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6 months until graduation. Feeling like a failure.

paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
I'm a senior at a small liberal arts college and suffer from social anxiety and depression. Even though I was able to study abroad in Spain and am now a club head I still can't make any friends. Just to be clear I DO NOT HAVE Asperger's or anything on the spectrum since I've had several psychological analyses done. When I tried inviting people to do things and putting myself out there, I just kept getting rejected over and over again. I have trust issues after being bullied all throughout school (including college too) and many of these bullies were people I was naive enough to consider "friends". I try to focus on school and figuring out what to do after graduation, but I still feel so lonely and ashamed of myself. It does not help that friends and acquaintances of my parents will not stop pestering me asking about "college friends" and when they will meet them. Even when I've tried asking people if I can sit with them they say no and tell me to go away. I know I want to go to law school but can't stop panicking over what if I still can't find "my people". How can I get through these next six months?
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Replies to: 6 months until graduation. Feeling like a failure.

  • CheddarcheeseMNCheddarcheeseMN 3498 replies11 threads Senior Member
    Perhaps you can spend time looking for a job. You don’t need to go right to grad school. Maybe looking towards the future will be helpful. The student employment office can help with your resume and maybe arrange practice interviews.
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    I'm already applying for job interviews through my school's Career Development Office.
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  • Tigerwife92Tigerwife92 82 replies1 threads Junior Member
    First of all, you are not a failure; please dont measure your worth by others' expectations (even your parents). That is something that needs to come from within. Have you spoken to a counselor? Most schools have someone you can speak with to help sort through these feelings; as a parent I strongly suggest you do that now before you go on to the next phase of your life to help you understand what you're feeling and give you tools to work through it. Second, you are not alone, but you may be in a school that does not typically have your "people." For example, if you're in an environment surrounded by kids who like to party and you prefer to stay home and watch marvel movies and play video games, you're simply in an environment without your people. You said you go to a small LAC; it may be that you would have more in common with students at a bigger stem school. Even though you may not be around them now; know that this stage is temporary and the world is full of opportunities to meet other people. Figuring out what you really actually like and the type of people you want to be around will help you figure out the best place to go for law school. Having an environment that fits, is just as important as having an academic program that fits. Other than school, what are your interests? Books, movies, sports, gaming RPGs?
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    Thank you so much for your reply. I like reading, travel, want to go to law school. I'm not outdoorsy or into sports at all. I go to Bard College btw.
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    I'm in therapy already and talk to my therapist about these issues I'm having in school feeling like no one likes me and people reject me no matter how much I put myself out there. I'm the kind of person who strongly prefers quality over quantity type friendships but not being able to anyone I hit it off with who likes me for who I am and genuinely cares breaks my heart so much.
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  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff 5001 replies22 threads Senior Member
    It's very possible that Bard wasn't the best fit for you. There is a "Bard" type. Reality is if making friends hasn't happened it might not. Just concentrate on maybe looking into some groups that match your interest. Is there a book club? Is there a group that does traveling or like hiking or something like that?
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  • PublisherPublisher 9038 replies110 threads Senior Member
    Clearly, your current school is not a good fit for you. Its reputation suggests that showy hipster types might fit in well at your current school. Definitely not a lawyer factory & definitely not the typical attorney type student body.

    If transferring is out of the question, then just be assured that there is nothing wrong with you. You just made a poor decision about which school would be a match for you at a very sensitive time in your young life. (People do this all the time with marriages as almost half end up in divorce.)

    Regardless, you might be surprised at how popular you become if you do well at law school--and how little that popularity means in the greater scheme of things. The key is to learn to like, then love, yourself--not to get others to like you. Self respect is very important throughout one's life.

    Right now you are in a tough situation because of the artificial environment, & confinement, of your current campus. Things get a lot better in the real world. Work & self respect are the keys so long as you are healthy. Stop beating yourself up. It's them, not you. If you don't believe me, then there are other college websites which permit more direct comments about particular schools. Your current school does not fare well on those sites--which means that you are not at fault for not fitting in.
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    I'm a senior so it's too late to transfer.
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    There are very few clubs on campus let alone traveling clubs. I do not like hiking or sports. I prefer indoor things like reading and watching movies.
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  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff 5001 replies22 threads Senior Member
    Check out meet up groups in your locale. They might have a book club or a movie review group. I tried to post it but guess it can't be posted. Most cities have them and can be mixed with students and people from the city which your in.
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  • DadTwoGirlsDadTwoGirls 5854 replies1 threads Senior Member
    I think that quite a few students feel the same way that you do. The senior year can be tough because you have been working so hard for so long, and it just keeps going.

    Fortunately you only have about 6 months to go. You really CAN do this. In about 6 months you will have a bachelor's degree, and you can seek out an environment that is a better fit for you.

    I have a wild thought but I am not sure if it will be applicable in your case, and regardless is something for you to think about after you graduate. After graduation, you might want to see whether you qualify for Mensa, and if so join. It could be thought of as a social club for people who are not meeting people "like them", and tends to be good for people who like things like reading. There are also of course a variety of clubs where people read books and discuss them. I know that there are such groups for people who read novels, and different groups for people who like to read Buddhist philosophy. I am sure there must be others. However, I doubt that you will have time for any of this until after you graduate.

    I do think that it is good that you are talking to a therapist. I think that this will get better, probably over some time, after you graduate and can seek out an environment that is a better fit.
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  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 1918 replies27 threads Senior Member
    Everyone has given you excellent advice and comments. I will just add that anyone who is about to graduate from college is far from a failure. Try to focus on your success and feel proud of yourself for your accomplishments.

    It is JMHO but Bard is a very isolated school. Personally I would be depressed if I had to live there. It is also a very small environment which I think would make it more difficult to find your people. As you move forward maybe look for a larger, more "happening", more vibrant place to live. I think the more people and activity, the more likely you are to find more options.

    You're almost there - you've got this!
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  • gardenstategalgardenstategal 6114 replies10 threads Senior Member
    I think it's normal at this point in your college career to take stock of the experience. I also think it's a particularly easy time to experience regret over how some part of it was handled. It's coming to an end, and with 20/20 hindsight, I suspect most seniors are wishing they had done a few things differently. Some may lament social choices, other academics. Why did I do xyz, why not abc sooner, etc.?

    It's great that you have a therapist to talk with. I would focus on the positive- you have done well academically and have a direction in your life. I would also focus on post-grad plans, whether it's researching law schools, taking the LSAT or getting a job.

    Bard is a wonderful school but it is also quite isolated. If you didn't find your tribe there, it's hard to know where to go to look. It's also getting to be that cold gray, short day time of the year, and that can bring anyone down. So the timing of this kinda makes sense.

    Hang in there! You'll be graduating in no time. Make the most of the time you have left- whether by throwing yourself into your studies or guiltlessly watching movies. Can you take classes your last term that play to your interests, like film critique, or whatever kind of book you like to read? It would be nice to have those to look forward to.

    Wishing you luck, and telling you that you are a success.
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  • PublisherPublisher 9038 replies110 threads Senior Member
    edited November 2019
    Have you looked into off campus options for your final semester ?

    The Washington DC Semester at American College may be one option.

    Study abroad for your final semester.

    Any student exchange program with other schools ?

    Any school closer to home such as a SUNY or CUNY ?

    Bard's overlap schools are NYU, Wesleyan, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, & Sarah Lawrence. Although I noted the overlap schools for applicants to Bard, I think it would be better for you to study on a campus with a very different environment than your current school. Maybe a much larger and/or more urban campus ?

    P.S. If you have trust issues due to high school bullying, you may find it easier & healthier to focus on one-on-one relationships. Start with yourself by enjoying an activity that can be done alone such as exercise, reading, studying for the LSAT, reviewing law schools, going into NYC , etc. Don't feel that happiness depends upon making friends in college. It doesn't. Especially at such a small, isolated, culturally distinct campus.

    The good news is that there is only 6 months left & that time includes several breaks from school.
    edited November 2019
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    edited November 2019
    @Lindagaf I do have an on campus job and also volunteer at a legal center in NYC in the summer. Even when I ask people to sit with them at lunch they still tell me to go away.
    edited November 2019
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    I already studied abroad in Madrid Spain my spring semester and am currently in the process of writing a senior project so transferring is definitely not an option since I don’t want to repeat a year of school.
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  • paoluchsingerpaoluchsinger 85 replies8 threads Junior Member
    @Publisher I already studied abroad in Madrid Spain my spring semester and am currently in the process of writing a senior project so transferring is definitely not an option since I don’t want to repeat a year of school.

    Publisher wrote: »
    Have you looked into off campus options for your final semester ?

    The Washington DC Semester at American College may be one option.

    Study abroad for your final semester.

    Any student exchange program with other schools ?

    Any school closer to home such as a SUNY or CUNY ?

    Bard's overlap schools are NYU, Wesleyan, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, & Sarah Lawrence. Although I noted the overlap schools for applicants to Bard, I think it would be better for you to study on a campus with a very different environment than your current school. Maybe a much larger and/or more urban campus ?

    P.S. If you have trust issues due to high school bullying, you may find it easier & healthier to focus on one-on-one relationships. Start with yourself by enjoying an activity that can be done alone such as exercise, reading, studying for the LSAT, reviewing law schools, going into NYC , etc. Don't feel that happiness depends upon making friends in college. It doesn't. Especially at such a small, isolated, culturally distinct campus.

    The good news is that there is only 6 months left & that time includes several breaks from school.
    Publisher wrote: »
    Have you looked into off campus options for your final semester ?

    The Washington DC Semester at American College may be one option.

    Study abroad for your final semester.

    Any student exchange program with other schools ?

    Any school closer to home such as a SUNY or CUNY ?

    Bard's overlap schools are NYU, Wesleyan, Oberlin, Vassar, Reed, & Sarah Lawrence. Although I noted the overlap schools for applicants to Bard, I think it would be better for you to study on a campus with a very different environment than your current school. Maybe a much larger and/or more urban campus ?

    P.S. If you have trust issues due to high school bullying, you may find it easier & healthier to focus on one-on-one relationships. Start with yourself by enjoying an activity that can be done alone such as exercise, reading, studying for the LSAT, reviewing law schools, going into NYC , etc. Don't feel that happiness depends upon making friends in college. It doesn't. Especially at such a small, isolated, culturally distinct campus.

    The good news is that there is only 6 months left & that time includes several breaks from school.
    · Reply · Share
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