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Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

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Replies to: Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

  • younghossyounghoss 3165 replies18 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    still waiting for those who think this was bullying to clarify for me the difference between just teasing someone, insulting someone and bullying. Do those that think this was bullying see no difference?

    Post 204 cites an area that I already posted. I saw nothing there about potential remarks as bullying.

    And lastly, while I can't speak for others, I see a difference between inappropriate and bullying. In fact, that is the difference I am trying to demonstrate. Let me be clear- I am not defending inappropriate or even unkind remarks. I'm saying a one-time insult does not rise to the level of bullying.
    edited May 2016
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  • OHMomof2OHMomof2 12641 replies232 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    This site has a chart that describes differences between teasing and taunting (bullying): http://bullyingepidemic.com/when-teasing-turns-bad-how-can-we-tell/

    I don't think the kid in the OP was teasing in a friendly way at all, though it would be interesting if OP's D had responded with something about sending him back over the border or something (as he's apparently part Hispanic) and knowing how he reacted to that. If it was with good humor, perhaps they could be said to be teasing each other.
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  • bhs1978bhs1978 665 replies12 postsRegistered User Member
    Thanks for the link Carolina mom. Just read the entire link and by the definitions you just linked us to, it is my opinion that this incident is not bullying.

    Kchendds....I'm glad that your daughter did not say anything to provoke or insult this kid. I said in my post that I was not insinuating she did, I was merely asking unanswered questions. May I ask politely what preceded the offensive statement?
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  • younghossyounghoss 3165 replies18 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    An excellent point, Ohmom, (post 206) none of us were there to hear what preceded the comment, the context, or what conversation may have followed; although we do know since then the boy has apologized and the girl has accepted the apology. Without having an objective, fuller context, I am hesitant to define it as rising to the level of bullying.
    edited May 2016
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  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6895 replies223 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    This definition includes the potential for repeated behavior .http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/
    Of course none of use were present to hear the interchange. No way to know what was said without someone at the school assessing the situation. As I said before , look into and if it is determined not to be bullying, then it wasn't bullying. Why assume it wasn't without looking into it?
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  • bhs1978bhs1978 665 replies12 postsRegistered User Member
    Why assume it was if the daughter has already moved on?
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  • younghossyounghoss 3165 replies18 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    I saw that one definition too, carolinamom, but as I said, I saw many others that did not mention potential for bullying. How does one define potential for repeated behavior? I can see if a kid has done bullying 4 other times(for example) that he has potential for more. BUT if he's already done it 4 times he has already established a pattern. Do we say that any kid or any adult that has ever said an inappropriate or insulting remark has demonstrated a potential for bullying? Isn't that awfully broad?
    edited May 2016
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  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6895 replies223 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    I guess people that are bullied never just let it go and move on. Especially when the bully is given the benefit of the doubt
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  • younghossyounghoss 3165 replies18 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    If the D were to go to school authorities and report the incident fully, what would she say? Would she say that boy "threatened" if Trump was elected the Feds would deport her, but she knows that isn't legal because she's an American citizen? Wouldn't the authority figure then say-- well, his comment was rude, but since you know you cannot be legally deported, how exactly was it threatening, even if we assume Trump will be elected?

    Personally, I don't want bullies given the benefit of the doubt. But in this case, I don't see enough to be convinced this boy was in fact a bully to Op's daughter. He sure was rude, unthinking, inappropriate, and eventually apologetic though.
    edited May 2016
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  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6895 replies223 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    I guess that's the good thing . It's not up to us to be convinced , it's up to the school administration to be convinced after looking into the situation where both sides are thoroughly evaluated .
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  • soccerguy315soccerguy315 7168 replies77 postsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    Do people really think that it is racist for someone to say they hope certain laws will be enforced? I think the fact that the OP's kid is legally here makes a big difference.
    edited May 2016
    Post edited by vonlost on
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  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 postsRegistered User Member
    edited May 2016
    @bhs1978 it was the national anthem being played during a movie in class and daughter didn't stand up when the teacher played the movie the second time . The guy made that comment to D for that but almost half the class didn't stand up though.
    edited May 2016
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  • bhs1978bhs1978 665 replies12 postsRegistered User Member
    I agree then that it was unprovoked however I still don't believe it was bullying. Why didn't she want to stand up? She is an American Citizen. He does appear to be a jerk but we are losing a lot of patriotism in this country and it appears that he was equally offended by her apparent disrespect for our country. Please don't take that the wrong way. I'm not personally saying she was being disrespectful but as I said before I like to see things from all sides and can see how he was also offended.
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  • bhs1978bhs1978 665 replies12 postsRegistered User Member
    I didn't say that I stand for the national anthem in a movie nor did I say her daughter should. The point is half the class did, and apparently this guy was offended. I also said he was a jerk. The point is they were both offended in this instance. He handled it poorly and apparently the OP's daughter while offended handled it better. Why is it ok for her to be offended and not him. I've said throughout this entire thread that I try to understand both sides of a situation. Sorry if that offends you Carolina mom.
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