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Help! My 16 y/o Aspie has given up!

HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,632 Senior Member
My S2 is a junior. He has been on IEP since Grade 2. He was outplaced for 4 years in elementary school. Great success in transitions back. HS transition ok.

Junior year hit a wall. Will not complete assignments, gets zeros, which are acceptable to him. He has already downgraded most of his classes and it has not helped.

I'm pulling my hair out. It's not the work he doesn't "get", he just won't do it.

The only 2 differences this year, s1 went away to college and I travel more for work.

Anyone face this or see it handled before?

Thanks for any help!

Replies to: Help! My 16 y/o Aspie has given up!

  • CenterCenter Registered User Posts: 2,240 Senior Member
    I feel for you. I have not experienced this but I do have a son if the same age with elements of aspergers . Any ideas what changed?
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,632 Senior Member
    I'm just grasping for answers, but assume hormones, brother gone, trying to be a 16 YO w/friends and not quite being sure how? Junior years is also very hard my older S says @Center .
  • SouthFloridaMom9SouthFloridaMom9 Registered User Posts: 3,446 Senior Member
    edited December 2016
    Is he hyper logical? Maybe he subconsciously wonders why do all that work for no tangible "reward"? His brother is gone (nobody to keep up with there) and you are traveling more so not around as much to push and pull him along.

    He can't see the long-term consequences unfortunately.

    ETA: Sorry that you guys are going through this!
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,632 Senior Member
    "Some teachers get him, others don't and are frustrated"...

    Absolutely. As one school employee once said, "if you don't get S2, you just don't get S2". Profound.

    Thanks all for your thoughts. Every time I think I have him back on track or figured out, he goes and changes it up! ;)

    I told him last night, "I love you more than anything bud. You gotta get your sh** together tho!"

    Yes he doesn't see the point. I'd take him out and homeschool, but he would hate not seeing his friends. I should speak to his guidance counselor. Maybe he could home school most subject but do PE, video, etc at school and do track. Is that even an option?
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 3,076 Senior Member
    I don't know but it sounds like you have a supportive school that may be willing to figure out a flexible program for him. That plus your creative spirit will carry the day.

    I'm going to bookmark this thread so that I can follow your progress. sending you hearts and hugs.

    He will be okay. You will also be okay.

    Hearts and hugs.
  • SouthFloridaMom9SouthFloridaMom9 Registered User Posts: 3,446 Senior Member
    Wow, your kid sounds so much like my kid @Dustyfeathers. And that is what we did - homeschooled for a *long* time. I was extremely blessed and lucky to be able to do it, and that my H supported me doing it. It nearly put me in the looney bin at times but I'm still here to tell the tale. :) And looking back I would not have changed it.

    Traditional school is absolute torture for some kids.

    We, too, had teachers who 'got' DS and others where there was a major clash.

    Empathizing with you OP! Could he finish high school in virtual school? Or get a GED and go do something practical somewhere? What is your gut instinct for what he needs?
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 3,076 Senior Member
    @SouthFloridaMom9 I'm almost in tears reading this! It's been a lonely journey and I'm so happy to know that you're out there and lived to tell the tale! ((hug))

    That's a great idea, BTW the virtual school!

    We have a friend whose child did the Stanford U school online for HS students. I completely forgot about that. OP should look into this. The school is cool because you do it at home but the student is online at the same time as others. It works like a classroom (at least some p;arts of it) and your child can raise his hand and everything. If your child has some tics that are not fun for teachers, this system can help him feel at ease in the classroom setting. (this was the sitch for my friend; lovely young boy had some tics that we were perfectly okay with but that didn't work out well in virtually any school).
  • yankeeinGAyankeeinGA Registered User Posts: 228 Junior Member
    This may sound elementary and/or redundant, but what does HE have to say about what's going on? I'm all for finding the schooling solution that works (I'm one of those never-thought-I'd-homeschool people who did, because for a while, that's what my Aspie needed), but it's possible that you're applying a neurotypical POV to the situation and misinterpreting what's going on. Is the work too hard? Is he missing his brother? Is he angry/annoyed with his teachers? There's too many variables here to know a solution, yet.

    If he doesn't already have a therapist, I'd recommend you look into finding him someone who specializes in adolescents with ASD to help you navigate this tricky time. Sometimes the same question from a supportive third party works a lot better than when it comes from a parent. Good luck!!
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,632 Senior Member
    He won't talk about it, unfortunately. The school therapist is trying too. He has never been one for talk therapy. He just says nothing.


    -He likes this girl and is not sure how she feels.
    -He is not sure how to initiate with friends, tho he has them.
    -He has math tutor, and he has ratcheted down to the lower class levels of most classes.
    -Maybe he misses some assignment and then figures, well I might as well do none?
    -Too distracted by internet.
    -panic/fear of what is to come (if he does well, college...)
    -he thinks if you can't do it well, you should not do anything (assignment wise).

    He's a funny and popular kid. So he copes socially, but also possible doing that is exhausting his mind each day?

  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 3,076 Senior Member
    Well . . . . although we never said that we asked what HE thinks, i hope that it was implied all along. At least in my case, and I believe from the kind words of others in this profile, that the child was part of the discussion every inch of the way.

    It's hard, though, to know whether my child at least knew what he was agreeing to. In the end, he didn't realize all that was going on. It's a tough road to try to anticipate what he wants and also to understand what he actually understands.

    I'm sure that i made mistakes. I have no doubt of that. I make no excuses for myself.
  • HRSMomHRSMom Registered User Posts: 4,632 Senior Member
    ^no excuses are ever needed. With this stuff, we just do the best we can and hope it's good enough. Right now I'm failing miserably, and failure is not an option!
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 3,076 Senior Member
    Failure is NOT an option. Just keep plugging forward and you will prevail.
  • CenterCenter Registered User Posts: 2,240 Senior Member
    @HRSMom when I read a thread like this and hear all the wonderful feedback it makes me wish we could all sit in a room together and talk. Failure is not an option. He has YOU and you care. There are many paths in life and none is right but we are all conditioned to think that one path is the right path and if our kids aren't on that path they are failing. I have a wonderfully creative and extraordinarily smart boy who has crippling social issues and profound feelings of inferiority. No real friends ever. I think we just have to help them find ways to make small achievements and keep moving forward. Also your school and what is possible. Anything is possible. Just ask!
  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers Registered User Posts: 3,076 Senior Member
    @Center I feel for you and your son. . . . I'm so sorry to hear about his social issues. That's so painful. I won't attempt to make suggestions. I'm sure that you've thought of all of my"solutions" already. You are so strong.

    In the City were I live, there's a group called Achilles Int. It was founded by a disabled Vietnam vet in NYC and it spread to other locations. Maybe there's a chapter near you? The group helps disabled athletes work out. The athletes are "all* levels and *all* types of abilities. Athletes include those who can barely move to those who are running marathons at 7 min miles. Non-disabled volunteers help the athletes work out, as guides and as a social group. Like there may be 3 or more guides for an athlete and it becomes a moving party for the athlete--and for the volunteers.

    In any event, at least up here on Saturdays they meet in the park, there are several aspie kids. The kids get out. They get exercise (walking or running or whatever) and they have a social time with each other and with the volunteers.

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