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Our Sons' Experience on Tinder

higgins2013higgins2013 Registered User Posts: 727 Member
Our shy (and naive) DS2018 son is using Tinder app, met his 1st GF this way, dated for a year, then broke-up. It was a reasonable match.

He's not put much effort into his photos. He looks kinda scruffy ("not professional"), used graduation photos w/friends, no specific "best foot forward" shots. He's a nice quiet guy, reasonably handsome though he doesn't know it. He also has an unimpressive post-college job, despite decent GPA due to current lack of serious direction. So several issues, including small dating pool in majority blue/collar little city in rural county. So not conventional "good catch" for a college grad woman?

Since break-up, matches haven't been so great. Several "one-date" meet-ups, w/some "hooking-up" occurring too. Ugh. One scary date w/bad hygiene and drug-user ex-BF; off to HIV test. Some more promising girls, w/life-direction, but difficult home-lives. One girl raised false pregnancy scare after one month of dating, w/call occurring after DS had asked to stop dating each other. These young women aren't long-term prospects, and their personal problems quickly overwhelm DS

Noted in new thread "worried DD not dating" that one parent flagged "Tinder girls asking for money". Frankly we're worried about this sort of potential manipulative situation too. DS is wary too, but wants to find a new girlfriend, and will meet whomever matches and agrees.

Work is not a likely place to do that. Also, he works every Saturday and Sunday, and church isn't a viable alternative for agnostic DS.

I'd very much other parents' advice and counsel re their own 20-something post-grad DS' experiences w/Tinder type dating apps. DS only half-listens to our advice, but seems free-sharing re experiences and own concerns.

Replies to: Our Sons' Experience on Tinder

  • happymomof1happymomof1 Registered User Posts: 29,101 Senior Member
    Is there any other place he can meet people to socialize with? Some week-night community group? Elections are coming up next year, is he interested enough to work on some party's organizing or campaign committee?
  • musicmom1215musicmom1215 Registered User Posts: 2,605 Senior Member
    I think my S and his wife met on Tinder (if that's the one where you swipe). She is perfectly normal, has a degree (teaches math) and we love her. He must have gotten lucky.

    My D met her SO on some app and they have had a long-distance (he's in grad school) relationship for about 20 months. He will graduate in May and we'll see what happens next. He was interning near her city when they met. They are in related fields of work. He seems to come from a normal family. I believe both his parents are teachers which means they probably don't have criminal records. lol

    Does your S have any hobbies or activities he enjoys? Surely there is some other way to meet people nowadays.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,362 Senior Member
    My daughter and her fiance met on OK Cupid, several years ago. A professional matchmaker couldn't have come up with a better pairing. Uncanny. Prior to that, she was on Tinder, but found it too hook-up oriented, tough to wade through the lame options. But she did date 2 great guys she found there, one of whom is still a friend. They had a lot of plain old fun together.

    Maybe your son's issue is the small dating pool in his rural county. Can he expand his search radius? I know so many people who matched online, of all ages. We had a thread here about adult posters who found their partners that way, not as young'uns (eg, post divorce.)

    Agree about ideas like MeetUp. But what's available also depends on where you are. In some areas, biking groups are a great idea, casual cyclists seem to be a very friendly group. Hiking gets people talking to each other. Committee work is a good opportunity, if the right others are there.
  • BunsenBurnerBunsenBurner Registered User Posts: 38,094 Senior Member
    "One scary date w/bad hygiene and drug-user ex-BF; off to HIV test. "

    Yikes. Make sure he retests in a few months. And also Hep B and C... sigh.
  • milee30milee30 Registered User Posts: 1,876 Senior Member
    The best advice will come from a female friend who is close to his age and lives in his area. Suggest he finds one of those to help him pick the best app/site and put together a profile and alternates of where people in that area meet.

    If he asks you, though, all my 20 something friends are unanimous in their opinion of Tinder - it's for hookups, not dating. Do some people end up lucking into someone to date and have a long term relationship? Sure, but that's not what most of the users are seeking so it's not surprising it's not happening for him.
  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes Registered User Posts: 33,896 Senior Member
    It absolutely blows my mind that people my age don't use condoms consistently. I've been involved in sex ed for almost a decade and my surprise still hasn't gone away.

    Tinder is primarily for hook ups but I've known several people in tinder relationships, including my sister who met her now husband there.
  • yourmommayourmomma Registered User Posts: 1,222 Senior Member
    Someone I grew up with met is wife on match.com. I'd try a different service.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,362 Senior Member
    I'm going to agree that your job right now isn't about cleaning up his photos or refining his search methods- it's plain old condom sense. How does a kid get to that age and run the risks?
  • bgbg4usbgbg4us Registered User Posts: 1,108 Senior Member
    here's a thread from a few years back, with a link to a story that made me laugh. The mom ran the son's tinder app, and through that the son appealed to a slightly different set of girls.

    Good luck to your son. Just encourage him to have activities/hobbies in his life that he likes to do is my one thought.

  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 5,137 Senior Member
    Does your son's college have an active college alumni group in the area? That's a super way to meet people with at least the same educational background.

    I agree that Tinder is for hookups, not relationships.

    What does he do in his free time? He should look into finding a group activity that matches up with his interests.
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