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Financial Aid and Morals?


Replies to: Financial Aid and Morals?

  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 34,386 Senior Member
    Is there a reason why your dad is not working? Because if I made decent money and told my spouse they can quit their boring job, it'd be with the assumption they'd look for a more interesting one right away. It's just not right that both you and your dad are expecting your dad's girlfriend to cover for you. She may be tired of it.
    So, strictly speaking, the person who should contribute should be your dad. Talk with him and see if he's willing to get a part time job to help the family out.
    Second, you should probably contribute something - work a job and give part of your earnings to your dad's girlfriend who has paid more for you than either of your parents. Show some gratefulness and buy her a present with your first paycheck. Or/and buy a week's worth of groceries and take them in, put them in the cupboards, and wait for her and your dad's surprise.
    If you work a job and give part of your salary to your dad's girlfriend (perhaps half of your earnings) the rest should go into a savings account. And obviously if you contribute from your wages you can spend your Pell money for books, gas/car repairs or bus pass, supplies, a laptop, your phone plan....
  • SybyllaSybylla Registered User Posts: 2,039 Senior Member
    edited March 11
    Also, an "LVN" being called a DON and also earning 8K a month is certainly impressive. Is that before or after tax?
    Again, I would wonder about other sources of income, that maybe OP isn't aware of. Dad has no job, 24 yr old DD has no job, seems.............unlikely. Do these people do anything in their day?
  • dkinseydkinsey Registered User Posts: 12 New Member
    Also, an "LVN" being called a DON and also earning 8K a month is certainly impressive. Is that before or after tax?
    Again, I would wonder about other sources of income, that maybe OP isn't aware of. Dad has no job, 24 yr old DD has no job, seems.............unlikely. Do these people do anything in their day?

    Nope...that’s all the money we got. My stepsister (it’s been so long that we all refer to each other as stepfamily) is either sleeping, drawing, or playing her favorite video game all night (when she has the online membership of course). My dad cooks and tries to keep the house clean. He also takes the kids to school and picks them up (although I know the public bus system and will probably be reliant on it more often after high school).
  • kelsmomkelsmom Registered User Posts: 14,729 Senior Member
    I think the person you should talk to is your dad. Tell him that you want to make sure you have enough to pay the costs associated with going to school. Ask him if he agrees with his GF that you should be paying some rent to live in her home, and if so, what he feels would be fair. Then ask him to talk with her about this. I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with her asking you to pay something toward the costs of living/eating/showering in her home, but I do think your dad should be brokering this on your behalf with his GF. There is nothing wrong with using your refund to pay rent, since living expenses are part of the student financial aid budget.

    One thing I would suggest you point out to your dad when you talk to him about this is that you will have to pay a lot more money when you go from the CC to a 4-year school. If you are able to save some of your current refund, you will be in a better position to afford your tuition down the road. It may or may not make a difference, but it is worth his consideration.
  • katespearekatespeare Registered User Posts: 91 Junior Member
    I guess I am rather alone here in my thoughts in this matter. Not a lawyer, and my only qualification is that I watch a lot of Judge Judy when I visit my retired parents.

    I think it is rather audacious of the "girlfriend" in this situation to ask money from the son of a person she has allowed to live with her without employment. I also find it rather audacious that neither of the OP's parents is employed, but hey, someone "picked" them and allows them to live with them in that dependent capacity.

    I would make sure you are paying expenses for yourself and "adulting" as much as you can, and be prepared to be asked to move, but I would just make it clear that you are not giving the girlfriend, your mother, or your father, the financial aid money. I say this because the girlfriend feels entitled to a legal stranger's money. If she wants living expenses, she needs to be hitting up the dad. Did anyone pay child support for OP?

    The FA money is for you to pay for your education, so do that. I second a previous poster who suggested that the girlfriend needs an advice columnist to ask why she is supporting able-bodied adults.
  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 34,386 Senior Member
    ^I suggested that OP should use part of his wages from a part-time job to contribute to the household expenses, talk to his dad, and save the Pell grant for educational expenses. (In addition, some money should be placed in savings account in planning for the last 2 years which won't be at a CC.)
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Registered User Posts: 83,001 Senior Member
  • bjkmombjkmom Registered User Posts: 5,613 Senior Member
    My 15 year old daughter, a high school freshman, starts a part time job tomorrow.

    Her 17 year old sister and 19 year old brother have had jobs since the summer after their freshman years.

    Get a job.
  • bjkmombjkmom Registered User Posts: 5,613 Senior Member
    ^^^ sorry, I had to run upstairs and get the troops up for school. I didn't mean to end so abruptly.

    But my point remains. Your dad should be helping to support the household, especially since you mention that a few times a year you're (meaning dad's girlfriend) is unable to pay a bill or two. I suspect your stepdad would be equally happy to see your mom get a job and help support herself.

    In my world, no one gets a free ride without a reason. So, yeah, moms with young kids stay home because they're contributing to the family in other ways. But all three of my teens earn their own spending money, their own gas money, the money for the bulk of their wardrobes. Not because we're hardhearted, but because paying your own way is what adults DO, and they're becoming adults.

    I think it's time that you (and the adults in your family for that matter) start acting like an adult and start supporting yourself. Consider contributing something towards the household-- either money for "rent" or an occasional stop at the supermarket.

    Maybe your parents will learn from your example and start acting like adults too.
  • madgemini4madgemini4 Registered User Posts: 51 Junior Member
    Just my two cents here ... that and $2.22 will get you a medium cup of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts --

    I agree that this young man needs to figure out a plan to cover his living expenses in case he and his dad get kicked off this current gravy train. However, I think some posters are being a bit harsh implying that he's somehow complicit in freeloading off this woman who willingly supports her boyfriend and his son (though I don't doubt it's not without some loud or passive-aggressive grumblings). The OP is a high school senior who didn't ask for this situation. Yes I know that life isn't fair ... "man up, pull yourself up by your bootstraps ..."

    I'd like to tell the OP that I'm really sorry that your parents have put you in a precarious situation where you don't have a stable home life. Your dad has managed to be worth it enough to his GF to agree to feed and shelter him and his son in exchange for companionship and housekeeping. Most kids don't have to worry about paying room and board -- it is a given that they have a home to live in (sure, it's right and reasonable to expect chores and responsibilities, but generally kids aren't "roommates") It sounds like you've been motivitated, applied yourself in school, and have a bright future ahead. This is your ticket to a self-sufficient and independent life.

    To answer your original question, you've gotten some good advice here. Sure, it would probably be nice to kick in for room/board despite the fact that none of the other household members are doing so. My recommendation would be to make sure your school-related expenses are covered (and that includes transportation and meals) before giving anything to dad's GF. What do you currently do for spending money? Definitely get a job and save money.

    I wish you all the best!
  • rgosulargosula Registered User Posts: 629 Member
    edited March 12
    Lets say the situation was reversed. If a mom was cooking, cleaning and taking the kids to school, nobody would be so vehemently telling her to get a job.
  • blossomblossom Registered User Posts: 8,484 Senior Member
    Rgosula, I would be. If a mom were living in the BF's apartment, expecting the kids financial aid to get diverted towards running the household, I'd sure be encouraging said mom to find a job. Any job. Both because of the clear financial benefits and ability to contribute to running the household so the kid's financial aid could be put to its intended use, AND because it sets a tone and expectation for the entire blended/extended family.
  • bjkmombjkmom Registered User Posts: 5,613 Senior Member
    Nope, all that would change in my post would be the pronouns.
  • thumper1thumper1 Registered User Posts: 66,721 Senior Member
    It is very possible that the dad and GF are VERY aware of the financial aid situation...and dad is not working SO this kid will be eligible for the Pell Grant, and any state aid for low income students. The timing is about right in terms of planning ahead.

    I’m not a fan of this at all...but it’s possible.
  • oboemom65oboemom65 Registered User Posts: 134 Junior Member
    @thumper1 you could be correct. There's a student at my D18's school whose mother hasn't married her bf for this exact reason. Now the mother works, but she doesn't make much, so her D will qualify for some pretty good FA.
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