right arrow
PARENTS4PARENTS is a new initiative aimed at highlighting the vast expertise of our parents community while helping other parents better navigate the college admissions process. aggies1989 is a UC alumnus and parent of two UC college kids. ASK HIM ANYTHING!
GUEST STUDENT OF THE WEEK: fintech3753 is a current student at the Wharton School. Majoring in finance, he is hoping to pursue a career at the intersection of finance and technology. ASK HIM ANYTHING!
Make sure to check out our August Checklist for HS Seniors. Consult these quick resources to get you started on the process this month.
As we work to adjust to the current reality, make sure to check out these dedicated COVID-19 resources: our directory of virtual campus tours, our directory of extended deadlines, as well as the list of schools going test optional this fall.

Parent won't let me chose where I apply

etheraldaydreamsetheraldaydreams 1 replies1 threads New Member
I am from NY and plan on applying to colleges out of state specifically California as well as in NY state however my mother refuses the to allow the possibility of applying out of state even if the travel time is significantly less.

Her main reasons seem to be travel and cost which are extremely valid concerns but already have 40,000 dollars annually in a college fund set up by my father and a sibling who is willing to take out $30,000 annual loans for me to go to any college I want. travel is already something I have savings for...

My mom however refuses to imagine the possibility of me leaving the state and has even threatened to call any out of state college I apply to and tell them not to accept me and has grounded me /tried to kick me out just because I want to apply to these schools. for my entire life my mother has sheltered me and hasn't allowed me to live life as a "normal teenager" since I'm the youngest also she has been physically and verbally abusive my entire childhood. She's suffering extreme separation anxiety and takes it out on me. I will be 18 on decision day and would like to know if it would be possible for my mom to #1 force colleges to not accept me and #2 decide where I go.

Ive been extremely stressed throughout this process because of her. I just would like the opportunity to apply and see the outcomes. I know that of course you can move after graduating but my siblings were forced into living/paying rent for her post college against their wishes due to her manipulation and we had to call the cops to allow them to move out. I just don't want to have to be put in that situation post grad and would rather deal with moving out now.

The out of state schools (USC, Loyola Marymount, Penn State,Pepperdine, BU) are in my opinion better schools the the schools I will be applying to in NY ( Pace, FIT, Syracuse) for my major in journalism.

edited July 14
24 replies
Post edited by CCEdit_Suraj on
· Reply · Share
«1

Replies to: Parent won't let me chose where I apply

  • MikeInFlMikeInFl 21 replies0 threads Junior Member
    Sounds like a toxic situation at home. California would be very expensive in terms of tuition and cost of living. Look for something in state but a school as far away from home as possible. Live on or near campus and never return home and get on with your life.

    To answer your questions, no she cannot "force" a school to decline your application or admission. 2- she cannot decide where you go, that is up to YOU and being admitted.

    My advice is to apply to several Universities. Apply online, pay the application fee. These days a lot of colleges don't even send out acceptance letters anymore they e-mail them. University Of Florida did not send my daughter a letter at all, just an e-mail. FSU eventually sent a letter in the mail but sent an e-mail over a month before the letter arrived and by the time she got the letter she was already enrolled at FSU.
    · Reply · Share
  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 10435 replies123 threads Senior Member
    edited July 9
    Loans are a terrible idea. Full stop.

    We are also in the middle of a pandemic. Having to fly to college should be a concern.

    SU has a great journalism program. Superior to many of the OOS schools you mentioned. Is it affordable though?

    Why aren’t there SUNYs on your list? Looks to me like you have a $40k/year budget. Do you qualify for any financial aid? Are your stats high enough for merit?
    edited July 9
    · Reply · Share
  • cptofthehousecptofthehouse 30494 replies59 threads Senior Member
    A sibling will cover your loans? In other words, your sibling will co-sign loans for you to the tune of $30k a year or $120k? The two of you will both be hamstrung with that on your credit reports, you understand. If you can’t afford to repay, for any reason including death or disability or no job or insufficient paying job, your sibling is going to have a major problem. You also don’t even know if this sibling will be approved for these loans especially 4 years in a row.

    That’s a very bad idea. If you want to apply to OOS schools with merit scholarships opportunities that might bring the cost down to what is affordable, that might not be such a bad idea. But your mother is making it clear that she is not paying for OOS college. The message is clear.
    · Reply · Share
  • 57special57special 705 replies16 threads Member
    Sounds like you have two problems.

    1- your wish to go to school out of state.

    2- your relationship with your mother.

    Don't mix the two up, especially if it puts you in unnecessary debt.
    · Reply · Share
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 83881 replies744 threads Senior Member
    edited July 9
    57special wrote: »
    Sounds like you have two problems.

    1- your wish to go to school out of state.

    2- your relationship with your mother.

    Don't mix the two up, especially if it puts you in unnecessary debt.

    Well, there are three issues, the two listed above, and

    3- Cost limitations, the fact that taking out a lot of debt is a bad idea if you want to go into a low paying profession like journalism, and the colleges you named are very expensive if you do not get scholarships or financial aid.

    Fortunately, $40k per year from your father's college fund for you could give you some options, possibly including some out-of-state ones if you get scholarships (SUNYs should fall below that limit at in-state list price). Financial aid would be less likely, since that requires your mother's cooperation.
    edited July 9
    · Reply · Share
  • SJ2727SJ2727 2721 replies14 threads Senior Member
    edited July 9
    A (successful) journalist who visited my daughter’s school for careers info said anyone interested in journalism should major in something else, and do writing courses too.

    My daughter’s college (which apparently has a very good journalism department) requires a dual major with journalism. Some top colleges don’t even offer a journalism major and direct students to writing courses instead.

    All this to underscore that (1) you don’t necessarily need a school that offers “journalism” (2) it’s a good idea to double major if it does.

    FWIW, colleges generally will not interact with parents at all in admissions process or thereafter. However, you cannot just do it all without your mother’s cooperation - at the least for completing FAFSA (and CSS for private schools).
    edited July 9
    · Reply · Share
  • happy1happy1 24201 replies2428 threads Super Moderator
    edited July 9
    Agree that $120,000 in debt should be a hard no.

    The truth is that if your parents are funding the bulk of your college education then they have a say in when you go. Even if your relationship is difficult be grateful for their financial support. IMO cost and travel during COVID are valid concerns.

    That said...NYS is a huge state and SUNY schools appear to be within your financial parameters with no debt. There are tons of great options... Binghamton, Buffalo, Albany, New Paltz Geneseo, Purchase to name but a few. Google SUNY colleges and figure out which have your major and fit your academic profile. You should have some good options.

    And FWIW one of my college friends was an English major, became an editor of the college paper, worked as a stringer/freelancer for some news organizations (ex. AP) as well as for the city's local paper while in college and became a journalist.
    edited July 9
    Post edited by happy1 on
    · Reply · Share
  • happymomof1happymomof1 30858 replies198 threads Senior Member
    Depending on your interests beyond journalism, you could look at the state divisions at Cornell. FIT is on your list, maybe you need to look at Cornell's College of Human Ecology.
    · Reply · Share
  • etheraldaydreamsetheraldaydreams 1 replies1 threads New Member
    I would like to note that I am a low income black student and the funds are from my father who passed away,it’s just disappointing when via the net price calculator it will end up costing 5,000 to go to USC or 11,000 to go to Oxy given my mother’s income/ dependency override (due to years of cps cases and even being removed by the state from my house.) The 40,000 annually is more than enough in my opinion. I don’t understand why she would rather me give more of that money to a college she wants ( Pace/Syracuse). Her main complaint is travel costs which I again can pay myself. Journalism was my mothers choice of major because she freaked when I told her I wanted to major in Marketing/Communications. Thank you for the help guys I’m actually going to major in something I want to...
    · Reply · Share
  • aunt beaaunt bea 10380 replies73 threads Senior Member
    SUNY Buffalo. It is a very good school and is really underrated.
    Our Southern California daughter wanted to go as far away from us and so she did so. She didn't want to go to UCSD, one of the schools that accepted her, along with Johns Hopkins. She's now back in SoCal.

    I think you could get some scholarships at USC, but, it's not a sure thing AND with the COVID restrictions, I don't know if financial help is going to happen.
    Don't allow your sibling to take out loans. You'll be repaying those for years and you may have to go back and live with your mother if you are stuck financially, riding her couch!

    Journalism does not have a strong financial outlook. https://www.bls.gov/ooh/media-and-communication/reporters-correspondents-and-broadcast-news-analysts.htm

    Major in whatever you choose, just don't take out large loans. Momma doesn't need to know what you are majoring in.
    · Reply · Share
  • nomoodnomood 322 replies29 threads Member
    If it costs you 5000 a year to go to USC, then your only obstacle would be getting in. Even with travel, you'd be able to afford it.
    · Reply · Share
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 83881 replies744 threads Senior Member
    nomood wrote: »
    If it costs you 5000 a year to go to USC, then your only obstacle would be getting in. Even with travel, you'd be able to afford it.

    The other obstacle is whether the OP's mother will cooperate with FA forms for colleges that she does not approve of. Also, if she controls the $160k college money.
    · Reply · Share
  • nomoodnomood 322 replies29 threads Member
    Oh, I see.
    · Reply · Share
  • happy1happy1 24201 replies2428 threads Super Moderator
    edited July 10
    FWIW I think that marketing/communications (especially if you combine it with a lot of statistics courses) could be a better major than journalism.

    Have you run the net price calculator for Fordham? That could be a good option if affordable. Again, NYS should have many fine options for you so don't dismiss the schools just because you'd rather be elsewhere. It is an expense and a hassle to fly across the country for college so don't discount your mother's concerns. You can always try to take a semester abroad to expand your horizons and you will be free to move anywhere you like once you get a job after college.
    edited July 10
    Post edited by happy1 on
    · Reply · Share
  • sbdad12sbdad12 286 replies13 threads Junior Member
    edited July 10
    I'd recommend looking at a school like Mizzou (University of Missouri in Columbia). It has the first and maybe one of the best journalism schools in the country, along with Medill, Morehouse, etc. My friend's son goes there and he loves it. They have an NBC affiliate on campus so there is practical experience too. Lots of famous alums. It's a nice place to spend 4 years.
    https://journalism.missouri.edu/

    The total OOS cost is about $41K/year. They are trying very hard to recruit URM, including African Americans, so they may throw money your way. Plus you are splitting the distance with your mom. Not NY, but not CA too. I think your mom would be proud to say you go to one of the best J schools in the country.
    https://www.collegefactual.com/majors/communication-journalism-media/journalism/rankings/top-ranked/
    edited July 10
    · Reply · Share
  • theloniusmonktheloniusmonk 3041 replies5 threads Senior Member
    Agree, achieving what you did in the context of a single parent home, URM, could make you competitive for colleges like Vassar or Fordham, as others have mentioned, maybe with merit scholarships at some places as well. I spend a few years in Poughkeepsie, ten minutes from Vassar, it's a great campus. Any college close to NYC will be great as well for a journalism major. good luck!
    · Reply · Share
Sign In or Register to comment.

Recent Activity