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How's my essay?

Spidey1588Spidey1588 Registered User Posts: 190 Junior Member
edited March 2008 in Multiple Degree Programs
OK, after getting rejected by numerous programs, I am getting very put down. However, for the last one that I applied to, which I still have to hear from, I wrote this essay, from scratch, about my background and how my interest in medicine developed. What do you think about it?

The Road to Medicine
I have called *********, California, home for most of my life. Near the end of preschool, my father divorced my mother and broke all contact with my family. My mother labored hard to support me and my younger sister, and because of her laudable efforts, I have attended Catholic schools for thirteen years. Moreover, in fifth grade, I spent a few months with my mother’s relatives in Virginia; there, I first got a sense of family. I learned that grandparents, uncles, and aunts can actually be one’s best friends and confidantes in life.
For years, I wondered what career to pursue; at times I vacillated between engineering and environmental activism. However, in sixth grade, I underwent surgery for appendicitis, which nearly traumatized me with its pain but ultimately imbued me with more direction. The rather familial way in which I saw doctors and nurses daily monitoring my recovery, feeding me at late hours, and personally walking me around the hall encouraged me to at least consider pursuing medicine. At that young age, I idealistically wanted to change others’ worlds as my caretakers had changed mine by helping me recover.
In eighth grade, I began work at a retirement home that also served as a hospital. I feared that elderly patients would be boring. However, seeing gratitude in patients’ gleaming eyes, I left with feelings of accomplishment and self-satisfaction. Sophomore year, though, I took AP Biology and anatomy and physiology courses. While I enjoyed taking these courses, I became fascinated with the magnificent complexity and stupendous unity of bodily systems, especially with the digestive system. With this newfound interest in human biology, I volunteered at a hospital the following year, something which I still do. Now, I meet patients one-on-one and observe doctors’ and nurses’ daily activities on a surgical floor.
Not only do I enjoy the complex beauty of the human body, but I also enjoy interacting with patients, all unique, all with individual personalities. Still, with this internship, I was not sure if I truly wanted to endure the rigors of being a physician. So, I volunteered in an internal medicine clinic this past summer and directly experienced how a doctor interacts with a patient. Just as my mother sees to my needs, this particular doctor ensured that all of his patients had proper medications, regardless of health insurance, and watched that patients regularly maintained their diets and exercise routines. He also allowed his patients to visit him whenever needed, even after office hours. I also observed how tedious paperwork the profession may give. Subsequent to finishing up my time there, I realized that I, too, can leave a sound impact on others in my own little niche in this world, just as this physician does.
Post edited by Spidey1588 on

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