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Retirement (of spouse): Fantasy Versus Reality

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Replies to: Retirement (of spouse): Fantasy Versus Reality

  • CaMom13CaMom13 2392 replies15 threads Senior Member
    That sounds pretty great @VeryHappy - I'll need to check out our local Y and see if they have something similar!
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  • Bromfield2Bromfield2 3983 replies38 threads Senior Member
    @Lizardly Your husband sounds like mine although mine is semi-retired. I got used to time to myself, especially after our kids went off to college. H and I get along well most of the time—he loves to cook and I do too. We both read many of the same authors and enjoy the same movies; we also do the NYTimes crossword together most days (Sun. to Thurs). However, H needs to be doing something all the time and he throws himself into garden projects when he's not working. You're right, it's exhausting!

    I definitely have many more friends than H and socialize more than he does. I think H spent so many years working/traveling 24/7 that he didn’t make many friends. His only friends are folks from his work life. He shares MLB season tix with his two lawyers and they bonded over the years as long-suffering Red Sox fans. These guys also have Patriot's tickets so they often invite H to 3 or 4 home games.
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  • HoggirlHoggirl 2136 replies215 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2019
    @whitepicketfence - there is a great retirement thread that deals with finances. Well, it wanders around quite a bit, but the *topic* is finances. You know how we CC-ers are :)

    https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1651226-how-much-do-you-think-you-need-to-retire-and-at-what-age-will-you-and-spouse-retire-p1019.html
    edited June 2019
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  • VeryHappyVeryHappy 19004 replies336 threads Senior Member
    I think H spent so many years working/traveling 24/7 that he didn’t make many friends.

    Sometimes I wonder, though, what is cause and what is effect. Maybe he works so much because he doesn't have many friends.
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  • whitepicketfencewhitepicketfence 125 replies14 threads Junior Member
    Thanks @Hoggirl I have enjoyed that thread as well. Looking at the financial parts of retirement, health care in particular, is my least favorite part of the planning! Looking back, it was the same with college but that worked out!
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  • somemomsomemom 11049 replies335 threads Senior Member
    9/10 he will interrupt with some random question
    Ha! Whenever I shower and DH is home, I would say 9/10 of the time he comes barging through the bathroom, could be sink, toilet, or closet, but whichever, he seems to need to go there when I am showering, even if he has been outside working for hours, he comes in when I am in the shower.

    Our house has a lovely feature of somehow channeling everyone into the great room, it's multi-level, but everything just goes to the great room, including sound from upstairs. For a while my home office was the only room where you could close the door and have a private call, then a family member moved into that room. If I am up super early on a weekend morning, I have been known to call my sister from my car in the garage so I don't disturb the sleepers.

    I think the being alone in your home thing has to do with being observed, not that you are doing anything wrong, but many people seem to prefer not to be observed all the time. I notice a much fuller feeling of relaxation if I am all alone in my home, which rarely happens.
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  • notrichenoughnotrichenough 9388 replies33 threads Senior Member
    Whenever I shower and DH is home, I would say 9/10 of the time ... he comes in when I am in the shower.
    Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

    Hey, we all have our fetishes. :wink:
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  • MarianMarian 13230 replies83 threads Senior Member
    Ha! Whenever I shower and DH is home, I would say 9/10 of the time he comes barging through the bathroom, could be sink, toilet, or closet, but whichever, he seems to need to go there when I am showering, even if he has been outside working for hours, he comes in when I am in the shower.

    My husband somehow finds it necessary to come into the kitchen whenever I'm doing something in there. I find this especially bothersome when I'm making my lunch for work. There have been days when I ended up with no sandwich or no silverware because I was distracted by his conversation.

    Mercifully, we have more than one bathroom.
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  • Lassie3Lassie3 255 replies23 threads Junior Member
    So funny, I thought my husband was the only one that did that ;)
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  • poblob14poblob14 369 replies69 threads Member
    I had a conversation not long ago with my SIL. She said there were three reasons people retire: to spend time with kids/grandkids (she has none), to travel (she does that with her job), and . . . I don't remember what the third one was. Since none of them apply to her, she never intends to retire, unless she has to for health reasons.

    I told her that I don't want to retire for any of those reasons. I want to retire so I won't have to work any more.

    I guess I'm kind of amazed that so many people seem to actually like their jobs. If I could financially retire tomorrow, I would. I would have retired ten years ago. Heck, I would have retired in 1982 when I got my first semi-real job. :smiley:

    Oh, well, six more years, maybe.
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  • HouseChatteHouseChatte 1288 replies2 threads Senior Member
    Ugh, DH used to suffer from I Just Had This Urgent Thought Because My Wife Is In The Bathroom Syndrome but stopped when he realized how disrespectful it felt to me. He wasn't doing anything horrible in objective terms, it's just something I had serious baggage about.

    We'll have to learn a lot of give and take with one another. We both need our quiet, but we also need and love our conversational rabbit holes.

    @poblob14 I've been a SAHM since 1988. Frankly, I didn't want to hold a job. I should have just told people I retired really early.
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  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn 42324 replies2284 threads Super Moderator
    I had only one typical job as a full-time employee, from 1986 until 1990. After that, I did contract work until we started our firm in 1999. I didn't like being an employee very much.
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  • saillakeeriesaillakeerie 2652 replies0 threads Senior Member
    Went on a trip with a tour group last week. 25 people in the group. Several of the couples had one or both retired. I heard a lot of talk of one spouse having to have some type of job/activity to keep him (pretty much all times it was the husband) out of the house to keep from driving wife insane.
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  • doschicosdoschicos 26835 replies269 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2019
    I feel badly for the husbands, then. It's their homes, too, right?

    I've been hearing about many divorces amongst old friends and coworkers in their 50s and 60s lately. I wonder if this contributes to it. Just when people should be reaping the benefits of decades of hard work and savings together, they wind up no longer liking each other enough to remain together and split up (often leading to a weaker financial picture for both).

    I'm curious as to how many people view your spouse as your best friend and if that makes a difference in how you perceive them.
    edited June 2019
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  • HouseChatteHouseChatte 1288 replies2 threads Senior Member
    @doschicos interesting question about friendship with spouse. I sometimes feel very not-friendly-at-all but still consider us allies. We have unreservedly taken up for one another when needed despite feelings of rage or alienation. It probably sounds a lot colder than it feels.
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  • threebeansthreebeans 803 replies39 threads Member
    @doschicos He is my everything - I look so forward to the day we can hang out and do all the things we like to do without work interfering! We have separate interests as well but have always enjoyed each other. As a plus - he is much more extraverted than me so he arranges a lot of the social life with friends.
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  • saillakeeriesaillakeerie 2652 replies0 threads Senior Member
    Guess I don't find it that surprising. My wife is my best friend but I actually spend more time awake with co-workers than I do with her. Going from 8, 10 or 12 hours a day, to full time at home will require an adjustment on both our parts. I am confident we will make the adjustment. But I think its naïve to think there won't be one.
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