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parents' money, not mine


Replies to: parents' money, not mine

  • viewthroughkohl0viewthroughkohl0 Registered User Posts: 173 Junior Member
    Proudterrier: Really? I heard good things about their Honors college, but maybe it was misleading..? Tech is a possibility, but after Zell Miller it would still be somewhere around $8000, which is reasonable; Embry though is $57000 after Zell which definitely puts me at their mercy. (Assuming I even get in to Emory)
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama Posts: 84,628 Forum Champion
    edited December 2014
    I was considering going there for 2 years, saving up and perhaps going somewhere a bit better on my own bill?

    Very naive....there's no way that within two years you could save up enough to go somewhere "better" on your own. At most, you might be able to save $15k or so.....how would THAT pay for 2 years away at a school of your choice?

    The risk that comes with your parents paying for the pricey school is that if they get wind of the fact that you're doing ANYTHING that they don't agree with, they will pull you out. AT THAT POINT, the other school will NOT give you that large merit.

    So, you have to figure out if it's worth the risk to have them pay. Will they show up unannounced at your dorm and then get angry when they see what they see? or will they monitor your comings and goings via phone calls and video chatting to make sure that you're in your dorm when they expect you to be there?
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama Posts: 84,628 Forum Champion
    If your dorm has inside halls, then they can't just "show up" at your door unless someone lets them in at the front (which does happen!).

    Students don't seem to hesitate to let middle-aged folks walk into the residence hall after the student has opened the door.

    Two hours away? that's a 4 hour round-trip of travel plus any visiting time. Would they spend the night?

  • viewthroughkohl0viewthroughkohl0 Registered User Posts: 173 Junior Member
    Well that's excluding summers, and I do have a little bit of money now, just not enough to go to a very great school out of pocket.
    No its unlikely that they would show up completely unannounced, trying to enter the dorm. Just the fact that they're hovering and even if they give a warning is unsettling. Dropping everything to accommodate impulses isn't exactly appealingly.
    No idea if they'd spend the night, but if they do it wouldn't be in the dorm, more likely they'd stay at a hotel in the city.
    I've been trying to push for my mom to get a teaching job at a local college so that she is less preoccupied with us. Maybe that would be a deterrent.
    BUT you're right that if they catch something, anything, I'm basically on my own. Georgia State after Zell is around $5000 per year with housing and meals, and that I can manage without their aid.
  • gouf78gouf78 Registered User Posts: 7,420 Senior Member
    Around here two hours is nothing for most people to drive and return in one day if they think the visit worth it. It's the other kids at home that will keep them from visiting too often--maybe.
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama Posts: 84,628 Forum Champion
    Well that's excluding summers, and I do have a little bit of money now, just not enough to go to a very great school out of pocket.

    what is excluding summers? The $15k that I said was likely the MOST you could save over the next 2 years was including summers. It's doubtful that you could earn/save more than that by working part-time during the school year (if your parents would even allow that) and full-time during the summer.
  • happymomof1happymomof1 Registered User Posts: 28,747 Senior Member
    What other options do you have? Can this decision wait until April?

    How much money do you have of your own? Look through the lolasite list of guaranteed full tuition and full rides, and see if any of those look good to you. Then do some investigation about the cost of travel from your home to those colleges/universities, and about summer jobs and living situations in those locations. You need to know if you can do this entirely on your own (or if you really can't). That will help you make your decision.
  • Lilliana330Lilliana330 Registered User Posts: 1,610 Senior Member
    edited December 2014
    My parents drive 4 hours back & forth (8 hrs total) on a weekend, without any hotel stay, to see me lol, so 2 hrs really isn't much. As long as they're only there for a day though, OP should be fine.

    Anyone might let the parents in through the front door, but some schools with tight security require a fingerprint check before going beyond the lobby/entrance, which means the student has to go downstairs & retrieve the parents...

    @viewthroughkohl0 Hmm when they visit you, you could also try to study a lot, & maybe they'll see you're too busy & back off so you can concentrate
  • juilletjuillet Super Moderator Posts: 12,653 Super Moderator
    I think you should go to the 'dream' school your parents pay for.

    Georgia State is a great university, but it's also an urban university with quite a different feel from Emory (if that is indeed the other school you are considering). If you want a traditional university environment with a leafy campus et al., you may not be entirely happy at GSU. I also had many friends who went there (I'm from Atlanta), and they liked it - plenty of student organizations and other things to get involved in, but it's not quite the same as Emory. Personally, I would've much rather gone to UGA - that was my safety school.

    Nonetheless, the real reason is that having a full scholarship doesn't mean that you can completely go without the support of your parents. That might cover room and board, but unless you get a job you'll have no money for books, travel, and entertainment with friends. And having a full scholarship at a school only 2 hours away doesn't mean that your parents still won't try to control your life or drive up or expect you to drive down. Plus, it might sour the relationship with them unnecessarily.

    The great thing about being in college during the week, even if you have to go home during the weekends, is that you drastically reduce the time that your parents see you. You'll be more able to live your life as you want while just pretending nicely to them when you go to see them. I grew up in a similarly religiously conservative household (no friends outside the religion, no dating boys outside the religion, no disagreeing with the religion). I ended up going to college just 20 minutes away from my parents. In the beginning I did visit them twice a month, but by my second year I was seeing them far less often and I was living my life as i wanted to. I just didn't talk about it that much around them. I don't know whether your parents are more controlling than this and will want to be in all of your business all the time, showing up unannounced, etc. - but if they are somewhat reasonable people then I think it's possible for you to go to the college you want (and that they will pay for) and live your life at least mostly the way you want and just not mentioning anything to your parents that will upset them.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,036 Senior Member
    I say go to the better school as well. At least they are letting you live on campus.
  • viewthroughkohl0viewthroughkohl0 Registered User Posts: 173 Junior Member
    Thank you all. Happymomof1: that is a good point - I have a few friends in Alabama but job possibilities may not be what I'm expecting, so I'll need to look more thoroughly on that.
    Lilliana: true - if there's anything they can't argue with it'd be the amount of studying
    Juillet: I did visit Georgia State already, and while UGA is undoubtedly better in academics and all, I didn't like Athens and State's diversity and networking opportunities were more appealing. And it's reassuring to know that this isn't the only time something like this happens. Is your relationship with them now good?
  • prospect1prospect1 Registered User Posts: 1,432 Senior Member
    OP, if you do choose the "dream school", there is one thing that will go very far in gaining your parents' trust, and ultimately freeing yourself of their micromanagement, and that is:


    Good grades allow you to tell them, in all honesty, that you are working hard and focusing on your future. It also implies that you are following a clean and wholesome lifestyle (whether or not true). But best of all, it actually WILL help you find that excellent job/career and gain you ultimate independence and a good future. So good luck to you, whatever you choose to do!
  • michaelitemichaelite Registered User Posts: 509 Member
    @viewthroughkohl0‌ your parents might feel overbearing and prehistoric right now....and in the short term, going away might seem great, but in the long term you'll regret it.....as for anything non-muslim related, are your parents really gonna find out what you do at college, hell mine don't know what I have been upto since 6th grade.....go to the dream school....a visit every fortnight isn't necessarily a bad thing, even if it is, you can cope with that..........and you'll be left alone 6 days out of every 7 at the place you want to spend 4 years of your life at...sounds good to me
  • viewthroughkohl0viewthroughkohl0 Registered User Posts: 173 Junior Member
    Prospect: my parents haven't been concerned about my grades since I was in middle school. They actually originally wanted me to go to a pricey local college with easier admittance than State, but that's off the table. Thanks for the wishes, and anywhere I end up I'll try to make the most of it.
    @michaelite‌ fingers crossed man. It's just delicate overall
  • Bulldog97Bulldog97 Registered User Posts: 90 Junior Member
    Your parents sound quite controlling and manipulative as well, if how you are describing them is accurate. Sadly though, no one here will tell you this because it is mostly parents here telling you to go to the school your parents paid for. Their is no real perspective from any of the opinions you are getting here because at some point or another, it is very likely that the posters here have tried to set rules and the like for their children while away at college. Do what makes you happy. If you feel the university they will pay for is worth your mental health, don't go their, plain and simple. If you feel you can make it through both physically and mentally though, it is all up to you.
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