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Shy kids at college

iLoveNewYork15iLoveNewYork15 Registered User Posts: 193 Junior Member
edited February 2010 in College Life
I have always been pretty shy and I'm worried that I won't fit in at college. I don't really party or drink and I'm not the best at meeting people. I am nice though and once you get to know me, I can be fun! I'm just worried because I'm thinking about applying to some "party schools" (UMass, UMD, Northeastern, etc..) because I like the academics and the atmosphere. Will I have a hard time?
Post edited by iLoveNewYork15 on

Replies to: Shy kids at college

  • Manhattan75Manhattan75 - Posts: 523 Member
    You won't have a hard time if you aren't hard on yourself. There are lots of different types of people in college and you will fit in with a particular group of them and have a good time. The problem is when you are, say, a hipster/artsy student, but don't like that you are-who-you-are and just "wish" that you were more like a different group of people, like the hardcore party students or athletes or whoever. I guess what I am saying is that you will fit in with who you fit in with - there are plenty of types of people at college for everyone to find their niche - it is just that you have to be happy with the type of person you are. Even if you aren't, it isn't so exclusive like high school, so you could still just go to any social event or club or bar and "break in" so to speak if you were so inclined. It is much easier to reinvent yourself.
  • iLoveNewYork15iLoveNewYork15 Registered User Posts: 193 Junior Member
    Thank you, this helped a lot. I am happy with who I am; it's just that I've been hanging out with the same people since kindergarten and I've never really had to "make new friends" so to speak. But I'm not so worried anymore. Thank you.
  • DCHurricaneDCHurricane - Posts: 2,976 Senior Member
    I'm at UMD, it ain't too bad. I'm like you. I think by joining clubs you will have an easier time meeting people. A few of my best friends in high school I met because of theater (I was a techie). A couple others I met because of similar interests and having classes together. I suspect the same thing will happen here.
  • Psycho'78Psycho'78 Registered User Posts: 273 Junior Member
    Join at least one club and go from there. Try getting into an elective/GE that is usually a smaller class size, or that is likely to have group work.

    Also, before exams or projects, try to get people around you in class to study together. You will have at least one thing in common: a dreadful upcoming exam.

    Good luck!
  • JimgotkpJimgotkp Registered User Posts: 2,854 Senior Member
    The first few weeks of school, especially move in week you should keep your door open. I'm sure other kids will be doing the same since they themselves might have no friends.
  • AndrewheatAndrewheat Registered User Posts: 216 Junior Member
    As long as you don't push people away, it's fine.

    You value quality over quantity, that's understandable.

    I'm kinda shy too so I get ya =P
  • chuychuy Registered User Posts: 3,916 Senior Member
    What do you mean by "I can be fun!" I'm not being a jerk, I'm honestly asking, what is it that you do with other people that is fun? If you're fun because you go on hikes with people you can join clubs and make friends that way. If you're fun to play videogames with you'll probably be able to find people in your hall or classmates that have similar interests. If you're just in general "fun to be around" you'd probably not be asking this question.
  • DCHurricaneDCHurricane - Posts: 2,976 Senior Member
    Chuy, people can be "fun to be around" and introverted at the same time.
  • chuychuy Registered User Posts: 3,916 Senior Member
    Yes they can, but what I'm trying to say is that generally the people who are just in general fun to be around for the majority of people are going to be more extroverted. What I mean to say is that you can have a lot in common with someone and you'll have fun hanging out with them, even if they're incredibly shy. There are just certain people who are going to hit it off very well with just about anybody, and very few of them could be described as introverted. It's not a good or a bad thing either way, I was just saying that since he's shy he'll probably need to put himself in situations where he's around people he shares interests with, so that there is already some common ground to talk about and stuff.
  • transfernkidtransfernkid Registered User Posts: 256 Junior Member
    I consider myself a shy person also and spent my freshman year hiding from my roommate(she was crazy but that is a different story). After i transferred, I found some clubs that interested me and joined a few. I also connected with a lot of people during orientation which is a good way to gain friends. Also, when you have class on your first day try to stir up some small conversation even if it is something as simple as, can i sit here?..etc.

    Yes Introverts can be fun, it is just not always in your face. You could say introverts are closeted extroverts.Just waiting to break out and be spontaneous and fun :)
  • college316college316 Registered User Posts: 283 Junior Member
    I was pretty shy in high school (I had the same group of four close friends for all four years). There were a few things I affirmatively decided during the college application process that have definitely helped me break out of my shell and become much more extroverted:

    1. I went to a school where I didn't know a single person beforehand. This may seem counterintuitive, but in fact it was the best decision I could've made. I had a brand new start and no one knew me as the "shy" girl or remembered how awkward I used to be in high school. Also, I didn't have to live up to any preconceived notions of how I should act.

    2. I went to a school with a very close-knit, supportive community where people really get to know each other out of the party situation (Rice has a residential college system, which is kind of like the houses in Harry Potter). This environment has given me amazing friends and great upperclassmen role models to look up to. Since Rice has no Greek system, I didn't have to worry about being super-extroverted to get into a sorority or anything like that.

    3. I stopped thinking of myself as shy. In high school, I would be really quiet around people I didn't know and rationalized it because of the shyness. In college, I made an effort to make some sort of conversation with everyone. It was hard in the beginning, but with practice, it gets easier. The key is to not let on how uncomfortable you feel.

    As long as you make yourself approachable and open, you will find people like you. I promise. Just don't try to be someone you're not...you will be fine!
  • iLoveNewYork15iLoveNewYork15 Registered User Posts: 193 Junior Member
    to chuy: i mean that once you get to know me, I'm not boring and I like to have fun (play sports, go out to eat, go to movies, etc..)

    but thank you everyone else, this has helped a lot!
  • chuychuy Registered User Posts: 3,916 Senior Member
    Then all you'll really have to do are the things that interest you. Sports are nearly by definition a social activity, so if you join some pick up games of whatever sport you like (or start playing Ultimate Frisbee) you should be able to meet some people. Remember, nearly all of the freshman on campus with you are going to be in a big environment where they hardly know anybody. They want to make friends, and if you're willing to make just a little bit of effort you can meet a ton of people.

    Put on some clothes you can get dirty and just go outside and look for some people playing something, and ask if they mind if you join in. Nobody will ever mind (unless it's basketball and you give them odd numbers or something, in which case they'll just tell you to find somebody else to play as well.) Afterward ask if anybody is hungry and wants to go to 'insert name of dining hall.' Bam, you've got friends.
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