This may be a little bit long winded, and I apologize, but I cannot tell you how much I appreciate any and all responses. I just feel really alone right now, and I'm not quite sure what to do.
Anyway, I'm a junior in HS, and I'm taking 4 AP classes, which is a lot, but I don't think it's unreasonable. Some of the colleges that look attractive to me are incredibly competitive, so I want to push myself. From even my sophomore year, my parents have been very against me taking lots of AP courses. I took APUSH that year, which was a crazy amount of work, and when the AP test neared, I got really stressed. I was cranky. My parents pretty much pushed me into taking the Subject test, which was the Saturday before my exam, so that made it even worse. I got a 5 on the exam and a 750 on the Subject test, so I was happy with the results and deemed the level of stress that I was encountering worth it. My parents, on the other hand, did not. When they heard that I was taking 4 AP classes (as opposed to 2 and a couple of art classes), they flipped. They told me that it was a mistake, and that I would pretty much hate my life junior year. They also said that they would not tolerate ANY bitchiness from me.
I feel like this has just made them more sensitive to me being cranky. If I'm like, PMS-level cranky, they'll just flip out on me completely. The first day of school, I had 3.5 hours of homework, and I mentioned it to my mom, not complaining, and she told me that it was all my fault and that she had no sympathy for me whatsoever.
And just last night, we got into a pretty big argument over how much time I'm spending doing homework (she's mad that I'm being "anti-social". I have 6+ hours of HW) and she was pissed at me, so she went over to my sister's (who's a freshmen) room (it was like 10 at night) and started screaming at her and telling her pretty much why she's better than me. She said some horribly cruel stuff, like how everyone at school must resent me, because I only have 1 close friend (which I'm really horribly self-conscious about, but I'm just really shy), and how everyone in college is going to hate me and I'll have no friends. (Which I'm really worried about). Now my sister is ignoring me and my mom won't talk to me without just saying something awful. My self-esteem is in the pits, and I'm plagued by self doubt. Hearing these things just destroyed me all over again, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I just don't know what to do. It's hard to do homework when you are up all night just sobbing in self-loath. I don't know what to do. Please help me.