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Kids getting into mischief?

ericmodifyericmodify 70 replies9 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
edited July 2009 in Parents Forum
Any parents have experience with their children getting into mischief? I am looking at a DWI and am applying to college this year.

What did yall do?
edited July 2009
40 replies
Post edited by ericmodify on
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Replies to: Kids getting into mischief?

  • owliceowlice 3150 replies75 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    A DWI is not "mischief." Reseeding the front lawn at the high school so "Class of 2009" appears in late summer once the seeds have sprouted is mischief. Rearranging all the desks in a classroom to face the back of the room before the teacher arrives is mischief. Trying to sneak a phrase with a double meaning (one clean, one not so clean) into the morning announcements at school is mischief.

    Driving while intoxicated is a crime, not mischief; it's a hostile act to the society in which you live and is life-threatening behavior, to you and others.

    There are plenty of parents here who have experience in dealing with children who get into mischief, and children who commit crimes, and I'm sure you'll get advice from them. My only advice is not to call a DWI "mischief;" recognize what is really is so you can deal with the behavior which led to this criminal act in the first place.

    Good luck to you.
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  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom 24049 replies804 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    "Driving while intoxicated is a crime, not mischief; it's a hostile act to the society in which you live and is life-threatening behavior, to you and others. ...My only advice is not to call a DWI "mischief;" recognize what is really is so you can deal with the behavior which led to this criminal act in the first place."

    I agree.
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  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 34785 replies1076 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Agree^

    Consider yourself blessed to receive this wakeup call and opportunity to get yourself on the right track.
    College should not be your first concern.
    Being responsible is.
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  • fauvefauve 3500 replies26 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Great advice, wonderfully expressed, Owlice.
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  • ericmodifyericmodify 70 replies9 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Thanks owlice, but, changing the word I used to describe my crime will not change my behavior and the behavior of others...it just doesn't work that way. And I hope you don't think I am taking a nonchalant view of what happened, I'm not.
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  • doamedoame 330 replies3 threadsRegistered User Member
    I do not have personal experience with this, but would suggest you: 1)Talk openly and honestly with your hs college guidance counselor. He/she may have some experience with this. Make an appointment the first week of school. Be mature and sincere in your efforts. 2) If you have a specific college in mind, or several - Call the admissions department(s) and be forthright and mature. Admit your situation and ask what the ramifications will be on your application's consideration - or if they even ask about it. I don't recall seeing a question about legal issues on any application. 3) Make no attempt to hide the charge. It will come out and your integrity will be questioned. 4) Count your blessings that you were caught and charged without hurting anyone. Fulfill your legal obligations and get your life in order to make the most of senior year via good grades, effort and attendance. Good luck.
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  • somemomsomemom 10859 replies324 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Also, be aware it may affect your ability to study abroad. For example an American with a DUI is not generally admitted to Canada and many countries where you would study have similar rules for student visas. We hear all the time about people being turned back at the Canadian border.

    If you plan a trip abroad be sure to check this out waaaay early in the process to save embarrassment and wasted time.
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  • lizzardfirelizzardfire 1550 replies27 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    ericmodify wrote:
    Thanks owlice, but, changing the word I used to describe my crime will not change my behavior and the behavior of others...it just doesn't work that way. And I hope you don't think I am taking a nonchalant view of what happened, I'm not.

    Actually, how you describe your behavior in large part determines the behavior of others. Describing getting a DWI as "mischief" implies that you have certain notions about the severity of such a crime. Ironically, one of the implications is that you view your "mischief" with a certain air of... nonchalance.

    It does indeed sound to me that you don't take your issues seriously; however, on the slim chance that you do, you should be more careful about how you phrase such issues in the future.

    By the way, you might also want to consider the following: When asking for advice, don't reply to the first response with "it just doesn't work that way". If you have such extensive knowledge about the workings of the world, why are you here asking for advice?
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  • MarianMarian 13202 replies83 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    One of the fringe benefits of posting on the Parents Forum is that it gives you a sneak preview of how other adults will respond to both the way you communicate about your situation and the situation itself.

    Your use of the word "mischief" has received a uniformly negative response. This is useful information that you can exploit when you discuss your situation with other adults.
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  • ADadADad 3985 replies936 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    And I hope you don't think I am taking a nonchalant view of what happened, I'm not.

    You are.

    Your DWI is not "what happened", it's what you did and are responsible for and should make amends for.
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  • northeastmomnortheastmom 11939 replies440 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I can't help you with your recovery, or whatever you need to do. I know nothing about this situation and admissions. I did, however, find out about this very recently. You might find something like this helpful:

    Recovery Housing at Rutgers an oasis for students struggling with substance abuse — Rutgers FOCUS
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  • ingerpingerp 821 replies45 threadsRegistered User Member
    I understand the dismay expressed by many of the parents, but I think the OP is (in his/her own way) asking for advice more like that offered by doame. The damage is done. How best to deal with it through the college application process? (BTW--great response, doame.)
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  • saxsax 5272 replies156 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
  • owliceowlice 3150 replies75 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    ingerp, I know what the OP is asking for, but language counts. Describing a DWI as "mischief" is NOT going to be helpful to the OP, not here, not during college admissions.

    OP:
    changing the word I used to describe my crime will not change my behavior and the behavior of others

    Oh, changing the word you use to describe your crime may very well change the behavior of others! My immediate reaction to the use of the word "mischief" to describe your crime was extremely negative. It made me think "this kid is blowing this off, doesn't take this seriously, is excusing his/her behavior. THIS KID COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE/DIED AND DOESN'T CARE."

    My first post reflected that; my behavior (posting to call you on your cavalier description of your behavior) was greatly influenced by your behavior (using the word "mischief" to describe your crime). In fact, I would not have posted on this thread at all had it not been for your use of the work "mischief."

    Language matters.

    To my advice above ("My only advice is not to call a DWI "mischief;" recognize what is really is so you can deal with the behavior which led to this criminal act in the first place."), I add what was implied but was not explicitly stated: Use language that demonstrates that you understand and appreciate the severity of what you did and shows that you take responsibility for your actions.

    And one more: if you will be applying to college this year, that implies you are entering your senior year of high school, which means you are likely not of legal age to drink. You've already demonstrated that you cannot do so responsibly, and you likely can't do so legally, so don't do it at all.

    Good luck to you.
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  • ADadADad 3985 replies936 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    How best to deal with it through the college application process?

    Well, does OP merely want to manage the college applications process as best as possible under the circumstances? Or does OP actually want to improve himself, to be something different?

    If OP wants to be different (as opposed to simply persuading worried colleges to admit him as he is), then I think that OP should volunteer. Involve himself in SADD, for example. Help injured children at a hospital.

    In other words: show remorse, show that he is different, become different.

    As in the college essay, Show, don't tell.
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  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom 24049 replies804 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    "ingerp, I know what the OP is asking for, but language counts. Describing a DWI as "mischief" is NOT going to be helpful to the OP, not here, not during college admissions."

    I agree. Describing a DUI to us or to any other responsible adult who has any control over you --including your college admissions -- is likely to have them conclude that you are not taking seriously the fact that you committed an illegal act that could have caused your or someone else's death. Many people -- including me -- have friends or relatives who were killed due to someone's driving drunk, so your DUI along with your cavalier description of it would be a hot button for many people.

    You asked what parents would do if their kids got into this kind of trouble. To my knowledge, neither of my sons has received a DUI, but a few years ago, I learned that my older son, then about age 21, was driving drunk. My husband and I were so alarmed that we urged him to get some kind of treatment for what at the very least seemed to be substance abuse. We also refused to help him buy a car to replace his one that no longer ran, and we urged other relatives not to help him obtain another car.

    There's a chance that my son -- who was out of school and living independently of us then and now -- lost his license perhaps because of a DUI as he no longer has a car, and he gets around via public transportation in the city where he lives, a place that happens to have excellent public transportation. He claims that he does this because he doesn't like to drive. However, prior to that, he was an avid driver, so I don't know if he is using public transportation by choice.

    I do know, though, that I consider DUI a very serious offense, and would do whatever I could to restrict an offspring from driving who was charged with DUI or whom I caught driving drunk.
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  • sabaraysabaray 7077 replies80 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    To the OP: my son has been in your shoes. He turned 18 the June before his senior year and did something very, very foolish for which he was charged and prosecuted. It was not a DWI but stupid nonetheless. He was not the greatest student to begin with and this didn't help matters much. He does have a problem with alcohol but thankfully (from a legal perspective only, folks) it was not a factor in this incident.

    ADad, I agree that the OP should become different. Alcohol abuse/addiction is a disease. For some people it's just not about having the willpower to just say no. We had a pretty active thread on drinking in college that the OP should read.

    On applications they will ask you to explain the situation, as they will ask you about any charges you're facing or have faced in the past. My son was already involved in activities that were meaningful to him and ramped up his efforts. He also took responsibility for what he had done and noted the stupidity of his actions and what he had learned from the incident.

    He's in college. We're still struggling with the alcoholism. I wish it wasn't a struggle but please, get some help. My biggest fear as a parent is being called to identify my son's body. Don't let that become your parents' fear as well.
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  • dbwesdbwes 1561 replies99 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Listen to sabaray, OP.
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  • nngmmnngmm 5613 replies95 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I don't recall seeing a question about legal issues on any application.
    It is on EVERY application.
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  • ericmodifyericmodify 70 replies9 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    Thanks sabaray. Sorry I did not want to specify on the details of the case, but since this has sparked some controversy I will.

    I blew a 0.00 into the breathalyzer, the reason I am looking at a DWI is because I took adderall earlier in the day for my A.D.D. In Texas, if the policeman 'thinks' you were unfit to drive, then he can file for a DWI. He 'thought' I was unfit to drive because I lost my balance a little bit when I tried to walk in a straight line because I was wearing sandals.

    I was pulled over because I had a tailight out. So, I was looking for advice on what to do and some people have only been too good to oblige, while most everyone else is criticizing my grammer.

    Can I get info on what your kids, or what your friends kids did to get in?
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