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What is wrong with my thesis statement? (AP WORLD)

Pho98Pho98 Registered User Posts: 99 Junior Member
I am currently taking AP world history. On a quiz, I was asked to write a thesis statement on the following question.

What changes led to the industrial revolution in Britain?

My thesis statement was:

The industrial revolution in Britain was caused by changes in population, production methods, and business organization throughout the country.

My teacher says that this thesis statement is wrong and I got marked off for it.

Am I missing something in this thesis statement? How is this wrong?

Replies to: What is wrong with my thesis statement? (AP WORLD)

  • louie412louie412 Registered User Posts: 180 Junior Member
    I know this is homework help, but to be honest:
    It's very basic. Yes, sure, maybe that's true, but it's kinda boring.
    Try to be more creative. Our 'thesis statements' tend to be thesis paragraphs XD
  • halcyonheatherhalcyonheather Registered User Posts: 8,987 Senior Member
    I don't know anything about AP World and I guess there's a formula you have to follow for these, but it seems pretty vague, what with the "changes." I mean, everything is caused by changes. The best thing to do is ask your teacher.
  • lightofthemoonlightofthemoon Registered User Posts: 5 New Member
    It's too vague. Say the population increased, not just the population changed. Also, don't you normally need the time period?
This discussion has been closed.