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Giving college a 2nd try at age 28

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Replies to: Giving college a 2nd try at age 28

  • damon30damon30 1147 replies5 threads Senior Member
    When he said he was 30, I asked to see his driver's license.

    @MaineLonghorn The difference being that your future husband wasn't pretending to be something he wasn't. The OP, presumably, would be misrepresenting himself in order to rush a fraternity. I think this is the part that's creeping people out a little.
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  • SeekingHopeSeekingHope 19 replies1 threads Junior Member
    edited April 2019
    >To me, this is both sad and borderline creepy.

    I mean having wasted the opportunities that most of the world never gets is sad, which is why I'm trying to repair it.

    Also, the term "creepy" has a connotation for not respecting someone's boundaries. How you got that out of my post is beyond me.

    >No. That is a myth, and you are too old to be believing everything you read on TFM, or the heavily staged pictures you see on Instagram.

    This seems to imply that people recruit others for fake photographs, which I doubt happens with any frequency. Not to mention that I saw all the people having an amazing time around me, especially since I lived by the pool. Just about every person I have talked to absolutely loved college except me. It seems impossible that society all decided to make this up.

    >But it's like the current raisin commercial that asks "remember childhood?" to a background of beautiful sunny days and soft focus happy families: no bullies, no bad teachers, no divorcing parents, no promises that get broken- none of the darker side of childhood. The troubles of the past almost always seem easier than our current troubles.

    Looking back at my childhood I remember a great time and having dreams for the future. Looking back at my 20s (and even saying that phrase hurts) I see an empty, wasted life. All I did was trudge through to get a degree in something I have no passion for, just to say I have one, hoping things would improve. The years went by and they didn't.

    >You would be writing the checks to pay for the adventure, it would be stuff that you paid for that gets wrecked at the frat party, you will remember just how obnoxious drunken 21 year olds can be (and how much energy they have), the sting of rejection by someone you fancy will be just as real.

    Isn't the ridiculousness of that all part of the experience? Plus that last part has nothing at all to do with age.

    >which imo is really unlikely, you would still be nearly 30, with all the experience that you have accumulated. You can't 'unknow' what you have learned in the last decade- it has been part of shaping you into who you are now.

    That's the main problem and a huge part of why I'm considering this, I haven't really accumulated any experience or learned much of anything outside of school. I really haven't done anything meaningful on a personal level in 8 years. It's all a big empty hole full of wasted opportunity. I don't feel like much of a different person than I was when I was 20, just a listless zombie.

    >And- not irrelevantly- colleges still expect you do to homework-and exams still suck. Big time.

    Well yeah, but this time I'm going to major in something I'm passionate about. Everything isn't going to be all fun all the time, to expect otherwise would be ridiculous. Anything worth having takes effort.

    >Know that college is not, for most people, what you imagine it was. Know that there are amazing parts of life still to come.

    I want to believe this is true. Beyond all comprehension I do. But why do most people seem to disagree?

    >- My husband's fraternity has grad chapters for grown men. You don't hang or pledge with the kids and you get the benefit of the brotherhood that you are seeking. Better parties, no foolishness, great career connections.

    I've never heard of this, interesting. But jumping straight into a graduate film degree when I majored in Business seems unlikely.

    >@MaineLonghorn The difference being that your future husband wasn't pretending to be something he wasn't. The OP, presumably, would be misrepresenting himself in order to rush a fraternity. I think this is the part that's creeping people out a little.

    Nowhere did I indicate that I would do that. If they asked my age I would tell the truth.
    edited April 2019
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  • damon30damon30 1147 replies5 threads Senior Member
    Nowhere did I indicate that I would do that. If they asked my age I would tell the truth.

    You are not volunteering your age. This is different from the @MaineLonghorn example. From your OP:
    But of course, my age is the one thing that makes this reboot a bit difficult. The advantage is that I'm constantly told that I look to be about 19-23. Plus how often do you actually ask someone's age in college? It's kind of just assumed that everyone is around the same age.
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  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 10131 replies118 threads Senior Member
    I have to say that I don't think the OP's age is a problem. My lab partner my sophomore year of college was 29. He was in the military first.

    That said, OP, I would explore grad school. I don't see any reason why you couldn't study film after majoring in business.

    It's hard to have a total re-set and I have a feeling that your undergraduate experience probably won't be what you are dreaming of.

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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    I think it is the sssumption that you can just jump into the social and frat scene when you will be 10 years older than most of the students that comes across as a little creepy. Or that you’d even want to.
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  • aunt beaaunt bea 10332 replies71 threads Senior Member
    It's all a big empty hole full of wasted opportunity. I don't feel like much of a different person than I was when I was 20, just a listless zombie.
    What makes you think anything will change?
    Going to a college again to try to recoup that "amazing time of your life", may not give you what you are expecting this time around..
    When my daughters and sons are with their college buddies, they speak another language and could fill each other's sentences. My good friends-for-life were made when I was between 18-20 with other 18 -20 year olds. We lived, ate, dated, interviewed, laundry-duty'ed, applied to grad school together,-turned 21 together. We suffered though a number of relationships together. It really was an AGE thing. There are things that you learn at 18, that you can't go back to relearn because you've already done it by the time you are 28.

    So you are expecting a bunch of 18-20 year olds to entertain you and become your friends for life?

    What makes you think it will be very different this time around?
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  • oldmom4896oldmom4896 4017 replies293 threads Senior Member
    There are no time machines. You can't go back to being 18-19-20-21. And I agree that not volunteering that you are 28 when you are indeed 28 is deception. And creepy!
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  • SeekingHopeSeekingHope 19 replies1 threads Junior Member


    >What makes you think anything will change?
    Going to a college again to try to recoup that "amazing time of your life", may not give you what you are expecting this time around..

    Nothing's for certain. But I can either resign myself to having squandered my shot at life and just keep rotting away, or man up and do what I can make things right. It's a cliche, I know, but "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". I know exactly why and how I threw it away the first time and what pitfalls to avoid. I'm full of flaws, but being a quitter is not one of them.

    Plus if it doesn't work out at least I'd still learn more about my craft than I ever could on my own and get some connections into the film world. I don't know if I'll ever be a filmmaker either, but there's only one way to find out.


    >I think it is the sssumption that you can just jump into the social and frat scene when you will be 10 years older than most of the students that comes across as a little creepy. Or that you’d even want to.

    That's what perplexes me. When I think of someone who's "creepy", I think of a guy who (for example) preys on drunk and/or underage women or touches them without consent. Equating a person like that with me, who merely wants to make a worthwhile life for myself, just seems bizarre.


    >When my daughters and sons are with their college buddies, they speak another language and could fill each other's sentences. My good friends-for-life were made when I was between 18-20 with other 18 -20 year olds. We lived, ate, dated, interviewed, laundry-duty'ed, applied to grad school together,-turned 21 together. We suffered though a number of relationships together. It really was an AGE thing. There are things that you learn at 18, that you can't go back to relearn because you've already done it by the time you are 28.

    It's good that you and your children lived your lives to the fullest, but since I can't go back in time and warn myself to do that it seems like the right thing to do to at least make an effort to fix my life. I owe it to my younger self, my current self and my parents. Imagining my younger self, or my parents back in 1992 with all the hopes and ambitions in the world for my future being able to see how badly I tanked it all just makes it seem wrong to throw in the towel now.

    As I mentioned, since I didn't have an actual young adult experience I can't really ascertain what I'm supposed to know now that I didn't then.


    >So you are expecting a bunch of 18-20 year olds to entertain you and become your friends for life?

    My friends at work range from 21 to 38. We have no problem going to the bar or baseball games together. But having friends for life is better than not having them.


    >There are no time machines. You can't go back to being 18-19-20-21. And I agree that not volunteering that you are 28 when you are indeed 28 is deception. And creepy!

    >You are not volunteering your age. This is different from the @MaineLonghorn example. From your OP:

    What I meant to imply (perhaps not clearly enough) is that I won't stick out like a sore thumb. I don't think random people are necessarily entitled to know every detail about me, but nevertheless I'll honestly answer simple ones such as this when prompted. Going around blurting out my age just seems awkward. None of my coworkers knew my age until they asked me -- not because I was hiding it or anything, just because it didn't come up.
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  • collegemom3717collegemom3717 7895 replies84 threads Senior Member
    You are stuck on the idea that the only way to move forward is to go backward to some idealized version of what you interpreted as everybody else having the time of their lives. I am absolutely sure that if you could get those people that you watched playing in the pool outside your window and ask them now 'wasn't college the best time ever?!' you would get a much bigger range of answers than you imagine. You don't know the private side of their lives- just the public show.
    I owe it to my younger self, my current self and my parents

    Actually, no. The 'self' that matters is your future self.

    You have a subject that you say you are passionate about- what are you actually doing about that? You *can* switch from one subject to another between undergrad and grad (says somebody who did it) - and you do it by getting some experience in the field. So, you go take some classes in film at your local community college and while you are doing that you research masters programs, and apply to them. Bonus: a masters will cost a lot less money than another 4 years of undergrad, and grad school is more fun than undergrad (says somebody who went back twice, first for a masters and later for a PhD. Exams still suck but the classes are more fun and they mostly treat you as a peer).
    Imagining my younger self, or my parents back in 1992 with all the hopes and ambitions in the world for my future being able to see how badly I tanked it all just makes it seem wrong to throw in the towel now.

    Nobody here is saying to throw in the towel. But pretty much every poster has said some variant of 'the past is a foreign country' and you can't go there / change it now. Look forward. Parents watch their kids take all kinds of detours as they find their path in life. I am pretty sure that yours would rather that you take concrete steps to go forward than to say 'do-over!' and go backwards.
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  • agreatstoryagreatstory 116 replies1 threads Junior Member
    @SeekingHope You have some doubts about the viability of your plan, which is why you posted here seeking input. What are your doubts?

    You report making a mess of the last decade, but the reason behind that outcome remains vague.

    What are you currently doing with your adult life?

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  • scholarmescholarme 2674 replies79 threads Senior Member
    Yesterday is dead
    Tomorrow is yet to be born
    Only today exists

    Kill your regrets
    Live now
    Your future self will thank you
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  • scholarmescholarme 2674 replies79 threads Senior Member
    You know, if you are looking for camaraderie, a sense of involvement - consider joining some kind of travel mission,or some other adventure. Heck, try out for a game show or a reality show - Greatest Race, Survivor, whatever. Even if you don't make it through, the process could be fun.
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  • TQfromtheUTQfromtheU 1540 replies17 threads Senior Member
    You can totally go to grad school in a different field. There may be some basic courses you need to take but as advised above, you can make a switch. You just can't go back. You changed. Even if you don't see it.

    I would expect that your life experience since your undergrad years would give you a basis for a film. How does it feel to want to go back and have everyone tell you that you can't? It brings to mind emotions explored in the movie "Falling Down", minus the violence.
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  • coco55coco55 76 replies4 threads Junior Member
    I can't speak from personal experience, but this semester I befriended a 30 year old in one of my classes who had returned to school after serving in the military. He was extremely frustrated and expressed intense dislike for the social scene at college and was eager to graduate and move on to the next phase of life. I think that's the key here and that's what you should be focusing on: moving on to the next phase of your life. Not going back in time and trying to gain experiences that won't be the same as if you had lived them in real-time anyway. I understand you have some regrets, but I think you'd benefit much more from trying a grad program, a study abroad program, or some other type of volunteer/service program where you can travel and make the kinds of friends you're looking for. I guarantee you will not be satisfied being friends with a bunch of 18-22 year old frat boys.

    That being said, it sounds like you've made up your mind to go back to undergrad and have talked yourself out of every point previous posters have brought up, so I wish you good luck on your journey wherever it takes you!
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  • LivvyxoxoLivvyxoxo 92 replies8 threads Junior Member
    I think you should go pursue another degree. I think more and more people are going to college later in their lives. I will be due to health issues making me take longer to graduate high school. I certainly hope I can still make friends if I’m a couple years older. However, I am planning to live in a freshman dorm, and will hopefully have more in common with them even with a slight age difference. I think you should be trying to make friends with people your own age. You most likely won’t fit in with the people fresh out of high school. And I think maybe joining a service fraternity or a group like that would probably be a more welcoming option then the party fraternities. It would be a bit odd for a 28 year old to be partying with significantly younger men and women.
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  • katliamomkatliamom 13973 replies170 threads Senior Member
    edited May 2019
    I knew a guy in his late 20s who tried to live as a young undergrad. It didn't look pretty. (Desperate, a little sad, and yes, creepy.) It fooled no one, eventually not even him.
    edited May 2019
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