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Will I ever get my footing on campus?

KjesuspKjesusp 3 replies5 threads New Member
I just transferred to a new school and it been a month and a half and I still feel out of place. I feel like everyone has their friend groups already and I've tried hanging out with people and staying in contact with them but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one making effort. For instance, I haven't seen my one "friend" in like 2 weeks cuz shes been busy with her boyfriend and stuff for the longest time. Like our schedules never line up. I tried to join theatre and I feel like I'm finding my footing there but even then they all have their groups within the groups and honestly I'm too scared to ask any of them to hang out outside of the theatre. Theyre also all older than me. Like I dont know what to do. Im so used to having a friend group at home that i always hang out with. But here i dont have that and makes me feel super out of place.
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Replies to: Will I ever get my footing on campus?

  • collegemom3717collegemom3717 6845 replies60 threads Senior Member
    Have patience with yourself- and your new community. You have been there the equivalent of a wet week, and irl no place becomes home, and nobody becomes a (real) friend in that time.

    And, congrats:: you are doing the right things- just do more of them!

    If you've done theatre before, you know how the different areas- sets / costumes / lighting / performers / etc., etc. weave a pattern of working separately at first with more and more crossover as opening night gets closer and everything gets more intense. You *are* the new person, the outsider- and the way you become an insider is the same way that everyone else has: by being a part of the process and seeing it through.

    Studying with others is also an extremely good way to get to know people. Keep it simple, with no expectations that your study group is going to become friends: assume that it is just a group of people who all want to do well on the same test. Over time you will figure out who stays a study buddy, who becomes somebody you do other stuff with, and who - with time- becomes an actual friend. Pay particular attention to finding study buddies in classes that are linked to your likely major- as you move up, you will have more and more classes with your fellow majors, and often that ends up being a key friend group. Most people end up with several friend groups- fellow majors, from your hall/dorm, from your favorite EC, from a campus job and so on. By the end of four years your core friend group may have people from any / all of those friend groups.

    Finally, another way to make campus feel like 'home' is to pick a couple of places- say, in the library, in one of the eating holes, an outside place, the common room in your dorm- and go there on a regular basis. So, after X class, go to Y place regularly. Same time, same place. Very quickly you will get to know the rhythm of that space- the people who are usually there, where you prefer to sit, etc. Drop places that don't start to feel comfortable to you after a few weeks, and try some others. Soon you will know where you like to be in a range of college spaces.
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  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 1801 replies26 threads Senior Member
    Hang in there. I know it's hard. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Settling in as a new student isn't easy (as you know) and takes time.

    Sometimes we always feel like we are finding our footing. I once had a job where I never really felt as if I found my place. After 7 years I happened to be getting married. My co-workers threw me the most amazing shower (nicer than my own family did). I realized I had my place in the social structure of my work place but never really knew it. I then moved out of state and had to start all over again. To this day (a hundred years later), I keep in touch with people from both work places.

    The previous poster gave you some great specific advice. I just want to lend some support. You're doing a great job!
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