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Is a shy personality offputting to others when it comes to meeting new people in social situations?

sta3535sta3535 200 replies108 threads Member
My overall personality is quite normal to many people:

I'm more comfortable around my family and friends. However, when I attempt to meet new people, it's either hit or miss for me:

Someone will have the confidence to start a conversation with me.

People will either respond or ignore my greeting/approach.

IMO, I need to work on my confidence when it comes to approaching people without dealing with a fear of rejection. Maybe having the mindset of a non-worry approach is the way to do it? Even though I have my moments of shyness, I feel like the only way to handle this is to practice meeting new people without worrying about the final result.
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Replies to: Is a shy personality offputting to others when it comes to meeting new people in social situations?

  • rickle1rickle1 2174 replies18 threads Senior Member
    Yes and you're far more mindful of the reaction than they are. So you may be thinking all kinds of things and none of that may actually be happening. That's about being self conscious and is very common with shy people (Is he looking at me, are they wondering why I'm not mixing in, etc.). In reality, many of them are shy too and the ones who aren't are not thinking negative thoughts about you or anyone else. They're just going about their day.

    Put yourself out there a little more and you'll start to get more comfortable in new settings. It's hard and it takes time but you can do it.
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  • yucca10yucca10 1317 replies40 threads Senior Member
    A mindset of curiosity might help. It's not about you at all, you just want to meet this person because you found something interesting or attractive about them, and you'd like to find out more. Being centered on another person instead of yourself will help you feel more relaxed and also make people like you more. And in case of rejection, it's also not going to be about you - just accept that this person didn't feel like sharing information, and move on.
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  • PublisherPublisher 9040 replies110 threads Senior Member
    edited December 2019
    Consider taking a sales position which is 100% commission based = a cure for shyness.
    edited December 2019
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  • TS0104TS0104 1035 replies28 threads Senior Member
    edited December 2019
    I think the easiest tip when it comes to talking to/approaching people is to remember that most people like/find it easy to talk about themselves. So in a conversation, just ask questions such as "how do you like this class?" or "How is it living in xxx dorm? I've heard some crazy stories!" "I've heard that club is fun, do you like it?" Rather than thinking about what they think of you, make your focus learning a bit more about them, and to do that, listen to their answers. Like @yucca10 says! And yes, practice will make it easier. You can always practice on no-stakes situations such as a store or food clerk, just about anyone will respond to a quick "how is your day going?"
    edited December 2019
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