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Nerd Jokes


Replies to: Nerd Jokes

  • neha1neha1 Registered User Posts: 1,853 Senior Member
    sorry in case someone doe snto get it and itz too geeky :p

    (entu.......... enthusiastic...... )
    dunno if itz universal or singaporean to say 'entu' for someone enthusiastic...
  • kierkekierke Registered User Posts: 81 Junior Member
    It's not universal
    Anyway, on with the show.

    What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
    Nothing, you can't cross a scalar.
  • ShakinSteveShakinSteve Registered User Posts: 21 New Member
    integral[d(cabin)/cabin] = houseboat
  • jsullivan89jsullivan89 Registered User Posts: 93 Junior Member
    ok so heisenberg was driving in his car when he got pulled over by a policeman. the policeman walks up to the car and asks heisenberg, "do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "no, but i know exactly where i am"

    (heisenberg's uncertainty principle......)
  • Ksingh30Ksingh30 Registered User Posts: 52 Junior Member
    deleted (post deleted)
  • CopterMomCopterMom Registered User Posts: 167 Junior Member
    A man is flying in a hot air ballon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you help me? I was supposed to meet a friend 30 mins. ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below says: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."

    "You must be an engineer." says the balloonist.

    "I am." replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

    The man below says "You must be a manager."

    "I am." replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

    "Well", says the man. "You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow MY fault."
  • niyantha_1988niyantha_1988 Registered User Posts: 215 Junior Member
    Three professors went for a walk and they stopped near a lake. The maths professor said, "I'll find out the volume of water". He jumped into the lake and drowned. The Physics professor said, "I'll find out the density of water". He too jumped into the lake and drowned. The Chemistry professor who noticed all of this said to himself, "Both are soluble in water".

    Equation 1:
    Study = Don't fail

    Equation 2:
    Study = Fail

    Adding equations 1 and 2:

    Study + Dont Study= Fail +Don't Fail

    => Study(1+Dont)= Fail(1 + Dont)

    => Study = Fail
  • m4thn3rdm4thn3rd Registered User Posts: 1 New Member
    there are 10 types of people, those who understand ternary, those who dont, and those who mistake it for binary
    Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive
    Roses are #FF0000 , Violets are #0000FF
    Biologists think they are biochemists,
    Biochemists think they are Physical Chemists,
    Physical Chemists think they are Physicists,
    Physicists think they are Gods,
    And God thinks he is a Mathematician.
    A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

    The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."

    "...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.

    "Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."
    Anyone can let x=2, it takes a mathematician to say let 2=x
    A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The (hungry) mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and his favorite meal, perfectly prepared, is placed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every minute, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the meal." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I'm not going to go through this. You know I'll never reach the food!" And he gets up and storms out.
    The psychologist ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you'll never reach the food?" T he physicist smiles and replies: "Of course! But I'll get close enough for all practical purposes!"
    One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
    The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
    The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
    The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
  • Saxonthebeach6Saxonthebeach6 Registered User Posts: 524 Member
    Nerdy pick-up lines are the best:

    "I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes"
    "Baby, you must be auxin cuz you're giving me rapid stem elongation"
    "Baby, you turn my floopy disk into a hard drive"
    "YouTube Myspace and I'll Google your Yahoo"

    Too many good ones =P
  • jiceo1jiceo1 Registered User Posts: 390 Member
    You people should watch The Big Bang Theory. It's one of my favorite shows right now because of the nerd jokes lol.
  • playswithlegosplayswithlegos Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
    how many TVA engineers does it take to change a light bulb? 500.
    3 to write a B level PER on why the old bulb burned out, 25 to do a root cause analysis, 50 to implement the corrective action plan, 300 to sit in the 30 minute stand down to discuss why light bulbs bulbs burn out, the remaining to do the records management. Then a scaffold crew of 5 to assemble the 70 foot scaffold to access the fixture housing the bulb, and one Union Maintenance Electrician to change the bulb while being observed by a Team of Management. Then and only then, the bulb can be brought to the Environmental Department for proper disposal.
  • mo24mo24 Registered User Posts: 329 Member
    I remember one said by a Comp Sci major to a cute girl (one of 10 girls in our class of 150) in Calc II class last semester:

    Baby, I wish I was your derivative so that I could lie tangent to your curves.

    One I see people wear on t-shirts at my college is the limit joke:
    lim GPA -> 0 of Engineering = Art History
  • 1.fck1.fck Registered User Posts: 11 New Member
    two cats are standing on the roof of a house. which one falls off first?

    ans--> the one with the lower mew (mu)

    it sounds lame but for some reason all those engineering babes love it!
  • pinky175pinky175 Registered User Posts: 1 New Member
    i wish i was sin(x)^2 and you were cos(x)^2 so we could be one
  • lanataylor10lanataylor10 Registered User Posts: 1 New Member
    you know.. math jokes are the first sine of nerdiness.
This discussion has been closed.