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Motherof Dragons: Last year I realized that being an uber efficient Sikorsky Attack Helicopter Parent (tm) was not helping my daughters, and I got us all into counseling and eventually learned (and am still learning) to demote myself to research assistant and unconditionally supportive mom.
I had made the mistake of equating their freaky high test scores with the desire to be a top academic, and had really burned the joy of learning right out of my kids with insanely high expectations.
Luckily the girls were saddled with only one helicopter parent; my husband has always been of the mindset that they will figure it out eventually, and the right way for them will be inevitably fraught with failures and errors. I still struggle with this even as I recognize it is a much healthier way to raise the kids, rather than making sure everything is as perfect as I can make it and trying to protect them from all the iniquities and unfairness in life.
As a hyper-critical perfectionist, it has been a HUGE struggle for me to let them be not as perfect as they can possibly be. But it has also taken a lot of pressure off of them that I was unfairly putting on them.
I still nag, but if it doesn't get done, hey, that's their choice, and they will end up where they're supposed to be, rather than an artificial accomplishment that feels alien and unearned to them because it was their mother paving the way and obliterating all obstacles in their path.
They know we love them no matter what-that's probably the most important thing I had to learn to communicate to them-that their failure or success at obstacles does not affect our love for them.
We're still far from having it all figured out, but it feels like we're pointed in a happier direction now.