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My parents do not want me to go to college out-of-state even after I got accepted.

iris13iris13 Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
(I apologize for this really long explanation)
I have previously talked to them before about applying to a certain college out-of-state, they seemed unsure about it but gave me the okay. So then, I started to apply to three more out of state colleges and notified them about it as well, and they didn't mind. When I finally got an acceptance letter from one of them, I was overall filled with joy and they gave me the congrats. Now, it's time to put in a deposit and schedule a registration date for picking out classes and such over the summer. All of a sudden, they now forbid me to go out-of-state after I just applied a total of 4. My reasons to go out-of-state is my way to a start in adulthood because I get to do things on my own without the temptation of having my parent nearby. I do not want to live in California anymore, I believe there are more opportunities out there for me. This is my first acceptance so far and I really do like this school. They offer a lot of academic and career opportunities for their students. I understand my parents point of view on my safety and the financial circumstance. But I really want to go to a school where I know I'll love, I do not want to spend another 4 years miserable like I am in high school. They highly recommend community college than a university because it is closer and it saves a lot of money, (no offense to community college) but I didn't suffer all those AP classes and sleepless nights just to go to community college. (excuse my language ahead) that would just mean I worked my ass off for nothing. I want the best for myself and to get a good education where I know I'll succeed. I've been applying for scholarships and finding a job to make this work, and to have them forbid my choice of what could be the start of becoming somewhat independent and responsible is ridiculous. I've done my research and all I could do, but my mom especially is being hard headed about it and won't let me pursue my goals. Would this have been different if I were a boy and safety wouldn't be an issue since that is mostly my mom's problem?

Replies to: My parents do not want me to go to college out-of-state even after I got accepted.

  • GatormamaGatormama Registered User Posts: 988 Member
    Did you apply anywhere in-state? What are your stats?

    You had this buried in your post (please use paragraphs, btw): " I understand my parents point of view on my safety and the financial circumstance."

    That makes me think finances are a bit more important to your parents than you are saying/realizing. Have you and your parents had the "let's get real" financial talk? This may be less about them worried about you going far away and more about them not being able to afford OOS, once they saw the sticker price.

    So did you fill out the FAFSA and what's your EFC?

    If your parents can only afford $10k a year for college, all the speeches about opportunity and your independence won't matter a bit: You'll be in-state and maybe even cc.
  • jym626jym626 Registered User Posts: 54,470 Senior Member
    edited December 2017
    While it’s best to have the “money” talk before applying, what is ridiculous is expecting that they can and should pay for an OOS school just because you want to “start in adulthood”. That’s unreasonable.. As an aside, am wondering if English is not your fist language, as the word and grammatical choices are unusual. Perhaps there is a cultural reason that your parents don’t want you to go far away. Then again as others said, CA is a huge state. If your parents cant afford an OOS college,it’s unlikely last minute scholarship apps and a job will cover your costs. If its unaffordable, look into other options.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 6,984 Senior Member
    edited December 2017
    Part of being an adult is learning to communicate well. That includes listening to other people and trying to understand their point-of-view. You said your parents were hesitant about letting you apply to OOS schools, and you mention financial circumstances being a consideration almost in passing. It sounds like they can't afford OOS colleges. You need to ask them how much they're willing/able to pay each year. If it's less than the cost of an OOS school your choices are to find a school that offers need based aid, apply to one that offers merit for your stats, commute to a local 4-year school, or start at a cc.

    Did you apply to any CA colleges? If not, your local cc is your safety. There's nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of smart people whose families can't afford residential schools. Community colleges are full of them.
  • GreymeerGreymeer Registered User Posts: 225 Junior Member
    Find a Co-op program.
  • thumper1thumper1 Registered User Posts: 69,454 Senior Member
    edited December 2017
    Checking for clarity....

    You live in CA? A HUGE state, and you don’t think you can “start your adulthood” unless you go to college OOS?

    You have your whole life after college graduation to get a job and move anywhere YOU choose.

    If your parents won’t fund a college outside of CA...you need a plan B...that is IN CA. And likely a public university as affordability is likely one reason your parents are concerned about OOS colleges.

  • iris13iris13 Registered User Posts: 2 New Member
    After seeing your responses, it is more reasonable to stay in-state. I have applied to colleges in-state and placed community college in my FAFSA. My dad is worried about this situation financially, since FAFSA gave a small amount of aid to my brother when he was applying. His thoughts on me going OOS, he seems fine with it. However, my mom is not okay with it. The only problem for me with CC is how long it takes to transfer, it can be hard to become a full-time student, especially with distractions in the way like getting a job and other personal reasons. I have visited colleges in-state such as UCs and Cal states, but I don't feel as comfortable as I want to be. I thought that going OOS would be a new environment and a fresh start. I do not have any problems fitting in high school, I have amazing friends who are supportive and like-minded. What I meant by miserable is that I don't like the environment I am in and the people around me. By going to CC, I feel it is another version of that. This first college acceptance I got was one of my top schools, but if giving it up is a better choice then I will do it.
  • AroundHereAroundHere Registered User Posts: 3,549 Senior Member
    Really, you need to wait and see what your financial aid offers look like. Did you pick schools with the price tag in mind? There are places you can go to college out of state cheaply, but the "cool schools" that have a lot of demand don't give merit scholarships. They often meet financial need, but as one "dream school" financial aid offer put it, "It's supposed to hurt a little bit." "Meeting need" often means setting the price to the limit your family can afford.
  • happymomof1happymomof1 Registered User Posts: 27,684 Senior Member
    Remember, you don't need to say Yes or No until the end of April. Wait until all of your acceptances are in, and all of the aid packages are in. You can decide then. A lot can happen in the next four months that might change the way you and your parents see things.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 69,197 Senior Member
    Did you apply to a selection of in-state UCs and CSUs?

    It seems like your desire to go out-of-state is "grass looks greener" based. How do you know that a UC or CSU (especially in a different part of California) will not be a "new environment", or that the "new environment" at the out-of-state schools is necessarily better?

    It also seems that you and your parents have not had the money talk so that you know what the cost constraints on your college choice are, so that you can build an application list with affordability in mind.
  • aunt beaaunt bea Registered User Posts: 9,113 Senior Member
    I can’t believe that with the variety of CSU’s and UCs, you couldn’t find one public or private school, in all of our state, that would have made you feel like an independent adult.

    We’re in California.
    We drove 900 miles From Southern California to Northern California to drop off our freshman daughter.
    Had we driven east, we would’ve been in multiple states.

    It’s odd that you would think that California wouldn’t make you independent, given that every other OOS kid wants to come to our state for their educations.

    My 18-year-old freshman daughter booked her own Southwest flights, got to the airport on her own, boarded with luggage, came home, then did the similar routines or car pools to go back and forth throughout her 4 years.

    Your parents can’t afford to send you out of state. Both you and your parents made a mistake in not openly discussing your college and financial obligations. You were supposed to have a serious financial conversation with your parents before you applied.

    My eldest daughter traveled from Southern California to New York, she received multiple scholarships that would fund her out of state tuition and her room and board. Did you get anything like that?
  • calmomcalmom Registered User Posts: 19,689 Senior Member
    edited December 2017
    Iris, the financial problem has to be solved first -- so no point in discussing safety with your mom.

    If you applied EA to the school that accepted you, then you don't have to make a decision now. Also, sometimes if you are eligible for merit scholarships you may not find out untll later on -- so one more reason to wait. There really is no good reason to make a deposit right away. (And maybe that is what has set off your parent's response).

    The options will become more clear in the spring when you have financial aid awards in hand.

    My daughter, like you, also wanted to leave the state. Unlike your mom, I wasn't worried about her safety -- but I was worried about money, so I told my daughter that she had to apply in-state and that decisions could only be made after she had financial aid offers in from all schools.

    That made the decision process easy. My daughter got into all sorts of out-of-state colleges that I couldn't afford to pay for. But she did get into one that was generous with financial aid, so off she went.

    Since your dad doesn't have the extra emotional complication of being fearful for your safety, I would suggest that you talk finances with your dad. You need to figure out where the line is drawn between what your family can afford, what they could manage with a stretch, and what would be totally impossible.

  • NASA2014NASA2014 Registered User Posts: 2,282 Senior Member
    You live in CA, but have to go OOS to learn how to "My reasons to go out-of-state is my way to a start in adulthood because I get to do things on my own without the temptation of having my parent nearby."

    I don't know where in CA you live, but CA IS A BIG state with good schools.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 33,462 Senior Member
    Getting in means nothing. Paying is the issue. California is a big state with varied geography. I roll my eyes at students who think they have to leave the state to get away from home. You may need to take a gap year and apply in-state next year to find affordable options.
  • BooajoBooajo Registered User Posts: 1,171 Senior Member
    Sounds like you are rushing a bit--there is no need to commit to anything now. Let it play out. See what other choices you have. Try and be more patient. Your parents may (or may not) come around.
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