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Help! My 16 y/o Aspie has given up!

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Replies to: Help! My 16 y/o Aspie has given up!

  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,188 Senior Member
    So an update. Both boys bickering thru break. S1 leaves tomorrow. S2 spent a ton of time catching up on missing homework from this quarter! Ugh. His dad is perstering me to sign him up for SAT prep. I'm more concerned about the now, but I suppose I don't want to harm him next year if he is ready...

    Fingers crossed for 2017. Everyone travelling less. Let's hope it helps!
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 2,114 Senior Member
    Well you never know. He might be ready. What SAT prep do you think he may like?
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,188 Senior Member
    We are sending him to a normal in person 6 week. We'll see. He made a 1300 on the PSAT with no prep, so hopefully he will be fine.
  • CenterCenter Registered User Posts: 1,456 Senior Member
    @Dustyfeathers thanks for this I will look into it. Happy new year.
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,188 Senior Member
    Query: his English Language Arts AP has a lot of "reflective" writing in literature. (This is not Lit AP). His brother said his ELA had no reading/reflective writing, just writing assignments. Different teacher.

    He is struggling terribly with "how did it feel", "what would you say to the character", etc bc those things cannot literally be answered.

    Is it fair to ask for alternative assignments? The writing assignments/papers he does fine. But these reflection "homework" assignments are so painful for us all. They are worth about 10% of each paper, so he is losing points like crazy.

    This is a painful year. He wrote on his wrist "you are nothing". It's there all the time. So sad. And this kid is so talented at creative writing. It is a shame.
  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 31,520 Senior Member
    I believe that the 'I feel ' assignments are indeed worthy of accommodations for an Aspie kid. Could easily be replaced with 'analyze '.
  • yankeeinGAyankeeinGA Registered User Posts: 224 Junior Member
    Any teacher worth their salt should be customizing these assignments for a kid who has accommodations in place. Call an IEP meeting (assuming he has an IEP) to discuss.

    Also have a conversation with your kid about the power of positive affirmation over perseverating on the "bad" thoughts. Writing "you are nothing" on himself is giving all the power to the negativity. Ask him to replace it with "you are enough" for a week even if he thinks it's dumb, just to prove your point that it may help reroute those thought patterns.

    Hugs to you, @HRSMom. There is nothing worse than when our kids feel so defeated and we can't fix it. :(
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,188 Senior Member
    @yankeeinGA good idea. Thanks.
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 2,114 Senior Member
    Yes, if necessary, for his self-esteem, you may want to let him drop the AP or honors classes. I know that he's smart but the trade offs can be serious. I speak from experience. There are plenty of colleges out there that do not care one bit if he has an AP or Honors level class. So many would have him in a snap without those classes.

    The trade off from my experience is often between making sure that the assignments are intellectual up to his level vs. making sure that he is staying healthy and strong inside. From experience (the "if I had a chance to do it over again") I would choose the lower-level classes and assignments in a heartbeat. It's worth remembering that this is "only" high school. He just has to get through somehow. Or drop out. Either way. Once he's through then the world gets more tailored to his abilities.

    Take the lower scores if you need to. As long as he stays feeling okay about himself. Nothing else matters. Don't make him take the AP test. Unless he's dying to do so.

    You do *not* want to go through the period of rebuilding self-esteem that we are going through. You do *not* want to do that. It's the pits. Really bad.

    Priorities IMHO: 1) self-esteem; 2) getting through HS somehow or drop out and get GED; 3) there is no 3 because grades really don't matter. No matter how terrible his score, there is a college out there that will accept him and will treat him well.
  • TempeMomTempeMom Registered User Posts: 2,742 Senior Member
    My best friend has a freshman aspie. He struggles with the humanities classes. They are "dumb/useless." She has tied course success to his being able to play drums in the band which he loves. Seems to be working.
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,188 Senior Member
    Update: now he is just not turning HW in. It's done, but he won't. I emailed it all to his case manager today.

    Also going to set up the psychiatrist. It may be teen angst with an aspie twist, but I'm worried about his mood swings.
  • SouthFloridaMom9SouthFloridaMom9 Registered User Posts: 3,290 Senior Member
    Keeping you in my thoughts @HRSMom!
  • Waiting2exhaleWaiting2exhale Registered User Posts: 2,465 Senior Member
    @HRSMom, I, too, am holding thoughts of you and your son near.
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 2,114 Senior Member
    @HRSMom I'm feeling every bump with you.

    We went through the same thing. Not doing work. Then doing work and not turning it in. Self-critical. Etc.

    Hugs to you. Love and love and when in doubt more love is what it takes. Hugs to you and forgiving everything that comes along. Like getting through a blizzard with the wind and snow stinging your face. Head down and keep moving forward. You will find respite soon.
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