I've only been an official member on this website for a few weeks. I found myself spending a LOT of time on chance me threads, and other stuff like that.
Before beginning this website, I was reasomably proud of my extracurriculars (involvement and leadership in debate and involvement, school/community theater all through high school, some minor awards for debate and a lead role in a play, a leadership position in a club that is active and that I care about, creative writing, a selective summer program or two, staff writer for an online publication, etc). Now, I've noticed 2 things happening:
1) I feel inadequate because I've never won anything on the state level, raised hundreds of dollars, spent 20 hours a week on extracurriculars...the list goes on. I feel inadequate because I don't know why I'm "pointed" or "unique" or "special," even though I like to think I am a genuine person and a good conversationalist, a strong writer, someone who loves to learn, etc.
2) I have began to quantify my accomplishments based on what will look good for college as opposed to what I love. (OBVIOUSLY I know that it's only what you love that "looks good," and that was very much the philosophy I was following before starting on this website. But since starting, I always think "does that extracurricular fit in with my 'narrative?' Does it show passion?" Instead of actually spending time on being passionate.
Maybe it's just my insecure personality that's leading me to these issues? Or is it the toxic nature of competitive personalities all in one place? (I think most people who frequent this site are lovely and not at all toxic as people. But other high achievers can be very stressful to be around when one is a high achiever oneself. :))
Does anyone else feel this way? I'd love any of your thoughts or ideas. I'm also writing a satire/humor play about the college admissions rat race with a friend, so if anyone wants to share stories about competitiveness or rat behavior in your school, I'd love that, too.