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2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

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Replies to: 2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

  • SilpatSilpat Registered User Posts: 1,095 Senior Member
    I've learned so much from reading these posts - thanks to all of you. Congratulations to the newlyweds and new in-laws and the newly engaged, too.

    @VeryHappy , I commiserate with your exhaustion when guests just won't take the hint to call it a night but I also understand how hard it would be to say goodnight if I might not see my child for a long time. My dh's grandfather would say to his wife, "Mother, let's go to bed so these good people can go home." My dh has threatened to do the same but so far hasn't followed through for parties, but he has just gone to bed when his relatives visit leaving me to stay up with them.

    @deb922 , I hate that your D was treated so poorly by your new DiL, but am glad she was able to put that behind her and enjoy the reception. My ex-SiL treated me the same way when I was a bridesmaid in an older brother's wedding. It proved to be typical of her behavior. I hope that won't be the case with your S's new wife. Maybe she just got caught up in being with old friends and didn't think.

    Our D and FSiL won't be leaving for their honeymoon immediately. I was happily surprised when D asked if they could come to a casual dinner we're hosting the day after the wedding for the small group of relatives and out of town guests who'll still be there. Even though we live just a couple of hours away, we usually only see D about four times a year so I'm delighted for every extra minute with her.
  • scout59scout59 Registered User Posts: 3,166 Senior Member
    edited October 11
    @deb922 - your post #4389 touched my heart. I know how you feel. My only child lives 700 miles away and is getting married next May. She has a demanding job and a full life, so she doesn't make it home very often. My brain understands all this, but my heart wants to see her more often...to the point where my H and I are seriously considering retiring near her.

    My future son-in-law seems like a sweetie right now - let's see how he behaves when his in-laws are living RIGHT NEXT DOOR. (I'm joking...but only a little.)

  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 21,028 Senior Member
    D1 is not close with her future sister-in-law, even though they do get along when they see each other. Whereas D1 is very close to all of her bridesmaids and her sister. There were many people who told D1 she should invite her FSIL to be her bridesmaid, but D1 knew she would have to invite her to all events - shower, bachelorette party, etc, and D1 thought the FSIL would feel out of place with her friends. D1 did ask the FSIL if she wanted to be in the wedding party, and her FMIL said to her daughter, "Just remember if you say yes then you'll have to go to every event and it will be expensive." The FSIL declined because she is getting married 2 months after D1 and she also didn't ask D1 to be in her wedding either. They still like each other.
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 21,713 Senior Member
    edited October 11
    The clincher was that the bride arranged a bridesmaids luncheon on the day of the wedding but did not include D (or me, her mom was).

    Not to include one of the bridesmaids was simply a gratuitous insult: extremely rude and nasty. No excuse. I am really surprised at the bride and her mother.

    It would clearly have been better for your D not to be a bridesmaid at all, and in fact I think that would be perfectly reasonable. If it were known that your D had a burning desire to participate in that way, and the B chose to honor her wishes, then she should be fully welcomed and treated like everyone else, not like some kind of unwanted hanger-on. Whose idea was it that she be a bridesmaid in the first place?

    @VeryHappy and @deb922 , I understand the need to rest and recuperate after a period of intense hosting, BUT...as someone who would be the MOG to my only child, whom I do not see often enough, I would be very unhappy to be expected to leave the house while the B&G stayed on with her parents for several precious hours. Who knows when I would see him again. I would feel like a second class citizen, and fear that this was the start of being treated as less important than the bride's parents. Could be totally irrational and unwarranted, but that is how I would feel. (Unless I made travel plans that required my leaving earlier. That would be different.) @VeryHappy , I appreciate that you showed mercy to them, even though you were exhausted.
  • 2VU06092VU0609 Registered User Posts: 3,067 Senior Member
    I am also mad & sad about the sister of the groom being treated poorly. I could go on and on about that type of thing from personal experience, but will just leave it at that. Not the kindest behavior.....
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 21,713 Senior Member
    @limulus, how awful! I am somewhat surprised that your parents didn't object on the spot, but I supposed that their first instinct was not to make a scene at the wedding.

    My oldest niece married a man with many sisters, 3, I think. She has 3 sisters herself. She wanted to include everyone, so she ended up with an enormous bridal party. I think there were 9+ bridesmaids, the groom's niece and her youngest sister, who was about 3 or 4, were flower girls, and my S (age 4 or 5) was the ring bearer. The groom's 2 brothers groomsmen, plus various other friends a fraternity brothers to go with all those bridesmaids! :)

    The groom told me his sister's really didn't care, but I think at least everyone must have appreciated her desire not to leave anyone out.
  • VeryHappyVeryHappy Registered User Posts: 16,869 Senior Member
    Wow, just wow, to all of these stories. Weddings bring out the best, and they bring out the worst. Just like families!

    @deb922 : I understand your feeling of wanting to stay with your child to the bitter end. In my case, I think my son's in-laws should have said something -- like, "We're so glad we can hang out with everyone until the bride and groom leave," which would have let me know what their plans were. Or, "We hope you don't mind if we watch the game here with Bride and Groom; who knows when we'll see them again."
  • busyparentbusyparent Registered User Posts: 702 Member
    Not being invited to the day of luncheon blows my mind. Very sorry.
  • musicmom1215musicmom1215 Registered User Posts: 2,001 Senior Member
    Wow. Those are some unbelievable stories! My heart hurts for all of them.

    My FDIL did not ask my D (groom's only sibling) to be in the wedding party. My D is ok with it as she doesn't really know her very well and knows none of her friends. About a month or so ago, FDIL asked my ex-husband and D and their jazz combo to provide the music for the wedding, so she will be included in some way.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 14,711 Senior Member
    Personally, I think the tradition of the bride asking females to be attendants and the groom asking males is so dated and out of step with the times.

    Nice to see that your future SIL focused on asking those important to him regardless of gender, @greenwitch.
  • runnersmomrunnersmom Registered User Posts: 1,686 Senior Member
    In the beginning, there was to be no traditional bridal party. My D and S would stand up for their brother and the bride's two brothers were going to stand up for her. Somewhere along the way, that morphed into her brothers (and my other S) being groomsmen and my D being a bridesmaid, though those 4 did stand under the chuppah with their respective siblings and the rest of the bridal party sat in the front two rows. I agree with @doschicos that gender norms have changed and traditions may need to change as well.
  • travelnuttravelnut Registered User Posts: 1,595 Senior Member
    So much good news as these long planned events take place. A few cautionary tales about keeping eyes on the big picture and viewing the totality from lots of vantage points.

    DD is having 5 flower girls, mostly from groom's side of family. They are older than usual (7-10). As I wondered if it was an unwieldy number, she explained how she wanted to be inclusive and bring the families together. When I met most of the girls at an engagement party hosted by the groom's family, saw their connections and how they orchestrated an 8 kid performance as a gift to the bride and groom, priorities were clear. Looking forward to seeing them all again.
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