I am a junior in college on the pre-law track, but I'm having trouble with where I am in my life. I feel like I am falling behind. I feel like I should be doing more. I am an introvert. I prefer being by myself and I have a difficult time putting myself out there. I don't have many friends at school. That doesn't really bother me that much. It sucks I don't have any friends, but I not losing any sleep over it. I've just come to terms with that. Also, I'm getting to the end of my college career, so I'm just not concerned with making friends. With that being said, I feel like I really wasted my college years. I have not enjoyed college at all. I do not like the college I am attending. I just want college to be over. I just want to move on to law school and move on with my life.
This brings me to my next point. I feel like I am not a good candidate for law school. My freshman year of college, I did not put myself out there. My sophomore year, I tried harder and was really prepared to be even more active, but COVID interrupted my plan. Since we were sent home during Spring Break, I wasn't able to really be as involved on campus. This summer, I struggled to find an internship because of COVID and now, with my junior year approaching and LSAT prep on the horizon, I feel I am behind.
I just feel hopeless. I am very school-oriented and I base my value on my success in school. I feel like I am failing and it's just making me feel completely hopeless. If I don't do well in my undergrad education and get into a law school, what am I? I know this may seem unreasonable to some of you, but I've always been brought up to focus on my education. Since I am also chasing fulfillment from my education, not doing well is making me sick. I haven't opened up about this to anyone, but maybe I should. I just feel like no one can help me but me. I am just so disgusted with myself.
I have also realized that I have no passions outside of doing my school work. This is not good. I feel like i have nothing to offer the world. I draw and I am pretty good at that. I always get compliments on my work for people, but I don't think my art is good enough. I feel like the stuff I like doing is no tangible value. Again, I like to draw, but it's not good enough. I love being outside. I like riding my bike, running, and walking around, but that stuff has no tangible value. These aren't useful in furthering my career. All they do is bring me joy. That--joy--should be enough, but it's not.
I am not even sure I have any deep questions to pose to you readers except what are your thoughts? How do you all feel about what I wrote? Any advice? Can you relate? Can you not relate? If you can, how did you get through this slump? Well, it looks like I did have some questions.
Ignore any grammatical errors. Thanks for reading. Any comments or thoughts are appreciated.