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Opinions Matter

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Replies to: Opinions Matter

  • MARIMBAgirlMARIMBAgirl Registered User Posts: 18 New Member
    Thank you both! Colburn is a couple hours from me, I'll check into it :)
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 9,774 Senior Member
    I agree with musicprnt. And I also fear that a parent with undue anxiety about various locations may affect the daughter's plans. This is not "getting on" the mother. It sounds to me as if the mom needs some help with this transition. Lots of parents (including me) have anxiety about their children leaving, and lots of parents have anxiety disorders too. That is akin to having a medical condition that needs to be addressed. I feel, MARIMBAgirl, that your information about schools is limited by the lack of a person who can guide you. I am sympathetic to your mother, but feel you need someone else in your life to help you with these decisions and applications and who can also reassure your mom.
  • oscar63oscar63 Registered User Posts: 245 Junior Member
    @MARIMBAgirl You are ahead of the game gathering information now. Best of luck to you! I am like your mom- I don't want my kids to go far either.
  • momsingsmomsings Registered User Posts: 776 Member
    Thank you, @Mezzo'sMama for eloquently voicing what I was thinking. Ditto. I wish you all the best @MARIMBAgirl.
  • musicprntmusicprnt Registered User Posts: 6,253 Senior Member
    I think some of the comments on the mom were inappropriate, there is no doubt. Obviously, most parents love their kids and want the best for them, and the OP is still relatively new to this whole process. I think some of the posts were wise, advising the OP to not limit her search at this point, and also to make sure to pass the information they find on schools and programs to the mom so when the time comes, they can make a good decision:). With something like music, that quite frankly is about as ambiguous a mess as anyone could navigate, the more information, the better, and likewise, decisions are going to be at least in some ways guesses, but the more intelligent the guess, the better the results:)
  • dgs650dgs650 Registered User Posts: 30 Junior Member
    Thanks, @mezzo'smama! I tried to do it in a more discreet way but clearly there are some who need things spelled out for them. As an educator of 20+ years (and ALWAYS a student!), I should know that not everyone can figure out when they're being insensitive and just call it like it is. I just hope we didn't scare off a wonderfully inquisitive and reflective child. The world needs more like her and we in our cloak of caring and guidance may find it better to withhold judgment and allow a mother and daughter to arrive at some conclusions based on useful information.
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 9,774 Senior Member
    edited March 2015
    Wow, I have been posting what I thought were supportive responses on this forum for almost 9 years. I thought it was important to articulate concerns when every college neighborhood seems unsafe to a parent and Boston is deemed unsafe because of the Marathon bombing. I also had concerns for a young woman who is just now learning that an undergrad degree is needed before grad, and was willing to undertake study of three languages to meet requirements. This is highly admirable but would mean a tangent into some very hard work which would not be helpful at this time.

    It is not a sin to suffer anxiety. It is not slamming anyone to suggest it. I had trouble flying back from Europe last summer: I cancelled because of thunderstorms and then realized there was a thunderstorm every day. Before going over, I sought help for my flying fears because I knew they were irrational.

    Again, I think, Marimbagirl, that it would be helpful if you have a counselor or teacher who can give you some in-person help. This is nothing against your mother or anyone else. I can sympathize with anxiety and was not pathologizing it, only saying it can be an obstacle to your free choice of schools and locations. i was hoping your mother could find a way to feel more comfortable. I thik anxiety at transitions is part of parenting.

    And it is fine for a family to decide it is better to stay close to home, or even live at home. I have one doing that right now, but not because I thought other places were unsafe. It is that sense that a parent might be suffering from a feeling that the child is unsafe in so many places that was concerning, not the desire for the child to be near home.

    I have a kid with serious health issues who can die overnight. I am also suffering a life-threatening illness myself. I am very anxious, with good reason. But I am still not going to limit my daughters' choices due to that anxiety. In fact, she is going across the country for school. With a different child, maybe the decision would be different.

    Separation is hard for all of us. Anxiety is normal but should not limit our kids: if it does, we should seek help, as I have sometimes done myself.

    I really don't want to hijack this thread and hope this discussion ends. i beg of other posters not to answer this. I am not going to look at it again.

    Good luck Marimbagirl.
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