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The Bad News About Helicopter Parenting: It Works


Replies to: The Bad News About Helicopter Parenting: It Works

  • natty1988natty1988 Registered User Posts: 235 Junior Member
    Why would a parent driving their kid to an audition/interview be helicopter parenting? Maybe the kid needs a ride? I'm not saying you should coddle your kids, but god forbid parents help out...
    Are we talking about a high school kid or a college/older kid?
  • damon30damon30 Registered User Posts: 578 Member
    LOL, It just sounds even pettier when you explain it to me.

    :D B-)
  • ninakatarinaninakatarina Registered User Posts: 1,517 Senior Member
    I guess I'm just mean and petty and a terrible person. I was trying to say that I hoped my kid's independence would help him make a positive impression in a high-stakes interview, but I suppose it only shows that I'm a horrible person who hates people who can afford to travel with their children to distant places.
  • sfSTEMsfSTEM Registered User Posts: 121 Junior Member
    edited February 13
    Thanks @Leigh22 and @natty1988. An area I wonder about is this. I've seen references to parents doing their kids homework. Is that literal? Like, they actually do their kids' homework for them? One thing my wife and I do is help with the kids' homework, including reviewing their answers. If they're wrong, we point it out and let them know how to solve/answer the question. They still have to do it. I'd say my wife and I are our kids' tutors. Do some parents advocate learn-in-school only, let the grades fall where they may? I wouldn't feel comfortable with that.
  • damon30damon30 Registered User Posts: 578 Member
    @ninakatarina FWIW, I think prejudice against, so-called, "HP"s of this thread title means that there is a real chance that your surmise was correct. (Now whether it was fair or not for you to hope for that is probably not for me to second-guess, or "mansplain" any further - I will now keep my mouth shut.)
  • mom2twogirlsmom2twogirls Registered User Posts: 2,074 Senior Member
    @ninakatarina my d19 isn’t familiar enough with big cities and subway systems, so if she had something like that audition, we would take her at this point in her life unless she was going with a friend.

    However, we wouldn’t go into the building. And I will join your petty party with a related example. My d had a scholarship interview over the last weekend. We drove her there (no license yet, ugh) but stayed in the car for the 10 minute interview. We figured she was old enough at 18 to walk into the door of the 2 story building that had a sign on the glass with directions. While waiting in the car we saw a dad and daughter get out of their car and the dad walked his daughter inside the building. I was petty enough to hope it helped my daughter get the scholarship ;) really, the interviewers probably didn’t notice or care. Her actual handling of the interview itself should be all that is needed.
  • natty1988natty1988 Registered User Posts: 235 Junior Member
    edited February 13
    @mom2twogirls and @ninakatarina I think what matters is how well the kids do in the interview. If the parents came into the interview room, that would be a problem. There are a lot of reasons why the parents are or aren't there or why they did or did not drive their kids. If I were the interviewer it doesn't matter to me how the kids got there...
  • natty1988natty1988 Registered User Posts: 235 Junior Member
    @sfSTEM I do think that yes there are instances where parents literally do their kids homework for them...why the parents do that is beyond me. Doing what you're doing and helping is not a problem at all..
  • mom2twogirlsmom2twogirls Registered User Posts: 2,074 Senior Member
    @natty1988 actually, I have friends who have interviewed young people for various things (internships, for example) and they absolutely have noticed and commented negatively on parents arriving at an interview and waiting in the waiting area.
  • natty1988natty1988 Registered User Posts: 235 Junior Member
    Well, guess it varies by person. How old were these kids? If it's in college or after, most parents wouldn't even be there. If we're talking about high school or before, well the parents waiting in the waiting room would not be that unusual. And having parents drive you somewhere is not always a sign of immaturity...
  • MWolfMWolf Registered User Posts: 551 Member
    edited February 13
    Taking a pre-college kid to an out of town audition or interview is NOT a very strong indicator of helicopter parenting, it depends on the age of the kid, the public transportation options, etc. Parents can be giving a ride because that's the only reasonable way to get there, and wait outside during their kid's audition/interview because there is nothing to do around the place. My 17 year old daughter usual takes the train to dance, but one day a week the lesson starts at 8:00 PM, and we'd rather that she not take the train that late (that train isn't always safe at night), so one of us drives her (she doesn't have a driving license). Because she's not yet 18, she cannot take Lyft. There is nothing to do around there, so I'll be sitting there waiting for her, while I work on something.

    However, it's great of your kid can do it on their own, and even better if it is their preference. While I do not think that the action itself factors into the results of an interview or audition, it may give the kid a little boost of self confidence which could help their interview performance.
  • natty1988natty1988 Registered User Posts: 235 Junior Member
    @MWolf very true. There are so many circumstances and factors that we don't know about.

    Honestly, if the kid can get there on their own, great! Nothing wrong with that. If the kid needs a parent to drive them there, great. Nothing wrong with that either!
  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 4,574 Senior Member
    @sfSTEM - I had a friend who routinely did her kids homework in elementary school and would write to the teachers that they were being unreasonable about assigning homework. Her kids struggled tremendously in HS.

    And if my kid was struggling with homework, we would help when she was in elementary school but always told her to talk to the teacher. If there was an error in her homework, she absolutely lived with the grade ramifications. By HS, she sought out her own academic supports. IMO, that has served her well for college where she's not afraid to ask for help, Many students are afraid to go to office hours or supplemental instruction for fear of looking "stupid". DD knows that's the pathway to success.

    As far as driving/accompanying, I let DD take the lead on that. She was young for her grade so not a lot of driving experience until the end of high school. No public transportation where we used to live either. She asked me to drive her to a few interviews that were far from home in unfamiliar locations, and I would either sit in the car or go for a walk. One interviewer specifically asked her to bring her parents and he met with us at the end of his interview with DD (that was odd to me but we followed directions ;) ). If she was going somewhere familiar or near by, she'd take herself.
  • CorinthianCorinthian Registered User Posts: 1,791 Senior Member
    I have an anxiety ridden high school senior who is scared to go anywhere new on her own. I would be thrilled and bursting with pride if she would travel to an unfamiliar place on her own, especially for an interview.
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