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Memorials preferred? Meaning?

KajonKajon Registered User Posts: 4,368 Senior Member
edited November 2012 in Parent Cafe
For some reason this one has me puzzled. The funeral announcement states "memorials preferred to xyz cancer center" It doesn't say "in lieu of flowers", just preferred. Preferred over checks written to the family or preferred over flowers?

This is for my dear old boss. When I sent a fall arrangement to his dad's funeral years ago, he called me to say how much he appreciated them because hardly anyone else sent flowers. So I either do a repeat or..... it is possible that he never wants anyone else to suffer the pain of terminal cancer and hopes that each donation is one step closer to a cure and I honor his name with a donation.
Post edited by Kajon on

Replies to: Memorials preferred? Meaning?

  • thumper1thumper1 Registered User Posts: 63,482 Senior Member
    It sounds like either would be fine with the family. I'm sure they will appreciate your thoughtfulness either way.
  • suzy100suzy100 Registered User Posts: 4,217 Senior Member
    I agree that either would be appreciated but they've said that they have a preference (a donation) so that's what I would do.
  • NJSueNJSue Registered User Posts: 2,789 Senior Member
    Memorial donations are nice, of course, but there is something concrete about flowers. I understand the rationale that flowers wilt while memorial gifts to good causes perpetuate the good, but I also remember being overwhelmed and comforted by the beautiful flowers people sent to the church when my mother died. It has become pro forma for the family to request donations to good causes in lieu of flowers, but I have yet to see anyone be less than touched by the decision to send a floral tribute. I think you have the right to go with your gut on this.
  • LergnomLergnom Registered User Posts: 7,926 Senior Member
    It could be odd wording meant to suggest that if you want to give a gift in memory, do it to this group. Take it as you wish.
  • AllThisIsNewToMeAllThisIsNewToMe Registered User Posts: 2,252 Senior Member
    I was also overwhelmed recently at my Mom's funeral by all the flowers, but then at the graveside it seemed so sad that they would just die there. I confess that I typically send a plant, but after trying to "rehome" 7 giant peace lillies, next time I'll either do a donation or a floral spray. Plants are not for everyone.
  • roshkeroshke Registered User Posts: 3,102 Senior Member
    I would not do flowers in this case.
  • jym626jym626 Registered User Posts: 52,137 Senior Member
    I think they are asking for donations to be made in memory of (hence the term "memorial") your late dear old boss. I'd honor that.
  • victoriaheidivictoriaheidi Registered User Posts: 669 Member
    When my great-uncle died, people sent flowers, but we had to divide them up amongst a ton of relatives (and, IIRC, we even took some to the school offices!) because the people living in the house where the flowers were sent couldn't handle having flowers around (my uncle has allergies). So I understand the request.
  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 5,936 Senior Member
    In my experience, seeing a large number of flower arrangements is a reminder of how important the person was to their family and in their community - either in the near or far past. I hope I get flowers, even if they do die in a few days. Stargazer lilies. Mums. Iris. Glads. Roses....:)

    ^If the relatives don't want the flowers, the church is usually happy to have them (assuming there is a church involved).
  • Sop14's MomSop14's Mom Registered User Posts: 792 Member
    Not applicable in the OP's case, but I think it's worth noting that funeral flowers are culturally specific. Jews, most Muslims, and Hindus do not traditionally have flowers at funerals.
  • jym626jym626 Registered User Posts: 52,137 Senior Member
    What SOP14's mom said.
  • SteveMASteveMA Registered User Posts: 6,079 Senior Member
    We asked for memorials vs flowers because it's just one more thing to deal with after the funeral. I am going to guess that they did not say "in lieu of" because asking for memorials has become fairly commonplace and most people know that it means they don't want flowers OR the newspaper charges by the word and they left that out because it was putting them over the word count.
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