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Parent's Divorcing, Need advice

TheOnyxStarTheOnyxStar 0 replies2 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 2 New Member
This was inevitable but I'm finding it hard to deal with now that's a reality.

I live at home and for the last year it's just been my mom and I in the house. She's finally going to divorce my father and I kept telling her that I was going to be okay with it, yet now that it's going to happen I can't seem to get out of my depression. I barely passed my classes last semester and I'm really worried about next semester.

I'm tired all the time, emotionally and physcially. I guess I just need help to figure out how to balance my job, my classes and all this crap.
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Replies to: Parent's Divorcing, Need advice

  • yourmommayourmomma 1320 replies1 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,321 Senior Member
    Frankly it's not your problem. Let your parents deal with it. Focus on your future and don't worry about them. They'll figure it out. Just think, two Chrismases.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 36,935 Senior Member
    It's their problem if they live in the house and is trying to balance relationships with both parents. Ask your mom if you can see a counselor for a few sessions to talk about your issues.
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  • UndercrackersUndercrackers 853 replies2 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 855 Member
    Divorce is tough on kids, regardless of their age. You are depressed because you are mourning the end of their relationship and your family unit as you have known it most of your life. And you are feeling stressed because you don't know what this is all going to mean for you. Will you still be living in your house, or will you have to move? Who will you be living with? Will you still be able to afford college, especially if your parents are paying now?

    When my parents lowered the boom on me and my brother, I ran my 10-year-old self out of the apartment and down the block in an attempt to run away from it all. Needless to say, I didn't get far. And that was after years of my dad being gone a lot/tons of fighting when he was home, so it wasn't completely out of the blue - still a shock. Hopefully, you are not getting pulled into the drama (i.e. having to be a parent's sounding board or hearing one trash the other).

    It all just sucks, but it is how we move forward from these life curve balls that make us who we are. Keep your head down and focus on your future - that will help you feel more in control when you are part of a situation in which you don't have any. It would help to talk to someone who maybe isn't intimately involved: a friend, pastor, counselor. Just to know that whatever you are feeling and experiencing isn't crazy, and that it will get better.
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  • coolguy40coolguy40 1934 replies2 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,936 Senior Member
    You need to go to the health center to be put on an anti-depressant and go to counseling on a regular basis. You certainly don't need your parents problems in your life. It's saddening and depressing, but this is the time for you to separate yourself from them and worry about your own life as an adult.
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  • 123Mom456123Mom456 855 replies6 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 861 Member
    edited February 2018
    Agree that it might be helpful to have someone to talk to about this and I would suggest you talk to a counselor or other adult that you trust. (Maybe an aunt or close family friend.) Please don't think that counseling means you are clinical depressed and need medication. Most people just need someone to talk to and find healthy ways to sort out their feelings. This also doesn't mean it's time to separate yourself from your parents. You can still have a healthy relationship with both of them.
    edited February 2018
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  • coolguy40coolguy40 1934 replies2 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1,936 Senior Member
    Let me clarify. What I mean is to not let their problems become your problems. As a college student, you have enough emotion and stress to worry about in your own life. This is an issue that seems very complex and you need a skilled professional to help you through this. Depression is real and very common with college students. I've also seen it spiral out of control with tragic consequences. Despite the brainless advice from some of these posts, there is no more shame in taking an anti-depressant anymore than taking blood pressure medicine. Speaking from experience, they can make a world of difference, when paired with skilled therapy.
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  • PublisherPublisher 7388 replies76 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 7,464 Senior Member
    Please, do NOT take any anti-depressants. They are very serious medications which potentially dangerous side-effects.

    Seek help through counseling, exercise & eating a healthy diet (easy to goggle "foods that fight depression").


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  • bodanglesbodangles 8628 replies557 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 9,185 Senior Member
    Despite the brainless advice from some of these posts

    Cool, but that's several times now that you have unequivocally said that a person ABSOLUTELY HAS depression and ABSOLUTELY NEEDS anti-depressants. Are you a psychiatrist? Are you trained in the diagnosis and treatment of mental illnesses? If not, what gives you the authority to say what illnesses anyone has and what drugs anyone should take?
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  • soontobecollegersoontobecolleger 539 replies49 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 588 Member
    @philbegas @Publisher @bodangles As someone who has had these kinds of medications recommended to me more than once by people who are not mental health professionals, I really appreciate your posts
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  • PublisherPublisher 7388 replies76 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 7,464 Senior Member
    @TheOnyxStar: These suggestions may seem a bit odd, but please consider them.

    Try to say something nice to others. It will force you to think positive thoughts.

    Try to help others with their difficulties--such as walking shelter dogs or driving an elderly neighbor to the store or doctor's office. This type of activity makes one realize that others have problems too.

    Consider attending church group meetings on divorce. You are not alone--let others help you.

    Things get better.

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  • philbegasphilbegas 2924 replies73 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 2,997 Senior Member
    Why church group meetings? Aren't those often just ways to proselytize to vulnerable people?

    Additionally, I'm just saying that anti d's are more of a last resort, perhaps a recommendation better suited to somebody with suicidal thoughts, rather than somebody going through a relatively normal(but difficult) life event.

    I'm not a trained psychiatrist, and I'm sure it may be good to see a campus one since you're paying for it anyways. But for something like divorce it's nicer to be able to vent, talk.
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  • philbegasphilbegas 2924 replies73 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 2,997 Senior Member
    If everybody going through a stressful life event was put on drugs we would have a society full of numb zombies who are unable to cope with even the slightest tremor in their personal life.
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  • philbegasphilbegas 2924 replies73 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 2,997 Senior Member
    And for the record, my father walked out on my family when I was 6 so I understand the pain. It really sucks. But I'm sure glad my mother's first thought wasn't "this sad kid needs heavy medication"
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  • bodanglesbodangles 8628 replies557 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 9,185 Senior Member
    Whether anyone needs meds or not is between them and one or more medical professionals.
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