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hovering parents

husky2013husky2013 10 replies5 threads New Member
edited August 2013 in Northeastern University
how often do your parents visit you in college?

mine are planning on twice a month which seems like way too much. I know that college is a big adjustment for parents and students but how can I tell them I don't want them coming up that often without hearing the "we are helping pay for college, we can do whatever we want" speech again.

does anyone else have this problem? I feel like most parents just drop by for move in, parents weekend, and pick up/drop off for breaks. but seriously it's so much money for them to spend and time traveling and most likely I will be swamped with work that they can't expect me to drop for them to come and visit every other weekend.
edited August 2013
7 replies
Post edited by husky2013 on
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Replies to: hovering parents

  • nanotechnologynanotechnology 2503 replies23 threads Senior Member
    It depends on how far away you live from home, obviously. My parents have been to Boston twice: once for orientation and once to move me out there for co-op.
    This is on one extreme, and it sounds like you are dealing with the other extreme.
    It sounds like you've already tried to talk them and haven't made much headway, so you might consider letting it rest for awhile and reassess once you've started in the fall. If they live much more further away than just outside the city, it's possible that they will get tired of trying to schedule these biweekly trips to come see you. But if they're worried you won't keep in touch, try to call regularly, skype, send pictures - keep them in the loop. That way they can feel like they're a part of your college life but you won't feel like they're taking over your college life.
    For students with parents who don't live in the immediate Boston area, you're probably right about when/how often they come to visit. It's not uncommon for students to go home for a weekend here and there, if they aren't too far away (meaning accessible by commuter rail/Amtrak/bus). You might suggest this as a compromise as well.

    How far away do your parents live?
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  • husky2013husky2013 10 replies5 threads New Member
    nanotechnology- depending on the traffic it can be anywhere between a 4 and 5 hour drive.

    maybe I'm overreacting and two weekends per month which is only four days out of thirty won't be so bad. and I'm sure at first the visits will be nice especially if I'm feeling homesick. but I feel like as the year progresses I'm going to want to have the independence that college provides and not have mommy and daddy there every other weekend to solve all my problems for me.

    perhaps if I keep in touch on a regular basis as you suggest they will realize that coming up so frequently isn't necessary. thank you for your thorough response because as I reread my original post I see it sounds immature and ungrateful.
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  • nanotechnologynanotechnology 2503 replies23 threads Senior Member
    I don't think you sounded immature or ungrateful - just like every new college student trying to figure out how to get a little independence.
    And you seem willing to have some give and take with your parents on this, which means you're already further ahead than many college students.
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  • MD MomMD Mom 6644 replies84 threads Senior Member
    If you think it is too much, it is too much.
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  • intparentintparent 36292 replies644 threads Senior Member
    Hmm... that does sound like a lot (two full weekend days twice a month if I am reading you correctly). A few thoughts:

    - Stay in your dorm, don't go to the hotel and stay with them.
    - Give them about one full day of activity when they come up (out to eat, museums, parks, whatever). The rest of the time do what you need to do on the weekend -- studying, papers, study group, on campus jobs or clubs, whatever. I don't think it is realistic for them to expect you to drop everything just because they are in town that often. But it is reasonable to let them know ahead of time -- "I know you guys are coming up the weekend of the third -- just to let you know I have to work Saturday morning, have a club meeting on Sunday afternoon at 3 pm I need to attend, and need about 8 hours to work on a paper due next week and some reading. So maybe we can do something Saturday afternoon and go to dinner on Saturday, and have breakfast on Sunday."
    - If a weekend truly won't work (right before exams, etc), you need to say so. If they insist on coming, say you would love to go out to dinner one night, but except for that you have to study.

    They may eventually get tired of making the drive. I guess you can think of it as a pretty cheap way to earn tens of thousands in tuition money every year... and you might get some good meals out of it.
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  • SodiumFineSodiumFine 8 replies3 threads New Member
    By most standards, two weekends per month would be way too much.
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  • gamernotwatchergamernotwatcher 41 replies0 threads Junior Member
    College is a 4 year/ 7 day/week commitment. Stay in touch during the week, as you commit to more activities to add to the college experience (share your schedule), the hope is that mom and dad will understand your schedule and the time commitment required to participate and gain the fullest benefits from the program 'that they are paying for'. A suggestion is look into and get them involved in the Parent program, there is always opportunity for volunteers, that will keep them busy and doing good for Northeastern.
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