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My parents are mad that I'm taking so many AP courses?

rosebud30rosebud30 Registered User Posts: 93 Junior Member
edited August 2014 in High School Life
This may be a little bit long winded, and I apologize, but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate any and all responses. I just feel really alone right now, and I'm not quite sure what to do.

Anyway, I'm a junior in HS, and I'm taking 4 AP classes, which is a lot, but I don't think it's unreasonable. Some of the colleges that look attractive to me are incredibly competitive, so I want to push myself. From even my sophomore year, my parents have been very against me taking lots of AP courses. I took APUSH that year, which was a crazy amount of work, and when the AP test neared, I got really stressed. I was cranky. My parents pretty much pushed me into taking the Subject test, which was the Saturday before my exam, so that made it even worse. I got a 5 on the exam and a 750 on the Subject test, so I was happy with the results and deemed the level of stress that I was encountering worth it. My parents, on the other hand, did not. When they heard that I was taking 4 AP classes (as opposed to 2 and a couple of art classes), they flipped. They told me that it was a mistake, and that I would pretty much hate my life junior year. They also said that they would not tolerate ANY bitchiness from me.
I feel like this has just made them more sensitive to me being cranky. If I'm like, PMS-level cranky, they'll just flip out on me completely. The first day of school, I had 3.5 hours of homework, and I mentioned it to my mom, not complaining, and she told me that it was all my fault and that she had no sympathy for me whatsoever.
And just last night, we got into a pretty big argument over how much time I'm spending doing homework (she's mad that I'm being "anti-social". I have 6+ hours of HW) and she was pissed at me, so she went over to my sister's (who's a freshmen) room (it was like 10 at night) and started screaming at her and telling her pretty much why she's better than me. She said some horribly cruel stuff, like how everyone at school must resent me, because I only have 1 close friend (which I'm really horribly self-conscious about, but I'm just really shy), and how everyone in college is going to hate me and I'll have no friends. (Which I'm really worried about). Now my sister is ignoring me and my mom won't talk to me without just saying something awful. My self-esteem is in the pits, and I'm plagued by self doubt. Hearing these things just destroyed me all over again, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what to do. It's hard to do homework when you are up all night just sobbing in self-loath. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
Post edited by MaineLonghorn on
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Replies to: My parents are mad that I'm taking so many AP courses?

  • tacoperson123tacoperson123 Registered User Posts: 604 Member
    That's verbal child abuse, which is an actual thing. You are still considered a child because you're under 18. That's not healthy, and it can become a problem. If you're feeling stressed please talk to a counselor.
  • WasatchWriterWasatchWriter Registered User Posts: 2,528 Senior Member
    If your only discussions about all this occur when tempers flare up, then nothing will ever get resolved.

    I suggest making an appointment to sit down with both parents at a time that is mutually convenient. Show up calm and collected and stay that way. Explain your concerns. Make it clear that you believe that you are doing what is best for your future. Ask your parents to be understanding and support you at times when you are stressed. Stick to the major issues; a complete laundry list of complaints could make you seem childish, and this whole thing depends on you positioning yourself as a soon-to-be adult.

    Then give them a time to explain their concerns. Listen attentively. Agree to make a few reasonable compromises (as long as they don't affect your education). If any of their concerns are unreasonable or none of their business, explain why.
  • Co1tonCo1ton Registered User Posts: 72 Junior Member
    Agreed
  • scholarmescholarme Registered User Posts: 2,671 Senior Member
    (((Hugs))) to the OP. I don't know what to say except that I'm praying for you.
  • rosebud30rosebud30 Registered User Posts: 93 Junior Member
    @scholarme‌ My mom is currently running around the house screaming at everyone because I wanted to do my homework and not talk with her. I'll need it.
  • scholarmescholarme Registered User Posts: 2,671 Senior Member
    Maybe at some point this weekend when she's calm and not tired try to have a heart to heart with her? ((Hugs)) again
  • bvo112bvo112 Registered User Posts: 298 Junior Member
    I hope things get better for you OP. You don't deserve this harshness from anyone, especially when you are trying to do well in school.
  • solostishsolostish Registered User Posts: 311 Member
    Talk to your school's counselor. Tell her that you want to stay in your classes, and that that's not the problem; or they might remove you.
  • maymay5678maymay5678 Registered User Posts: 215 Junior Member
    I definitely think that your mom did not handle this the right way, there was no need for her to say those hurtful things to you that she knew would hurt you. I had a similar problem to this last year when I was signing up for my classes for this year. My parents didn't want me taking the number of APs I'm taking, but I did. I think the first thing you need to do is get both your parents together and explain your concerns. Then give them a chance to explain ALL of their concerns before you tell them how you can work together to solve them. I obviously don't know the whole story, but I do think your parents have a valid reason to be concerned. If you had that must stress for one AP (and one of the easier ones at that) then they have a good reason to be concerned. Your mom of course shouldn't have said those things, but it does seem like you are spending more time doing homework then anything else. You have to have balance to have a healthy life, it seems like you're ditching family time and time for other activities for homework. If you're looking at highly competitive schools good grades in hard classes isn't all they want, you need to have stellar extracurriculars as well.
  • guineagirl96guineagirl96 Forum Champion Math/Computer Science, Forum Champion Richmond Posts: 3,856 Forum Champion
    @maymay5678‌ APUSH is not one of the easier APs. It gave me and many others absolute hell as a junior.

    OP, stay strong, your mother is being very selfish and needs help. I suggest you see if you can get her to sit down with your school counselor and see if they can talk some sense into her. Not a single thing she has said is true. Many students spend that much time on homework, regardless of how many APs they take. She should be proud of you for putting your school work first.
  • maymay5678maymay5678 Registered User Posts: 215 Junior Member
    @guineagirl96 I didn't necessarily mean one of the easiest APs, but I looked at the OPs other posts and compared with the APs she is taking this year APUSH is on the easier side
  • guineagirl96guineagirl96 Forum Champion Math/Computer Science, Forum Champion Richmond Posts: 3,856 Forum Champion
    edited August 2014
    @maymay5678‌ i'd actually say that the APs this year for her are easier for the most part. AP Psych and AP econ are definitely easier. AP world should be similar or easier level. AP english depends but may be harder. Although together, its quite a workload.
  • nickchan1nickchan1 Registered User Posts: 94 Junior Member
    edited August 2014
    The immediate explanation for this is pretty simple, but the solution is more difficult: she's probably just jealous that you're a high achiever and she ended up an emotionally unstable, insecure house wife. I'm sorry to talk about your mother this way, but (if the information you presented is 100% true), you need to recognize this simple fact and live with it.

    This situation is typical for adolescents. There's a point in life where you realize that your parents' word isn't law, and it's really hard coping with the fact that they've got problems too. I know you expect your mother to be perfect and such, but you can't forget that she's also a human being and is subject to a full range of emotions. On the flip side, your mother is probably having a really hard time coping with the fact that you're becoming a competent adult, and she might try to downplay it or make you feel bad about it in order to discourage you and maintain her superiority. It may seem evil, but just remember she's not doing it because she hates you; she's just having a hard time adjusting.

    So what's the solution? Like I said, you're the adult now, and you should start acting like it. If you believe the values you have about education and hard work are truly better than hers, you just need to show her by being really successful in the future. No matter how much you want to, you should never explode on her and tell her that she's wrong, because you just can't change what she thinks. You already know that she's wrong, so you just need to show her in the most loving way possible -- by being successful. And trust me, by that time you won't even want to say "I told you so."

    I faced the same problems when I was a junior in HS (just a year ago), when my dad gave me basically no acknowledgement for getting the 3rd best GPA in the class and the 3rd best ACT score (out of 400), but it's a shame that I didn't know how to deal with it (we fought a lot). He was a C student in HS who slipped by in college and my mother never worked, so I just didn't realize that he didn't understand the lifestyle of somebody who is really invested in what he does. For instance, he never cared about school or work, so he didn't understand the kind of emotional support somebody who actually cares needs. But my point is basically don't fight with her about it because you'll only feel bad about yourself in the long run, just know that you're making good decisions by trying to get into good private schools. And above all, never be discouraged
  • AtharvaLarvaAtharvaLarva Registered User Posts: 172 Junior Member
    ^nick summed it up quite well,

    That's quite surprising. I don't understand why any parent would get angry at her child for challenging herself and working hard. It's most likely just an act of jealously, and she wants to find any "flaw" that she can to make herself feel better, whether or not it exists.

    Internet Hug?

    Well, hope things get better rosebud :)
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