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Overly Competitive and Jealous Friends?

halcyondawnhalcyondawn Registered User Posts: 11 New Member
edited April 2013 in High School Life
I'm a junior and I go to a good public school that sends upwards of 5 kids to Ivies each year. Recently, I've noticed increasingly wary behavior among my friends and it's been really hurting me, especially because it's over things like teacher recommendations for college or applications for summer programs. Really, how big of a deal will this be in the grand scheme of things? Anyways, they've been really secretive and intensely competitive lately, applying for leadership positions when they don't care about the organization, etc. I feel like I'm being targeted from all sides!

I would gladly drop my GPA down a notch or lose 100 points on the SAT to get my old friendships back, but what's really depressing is that I'm almost being treated as an enemy. :( I dislike gloating and try to show empathy towards people, but I feel like something isn't falling into place. Have any of you felt this way before? I don't think healthy competition is supposed to be this cutthroat...
Post edited by halcyondawn on

Replies to: Overly Competitive and Jealous Friends?

  • lilly123456lilly123456 Registered User Posts: 17 New Member
    I can definitely relate to this situation. My high school is extremely competitive, to the point where even my closest friends refused to tell me where they applied to college (and they didn't even tell me after they had made a final decision). Once you get past the whole application process, all the secretive behavior should go down a lot. If people continue to act like this beyond that point, it is unjustified and (I know it sounds cheesy) they are probably not your real friends nor are they worth your time. In the end, this won't really matter. You'll all get in to the schools you get in to and people move on with their lives. Just bear with it for a little while. If the pressure really gets to be too much, I would suggest talking to your counselor or your parents. Just try not to let it get to you. College app season is stressful enough - don't waste your time worrying about people who are unnecessarily competitive. :) Good luck! :D
  • preamble1776preamble1776 Registered User Posts: 4,731 Senior Member
    Once I entered Junior year, I became a lot less keen on sharing my accomplishments with others, because the competition got intense. Amongst the group of people I talk to (which are around the top 5%) - things have become cut throat. I don't share my GPA, SAT scores, teacher recs - nothing. I have no interest in people resenting me or in people condescending to me because of their perceived inferiority or superiority. Stay ambiguous.
  • cheerioswithmilkcheerioswithmilk Registered User Posts: 948 Member
    I don't think you should delve into secrecy and being deceptive. If anything, do your own thing and be honest.

    I go to a big public school with 800 per class. Not sure how similar my situation is to yours, but the top 4 students in my class are all friends. Interestingly, we aren't trying to beat each other to pulp or have an edge over the next guy. I think that if your friends are treating you like enemies over something like class rank and college, then you should re-evaluate whether they're friends worth keeping.
  • briannanlcbriannanlc Registered User Posts: 40 Junior Member
    I agree with cheerioswithmilk. In the end of the day, healthy competition and encouragement are the things that help in times of stress, not cutthroat mentalities and secrecy. Just do what you do. If they don't ask your test scores or whatever, don't tell them. If they don't tell you, don't pry. I'm very sorry that you're in that kind of environment. Maybe you should do something to show you're not "the enemy" sometime soon, like hold a "Thank God We Don't Have to Deal with College Crap Anymore" party. If they're still that unpleasant even when the initial stress has died down, maybe you should re-evaluate who you hang out with. At my school, the tip 5-10 percent are pretty buddy-buddy, and we were all pretty excited to tell each other where we were going and the like. Try to encourage your friends to see this as something exciting that you want to share with them because friends are supposed to be supportive and happy for each other instead of something that needs to be needlessly cutthroat and stressful.
  • OrchidBloomOrchidBloom Registered User Posts: 910 Member
    This actually sounds a lot like what started going on in my grade last September (I'm a sophomore). Everyone keeps quiet about their accomplishments/grades/test scores/ECs ("keep quiet" as in just lying about it if you ask). And we get A LOT of the whole people applying for positions they don't want. Like last year, this kid got a leadership position in the Debating Club that a lot of others applied for, so I went to congratulate him. He then shrugged and told me that he actually hates debating, and just applied to "put it on his resume".

    Anyway. Maybe try and talk to your friends? Sure, college application time is coming up, and there might be a lot of competition, but not every second of the day should be about college apps. Maybe you guys could agree to not talk about anything that has to do with them until they're done? If things don't get better, honestly, find new friends.
  • halcyondawnhalcyondawn Registered User Posts: 11 New Member
    Wow! Thanks everyone for such encouraging replies. I think it actually comes down to everybody's feelings of insecurity, including me. We were all so tight as freshmen, and then it just got worse and worse because people were freaking out about the things they saw on this website (the irony) and grabbing the 'limited resources' of extracurriculars. I talked to some people today and we still laugh at inside jokes and things like that, but there's a space between me and certain other people now. Oh well, I do have several super close friends I always go to (who seem dangerously on the verge of this type of behavior) but I'm really hoping things get better over the summer.
This discussion has been closed.