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I am worried about the introduction to my essay. Im 21 and I don't want to sound young and inexperienced to the point my readers won't think Im a good source of credible information. Tell me what you think, good or bad. I wanted to start off with a good attention grabbing sentence but Im thinking of switching the first two sentences. And about my little politics joke do you think that is apropriate or too informal. Granted this is not an admissions essay just a typical 1400 word paper.
Beware of pickpockets, muggers, drug dealers, and gang members. Some of America's most prized and beautiful cities have deep, dark secrets. New York, New York is one of the most mesmorizing cities, especially at night, but even if you have never been there, you have heard the horror stories of violence. What about other cities, Washington, DC for example? It's beautiful, historical, and overrun with politics, which is a horror story itself, but thats a different story. How can you know where safe is or if what you see from above is what you get? While New York City has a reputation for corruption and Washington, DC is the center for law-making and government power, suprisingly they share similar crime rates.