Replies to: Freaking out that my kid WILL get in?

• #1

  buuzn03 Registered User Posts: 1,407 Senior Member

  February 2018

  I think we all had these panic moments....and sometimes still do! Mine really didn't get bad until close to move-in day....my DS and I are very very close, so I think it shocked many people that I was so calm. Especially since we live over 2000 miles away!
  
  I didn't even cry until about 2 weeks after drop off....my daughter had to make a book covered with ephemeral items....she showed me her finished product and on it was a sticky note my son had written when he was going out for a run...super simple, but so him. I lost it. Bawled like a baby.
  
  I'm not going to lie and say it's all cake and balloons...but he FaceTimes several days per week...and every time I see him in his element, it makes it easier knowing this was the perfect decision. I see such growth in him in areas I never thought he'd expand...I even see more appreciation from him for his family & home.
  
  He comes home holidays...I went up Parent's weekeand we are going up again on President's Day weekend. I think the longest we've been apart is about 6-8 weeks. I miss him most after immediately I see him & get to spend time with him...it's more apparent then the void his absence brings to our family. But then we settle back in to routine and almost nightly FaceTime sessions. And again I see how he's flourishing and it's all worth it.
  
  Go ahead and freak out....we'd worry if you didn't! But I think you'll find that it ends up being easier than you expect.

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• #2

  infinityprep1234 Registered User Posts: 431 Member

  February 2018

  When my older kid told that she will apply, my husband was opposed to it. He told her that no way with three kids in house he is gonna pay for her. But daughter kept insisting and recruited her siblings to let her apply. She did and when need based award came, we were surprised. Last year second daughter also got into. Now my husband has changed of heart, and he ask my third kid and asking him to apply.
  
  We went from a no way family to yes yes family. After all we have to let our own kids make their own choices. What do we know about future.

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• #3

  buuzn03 Registered User Posts: 1,407 Senior Member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  @infinityprep1234 when DS first asked me, he was 9...I think I actually shouted the word NO :)) now DD is researching schools....sigh

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• #4

  vegas1 Registered User Posts: 432 Member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  With our oldest we lived on the west coast when he broached the subject of BS in 8th grade. As a public school educated west coaster the idea of BS was unheard of to me. We had struggled to find good academic fits for our kids as they are all PG. They had attended parochial school, online school, homeschool, public school and magnet school. Our philosophy on education had always been we wouldn’t stand in their way of learning.
  So, when he came home from an assembly at school and told us he planned to apply to PEA, we used the same line, “ we won’t stand in your way”. If you apply, get accepted and get FA then of course we support your decisions. Of course- we never believed all that would happen. So March 10th, 2010 all our lives changed dramatically.
  Fast forward 8 years later and I can’t imagine having done it any other way. The BS journey has been a crazy ride for us all. It led all 4 kids to attend, me to move across the country (couldn’t stand being so far away) so many memories for all. Our youngest graduates in 2019 and our families BS journey is coming to an end. Now to decide who to follow to college... (halfway joking)!

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• #5

  ChoatieMom Registered User Posts: 5,037 Senior Member

  February 2018

  For us, birthdays have been the hardest. We haven’t celebrated our son’s birthday with him since he was 14. He’ll be 21 next week, the BIG one, and we won’t be there yet again. We always celebrate when he comes home for spring break, but it’s not the same. Especially this one.
  
  As for freaking out about getting in, I was the odd parent here who was praying her kid did NOT get into his first choice college. Of course, he did. You just deal with it. Remember, it’s all about them, not us.

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• #6

  hellomaisy Registered User Posts: 179 Junior Member

  February 2018

  March 10 was a little bit hard, but I knew how badly he wanted it and so it was hard to not be excited with/for him. Drop off day 3 years ago was the hardest thing I've ever done. We hugged goodbye at the student center and he walked - alone - across the quad to the new students meet-up place for orientation... I watched him walk away from me and the urge to scream, "No, stop, WAIT!" was almost overwhelming. But he has thrived, and we LOVE watching him in his element...a "BMOC", as his adviser likes to tell us.
  His sister, 8th grade, has applied for next year. She's our baby and, well, I would love for her to stay home and go through high school sports and prom and drama with us here. But, alas, it isn't about me, and it's what she's wanted since she was 7. I'm not sure how it will play out. If she gets in and goes, I'll join you for a drink on March 10...and again on Aug 26.

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• #7

  twinsmama Registered User Posts: 1,554 Senior Member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  You get used to it. Think of The Wizard of Oz: When the kids are gone, everything is in black and white but that seems normal, but when they are home, everything is in Technicolor and you realize how much you were missing.

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• #8

  blevine Registered User Posts: 868 Member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  Look at it this way...will be easier when they go to college ;-)

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• #9

  buuzn03 Registered User Posts: 1,407 Senior Member

  February 2018

  @twinsmama BEST. ANALOGY. EVER

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• #10

  dramakid2 Registered User Posts: 199 Junior Member

  February 2018

  I understand the angst, I have my fair share of it too. But I suppose for me, my level of anxiety about my son being far away is not as high as others since I went to boarding school myself. It was a life changing experience for me, so I feel very comfortable knowing that our son will have an experience of a lifetime if he goes. Looking ahead I think his birthday will be the hardest, since it will not fall over a break period. I also look at the alternative – sending him to a private day school that is a 40 minute drive each way. He could easily spend 90+ minutes on the bus in the morning, and in the evening we would still have to drive to pick him up after sports or theatre practice, etc. That situation is less than ideal, and would end up costing us 2/3 of what full freight would cost us at a BS once you add up tuition, bus charges and mileage and gas to pick him up each night.
  
  What keeps me up at night is the financial commitment that we’re going to make if he gets into his school(s) of choice on M10. Today’s average BS tuition is 3x what it was when I graduated 25 years ago, and that is an extraordinary amount of money for any family. Even though we have resources to pay and have a strong commitment to providing a top notch education, I would be lying if the figure did not give me pause. Regardless of whether a family is FP or on FA, it is a significant sacrifice for any family to make (unless maybe you are some kind of celebrity and worth 8 or 9 figures)! The money parents spend on BS means giving up savings that would have padded your retirement, or remodeled a section of your home, or provided a much needed new car, etc. Even the logistics of taking time off work to transport back and forth because breaks start on a Friday and end on Monday – it all adds up! All these things run through my head, but in the end I am rooting for him to get in on M10 because I know that is what he wants, and that it is the opportunity of a lifetime for him.
  

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• #11

  ChoatieMom Registered User Posts: 5,037 Senior Member

  February 2018

  And if “transport” means flights, the financial burden is even heavier.

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• #12

  buuzn03 Registered User Posts: 1,407 Senior Member

  February 2018 edited February 2018

  ^we changed our credit card to a southwest card, and have been racking up miles....so far, almost all of DS' flights home have either been covered by those miles earned, or SWA gift cards we got for birthdays & Christmas.

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• #13

  preppedparent Registered User Posts: 3,325 Senior Member

  February 2018

  I agree those panicky feelings are normal, then you go to the revisit days, and you start to think of all the wonderful opportunities and you take one step forward at a time. It does feel bad (thankfully she didn't tell me in real time) that she cried herself to sleep that first night in Nichols (girls dorm) on the third floor. Birthdays really are hard, but when we looked at BS we agreed not to look further than a 2 hour driving distance from our house. We were willing to give them up, but only so much. The umbilical cord could only stretch a 2 mile radius. Lucky for us, in the Boston area, that included most of the schools on our list. We didn't look at Cate or Thatcher or Lawrenceville. As it turned out both kids are on the West Coast now for college, and that's soon enough for us to be so far away.
  
  When my oldest one was 4 or so, she had left her blanket at home. We had gone to a vacation spot almost 2 hours a way for the weekend. She couldn't sleep without it. Of course, when we discovered it upon arrival, I turned right around myself and traveled the 2 hours back to get it and another 2 hours back to the hotel.
  
  I guess I was thinking of that. If DD forgot something she really needed 2 hours was about my limit, but I knew I could go down and back in one day--if ever she forgot something...like forgot to give us a hug and a kiss or forgot boo boo again at home and needed it.

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• #14

  CaliMex Registered User Posts: 1,367 Senior Member

  February 2018

  Do FA packages include $ for travel?

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• #15

  narcissediaz98 Registered User Posts: 67 Junior Member

  February 2018

  @dramakid2 so many similarities in our story. I went to BS too and DD has grown up knowing how impactful that time of my life was and how much I would want her to experience the same. We had her in a local private school that was a 45 minute commute each day up thru last year and that really affected her ability to participate in ECs and it definitely affected her sleep pattern. She was a zombie most days and slept in the car all the time. Luckily we found a great online school to enroll her in this year which has solved a lot of those issues and if M10 doesn’t work out in her favor, she is happy with the program she is in now to use as a solid plan B.

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