I'm currently a sophomore in high school. Previously, I was one of the top students. I'd take AP/Honor classes with no problem. I really enjoyed learning, and although I still somewhat do, being "forced" to learn vocabulary words and electric configuration (or "you'll get bad grades, not go to college, and become jobless!!") is becoming bothersome. Thing is, however, I'm not becoming depressed because of my grades; my grades are low because of my depression.
I'm not using this as an excuse. I've been having depression, but it was never this bad. I've been suicidal for a couple months now, like really bad - to the point where I'd ponder about it everyday. I stopped doing schoolwork and became less motivated because of the mindset that I won't be here anymore after high school.
The only thing that interests me is music, but we all know that I can't get into college with just my cello.I really want to get better, but it's so freaking hard. I'm trying to force myself to do my homework, but it seems to end badly. I *really* want to go to college, study music theory and possibly child development, and teach elementary/middle/high school students how to play instruments and/or conduct. Music's the only thing keeping me together, and introducing that to other kids could be lifesaving as it did with me.
For now, I have B+'s, a couple A's, and a D+ (and I used to have straight A's, well, except for math. I got a D+ and it just went downhill from there). I don't know what to do. I know I need to get help, and my mom is setting me up with a counselor/therapist. In fact, I've scheduled an appointment with my school counselor, but she's been in a car accident and hasn't showed for weeks. Does anyone have any advice??