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When to tell your roommate and closest friends you are transferring?

Hurrikane37Hurrikane37 3 replies1 threads New Member
I am in a very unique position, which is both exciting, yet frightening at the same time. I am currently studying at a good school, but during my senior year of high school I was offered a guaranteed transfer option to my favorite school. This transfer option stated that I could attend the school as a sophomore if I achieved a couple of requirements (which I have fulfilled). I love my current school, but I know that going to this other school would further my career. I don't know when I should tell my roommate and my friends at my current school. My roommate is my best friend and it makes me quite sad having to tell him. I feel guilty saying nothing, but I just don't want to lose him as a friend.

One of my main concerns about saying anything this early is why would people put in as much effort being my friend if I am leaving? My other concern is that I would come across as a bragger for saying I am transferring to this great school. I am planning on telling him in early March so he has ample time to sort out his sophomore year housing. Do you think waiting until then is the right thing to do? I just want to do the right thing for my roommate.
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Replies to: When to tell your roommate and closest friends you are transferring?

  • Conformist1688Conformist1688 1172 replies26 threads Senior Member
    The later you leave it the more likely tey are to feel betrayed. Say now that you're considering the option.
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  • AboutTheSameAboutTheSame 3162 replies47 threads Senior Member
    Agree with @Conformist1688 : You have already hidden what seems to have been your plan [or a possible option] from the outset.
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  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 1984 replies27 threads Senior Member
    You sounds really happy at your current school. I would suggest you make up your mind later in the school year. What seems perfect may already be perfect.

    I agree with your concerns with sharing with the friend. Maybe say you are considering it. Unless you are absolutely going. Then you must reveal at the time of selection to not be included in housing plans.
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  • PublisherPublisher 9587 replies120 threads Senior Member
    The major concern is whether or not your current roommate is counting on you to be a future roommate. If not, then best to keep quiet about future plans as they may change. If so, then you should be clear that you will not be available as a roommate next year.

    Happens frequently with freshman as one roommate may join a Greek organization or prefer theme housing, or one may plan to study abroad, go for a single room or transfer to a different school.

    Reminds me of my college freshman year when three of the nicest & most interesting classmates held guaranteed transfer options for Cornell University. All were open & honest about their situations.
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 80199 replies720 threads Senior Member
    Publisher wrote: »
    Reminds me of my college freshman year when three of the nicest & most interesting classmates held guaranteed transfer options for Cornell University. All were open & honest about their situations.

    Was this at a four year college?

    Do such guaranteed transfer options allow students to do the first year at a low cost community college? If so, another advantage of starting at a community college would be that transferring is a common intention, so there would be no social stigma for announcing that intention.
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  • PublisherPublisher 9587 replies120 threads Senior Member
    edited December 2019
    Yes, it was at a well regarded four year LAC. Very common for those with guaranteed transfer options (GTOs) to Cornell University.

    I have no idea as to whether Cornell GTO requirements allow one to satisfy them at a community college.

    These were all very bright, accomplished students who targeted specific programs at Cornell University.

    As an aside: They all were very attractive, articulate individuals & seemed to avoid any social events with alcohol. The guy was headed to the hotel management school & I do not know which school at Cornell the girls were transferring to, but it was clearly Cornell's gain & our loss. Now that I think about them, I recall that all 3 were sons & daughters of college professors or administrators who attended tuition free on a tuition exchange type program.
    edited December 2019
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9910 replies538 threads Senior Member
    Waiting to say something is just going to make it worse. Kids are making plans now for housing next year. Many college students choose next year’s housing even earlier. Frankly, it would have been best to mention the transfer option at the start. You didn’t though, so just say “hey guys, you’re all great, but I was offered a guaranteed transfer to X college and I’m taking it.” They aren’t suddenly going to dislike you for being honest.
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  • PrdMomto1PrdMomto1 314 replies5 threads Member
    I agree with the above. I'd tell them sooner rather than later. If they like you they will still want to be your friend. It would be strange to not want to hang out with someone because they won't be around the following year. But what WILL make them upset is to feel like you kept a big secret from them long after you made up your mind OR if you let your roommate assume you'll be living together next year.

    I would probably tell them you got this offer and were waiting to see if you met the requirements to transfer before making up your mind. I assume you had to get certain grades or something?
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  • Hurrikane37Hurrikane37 3 replies1 threads New Member
    Yes, I had to maintain a 3.3 average GPA and take some specific classes. I don’t want to throw this secret on my roommate this week because it’s finals week, but I’ll say something sooner rather than later second semester.
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  • thumper1thumper1 76536 replies3387 threads Senior Member
    I would tell them as soon as you have made your matriculation decision to the other college, and sent in deposits. Until that time, it’s not a sure thing you will actually go.

    Once your plans are finalized, tell your friends.
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  • StPaulDadStPaulDad 513 replies1 threads Member
    You can say have the option open and you're kicking the idea around. It puts it on the table, doesn't commit you either way and throws a more gradual light on the decision rather than an abrupt I'm Out!

    But no matter how you say it you should get it out there if this is really your best friend.
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  • collboy23collboy23 17 replies2 threads Junior Member
    Once you’re 100% tell him as soon as possible. If he’s not happy for you then maybe he’s just jealous
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  • Hurrikane37Hurrikane37 3 replies1 threads New Member
    Update:

    I told my closest friends at the start of the semester. All but one of them were really supportive (this person wasn't my roommate). I would say that it generally brings people closer to you than pushes them away. One of the kids got jealous and avoids me now, but it was awesome having everyone else rooting for me. So for anyone in a similar situation, don't say anything right away, but when the time comes, there is generally a positive reaction.
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  • Hurrikane37Hurrikane37 3 replies1 threads New Member
    Also, I would add that everyone understood my reasons for leaving because the transfer furthers my career.
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  • bopperbopper 14304 replies101 threadsForum Champion CWRU Forum Champion
    I would wait as late as possible ...otherwise they will psychologically distance themselves from you.

    However, I would tell them when it is time to make housing arrangements. You don't want to leave them in the lurch.



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