I decided to take a gap year after graduating from high school in may 2020 and committing to a school for financial reasons that I've gradually realized is a very, very bad fit for me (tiny student body, restrictive core program, not many internships/outside opportunities, affluent and about 80% white).
Last fall I applied early decision to Barnard and poured my heart and soul into the application, did an in person interview despite living out of state, and was interviewed by them for a selective low income-high achieving access program... but then I was deferred. Because of a health issue that developed about the same time in January I didn't even send in a letter of continued interest and they rejected me, which I expected.
I've decided to reapply to colleges this year after deferring enrollment to the one I committed too and I really want to apply to Barnard again. My sat is on track to be 1500-1530 (200 points higher than last year's) and I show up as a completely different person on paper. My activities now are a zine I started, an intensive political journalism internship at a startup, art (which I sell at an online shop), volunteering with voter mobilization in rural areas, and art comissions which I donate the proceeds from to BLM. For comparison last year my activities were sports, speech and debate, and a job. I also have some hooks as a Black girl, first gen American, and a 30,000 family income.
So while I have that going for me I also still have a mediocre high school academic record (I was chronically ill throughout high school and was in and out of hospitals) and the fact that they have rejected me before because I completley blew off the deferral.
Barnard is still my dream school, and I'm willing to pour my heart into the application again and cough up $75, but am I deluding myself? Is it worth it?