 2 years got married I started my residency in a different state. After we got married she moved to a different state to do her residency and I started our now practice for 31 or so years.

    If you don't do your program you will always wonder "If".... Don't live life like that. If he is supportive now that is what makes your relationship stronger.....

    Just plan for some trips /breaks to see each other....... It will work out...

    In the "old" days we used the telephone and talked for hours. You guys have it so much easier with video conferencing etc.....

    It will all work out. Follow your dream.
    edited October 14
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  • Rivet2000Rivet2000 1132 replies3 threads Senior Member
    Take the internship. This is a no-brainer.
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  • bopperbopper 14122 replies100 threadsForum Champion CWRU Forum Champion
    Take the internship.

    If this is true love, he will be there when you get back.
    If not, be glad you took the internship.

    Unless you are married, don't plan your life around someone else.
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  • PublisherPublisher 8514 replies91 threads Senior Member
    OP: Take the internship because it is important to your future career & because it is within your control.

    Yes, being apart for 8 months does jeopardize your relationship, but that is not something within your control. It is, however, much easier to maintain a long distance relationship in this era of social media, cell phones, video conferencing & easy access to air travel.
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  • CaMom13CaMom13 1876 replies12 threads Senior Member
    There are so many ways to stay connected these days! I know several couples who have gone that route for a year or more. video "chats" and texting are both ways you can stay close when you are physically apart.
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  • uhhmuhuhhmuh 1 replies1 threads New Member
    Thanks for your help everyone... really didn't see it coming but he broke up with me because he didn't want to commit to long distance anyways so I guess it's no longer a problem..
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  • PublisherPublisher 8514 replies91 threads Senior Member
    edited October 18
    Sorry to read that you all broke up.

    Should make the move more exciting for you.

    Stay cool. Sometimes people break up & then get back together, and sometimes they don't, but, either way, it is always for the better even though that may not be easy to understand now.
    edited October 18
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  • GoatGirl19GoatGirl19 327 replies5 threads Member
    So sorry to hear you broke up. Go do awesome at that internship!
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  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff 4451 replies18 threads Senior Member
    Sorry, but this is why you do you. This could of happened without you taking your internship. Go do something great.
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  • MeddyMeddy 507 replies35 threads Member
    @uhhmuh I'm sorry about the surprise ending. We have a saying in Spanish about long distance love, "Amor de lejos, amor de p....". I just realized that it is possible to translate that last word into an English profanity, so I won't finish it off. I wish you the best in this next chapter.
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