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Parents caring for the parent support thread

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Replies to: Parents caring for the parent support thread

  • NerdMom88NerdMom88 Registered User Posts: 775 Member
    I went home today to celebrate my parents' birthdays -- 80 for Mom last week and 82 for Dad next week. Dad's dementia has been steadily worsening, but the shock this visit was Mom. Less than two weeks ago she told me that a NP had told her that blood work indicated a potential problem with her kidney function, likely related to her diabetes. She saw a specialist this week who ordered more tests and a scan next week. She said that he mentioned a possibility of dialysis at some point down the line. Then, today she hands me the paperwork from her visit (which she couldn't read due to diabetic retinopathy) and I see that the diagnosis is Stage IV kidney failure.
  • esobayesobay Registered User Posts: 1,206 Senior Member
    WOW NerdMom88, {{{NM88}}} massive hugs, that is really scary....

    It was weird that Mom's kidney function was terrible for years, yet when she went into the AL place, with people reminding her to drink, it became normal again. Not saying that is the case for your mom, it just surpirsed me because I thought kidney failures were a one-way street.
  • NerdMom88NerdMom88 Registered User Posts: 775 Member
    @esobay , my mom used to be a huge water drinker, and it's slowed down in the last 10 years or so. Her specialist told her to drink only what she felt like drinking, and not to force herself to drink more, because it would make her kidneys work even harder. That's not what I expected to hear...

    My dad doesn't seem concerned at all. I don't know if she's concealed this from him, or if he just isn't grasping the issue. Could be a bit of both.
  • GTalumGTalum Registered User Posts: 2,697 Senior Member
    @NerdMom88 My FIL stayed in stage 4 renal failure for 9-10 years. They even placed the equipment in his arm to get dialysis ("just in case") even though he said he would never get it. He was right. He died at 89.
  • mykidsgrannymykidsgranny Registered User Posts: 22 New Member
    My husband came very close to dialysis; finally meeting with a renal nutritionist brought home to him that he could NOT eat and drink just what he wanted to, and he managed to turn his kidney failure around just enough. But yes, they limited his liquid intake pretty drastically.
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 8,332 Senior Member
    Dehydration makes the GFR look worse. So drinking enough water for some hours before the blood test can make a difference in the stage sometimes.
  • NerdMom88NerdMom88 Registered User Posts: 775 Member
    Mom is really great about her eating, but she has been drinking a lot less. I'll mention it to her.
  • SOSConcernSOSConcern Registered User Posts: 3,446 Senior Member
    How did the memorial service go @esobay and did the misdeeds (suspected unhandy) stop?

    Thanks for the hugs and thoughts. MIL must have felt bad about her behavior (grand-dau visited after us, and she knew how grumpy grandma was) and sent me a belated BD check. H said I should cash, so I did and sent a nice thank you note.
  • esobayesobay Registered User Posts: 1,206 Senior Member
    edited October 19
    Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others!

    That is so true and don't forget to try to give back to YOUR support staff, be it spouse or kids or whomever. They deserve you as much as a parent.
  • travelnuttravelnut Registered User Posts: 1,594 Senior Member
    @psychmomma - happy for you and your mother. It's easy to miss the perks a good elder community offers, especially the chance for built-in socialization with peers and staff. Many will eventually need or benefit from such an option, so good for both generations to see how it can work. Re-charging means a lot. Well said.
  • great lakes momgreat lakes mom Registered User Posts: 2,729 Senior Member
    psychmomma, my mom and sister really benefited from her needed time in rehab. Rather than the dreaded "nursing home", she was able to see it as a community where interesting people live and she would not mind a return brief visit. When she was briefly enrolled in hospice, the allowed respite care was one of the great offered benefits for both of them. All of last years' turmoil has settled, and she is doing quite well at this point.
  • HImomHImom Registered User Posts: 29,700 Senior Member
    edited October 22
    How does one broach the subject with loved ones about trying adult incontinence products? There are many "accidents" and so far my sibs have just done laundry frequently and as far as I've heard none have broached the subject so far. I'm sure it's very sensitive and have no good ideas on how this can and should be handled.
  • oldmom4896oldmom4896 Registered User Posts: 3,608 Senior Member
    @HImom , for a long time, until he couldn't handle the job anymore, my dad was caretaker to my stepmother as she became incontinent, and he just bought Depends and had her wear them. They go on like underwear and aren't too bulky.

    Are they in the independent living place? It's possible that there are social workers who may help in that setting. It's also possible that the incontinent parent is aware of his or her issue and is too embarrassed to bring the matter up.

    Good luck and (((((hugs)))))--I know it's not easy.
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