Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

Can you give me tips on my common app short essay?

Jpesch95Jpesch95 Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
edited September 2012 in Common Application
Letters and words and sentences and stories. Papers and pens and ideas. Writers and subjects. Journalism. It's my passion.
I became involved with my school newspaper last year. As a writer, I learned how to put my thoughts into words and my words into stories. I trusted my instincts and got the job done. For the first time in my life, I saw the world with clear eyes; I felt as if I was finally doing something worthwhile.
I was timid before journalism, but through it, I became fearless. I contacted participants of the Egyptian Revolution. I catechized my town's council members. I talked to people nobody else would approach. I'd found my calling.
This year, I was promoted to news editor. I love it. I get to instruct the next generation of journalists; I get to share my passion with these kids. They teach me something new each and every day. I'm learning how to adapt and overcome, and how to lead by example. I'm determined to change the world with my words - one story at a time.
Post edited by Jpesch95 on

Replies to: Can you give me tips on my common app short essay?

  • elmohasagunelmohasagun Registered User Posts: 63 Junior Member
    i like it.
  • hpyscmhpyscm Registered User Posts: 899 Member
    Don't use semicolons unless you absolutely need to lol
  • Jpesch95Jpesch95 Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
    Okay, when I posted it elsewhere, someone told me it was extremely uninteresting, cliche, and artificial. Was this just some random angry **** on the Internet, or are there aspects of this essay that need major revisions?
    P.S. Why no semicolons?
  • hbprincesshbprincess Registered User Posts: 32 Junior Member
    i'm in no means an expert on this, but my biggest piece of advice: show, don't tell, that journalism is your passion.

    Just an idea....make "I was timid before journalism, but through it, I became fearless." the first line (it's a good hook) and then from there make the theme of the piece how journalism has helped you to become a more outgoing and courageous person, i.e. how shy you were at the first meeting but now you confidently work the room as head, how the responsibility of being head has encouraged you to leave your comfort zone and talk to people that other people were scared to


    also, show don't tell that "I'd found my calling"

    hope i helped!
  • hbprincesshbprincess Registered User Posts: 32 Junior Member
    ^*in no way an expert. whoops!
This discussion has been closed.