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2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

abasketabasket Registered User Posts: 19,536 Senior Member
edited August 2016 in Parent Cafe
What? No wedding thread yet in 2016?!!! :)

This afternoon I'm meeting the likely caterer for my S's June wedding (with S and FDIL). I'm writing down questions and having some anxiety! Yikes - so many details! The place we are meeting with has done countless weddings so I know we can count on them, but one thought leads to another - who should we call for the cake, cake? Who's going to cut it? Cut the cake? Serve the cake? Where? Who? Do we have a knife and server utensils?!!! Haha - giving myself a little panic attack!

So thought I'd throw it out there. Those who are having weddings in 2016 - how are things going? What is the crisis or success of the month? What's on your to-do list?

We know that CC'ers are the BEST wedding planners/advisors - so look forward to hearing EVERYONE'S comments and all!!!

Edited to add on 8/16/16 - changing the title of this thread to reflect the request of many parents who have joined in with weddings planned for their kids beyond 2016. There was a discussion and request to keep one thread as opposed to starting a new thread for each year.
Post edited by teriwtt on

Replies to: 2016 and beyond wedding moms and dads

  • mabelmabel Registered User Posts: 92 Junior Member
    Looking at 3 invitations we received for October and Nov.. (1) Mother and father names of bride along with mother and father names of groom invite you to witness..(2) because the Lord has brought them together family name of bride and family name of groom invite you ...(3) names of bride and groom request your company to celebrate ...
    Never thought wording meant anything individual preference.
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 23,020 Senior Member
    I have a family member who got married during a period in which her parents were in financial distress. Her wealthy grandparents paid for the wedding.

    I don't recall what the invitation said, but it certainly did not identify the grandparents as the hosts. @jym626 I don't understand how your feelings would be hurt by an invitation from the couple. If the FOB is even invited--why?--and shows up, actually being tacky enough to pretend that he paid for the wedding--I mean, are people going to ASK??-- surely everyone who knows the family will be aware that it is highly unlikely? Why would it hurt your feelings?

    I understand that it would hurt your feelings if they planned a wedding that was antithetical to everything you like, but it seems to me that that would be hurtful no matter who paid for it.

    It sounds to me that the MOB is the person who is most likely to feel badly about the whole thing, and be humiliated/hurt, etc. It is very kind of you not to emphaisize her position in the whole affair.

    Maybe I'm missing something.
  • cbreezecbreeze Registered User Posts: 4,763 Senior Member
    If FH thinks it'll be very rude and offensive to not include his parents, I'd feel obnoxious pushing it.

    My DIL's parents paid for her wedding and our names were not on the wedding invitation. We paid for the rehearsal dinner and bride's parents' names were not on the invitation. This is traditional, not rude or obnoxious.
  • mamabear1234mamabear1234 Registered User Posts: 3,524 Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    My D is getting married in June in the DC area. I went with her last May to look at reception venues, and I have looked over caterer proposals she sent me, but other than that she and her fiance are doing all the planning. YAY! She's had her caterer booked for months, also has a photographer, flowers, and DJ. We told her we would pay for the reception up to a certain amount. She is very organized and I hate almost everything about traditional weddings, so it is great not having much to do. No crises around here, she has a hotel room block reserved and is sending out save the date cards with their website info so people can reserve rooms. I got together a list of addresses for her. She still needs to register at stores if she wants gifts that she can use. Their apt is so tiny she doesn't have room for much.

    I did say I would get together a small shower in her hometown for the few relatives and friends here who may want to come. Yes, I know according to the rules I should not do that, but there isn't anyone else with the means to throw a shower here. I will probably have it at a tea room and let them do all the work. Also need to get a dress for me. (Yuk!)
  • 2VU06092VU0609 Registered User Posts: 3,523 Senior Member
    D will be a late June bride, but she has been engaged since last February. I may be in denial with regard to what needs to be done because of the long engagement or maybe I just have the luxury of letting her plan it with her Nashville wedding planner. XH is paying most of the costs, but, among other things I have paid for, I paid for the deposit on the wedding planner and it's the best money I've ever spent. His fee is reasonable and he has presented enough good choices to let her feel that she has options, but not so many that she is overwhelmed. She has done some event planning in her job, so she has that experience to help make the process go smoothly as well.

    We found D's dress at first stop in under an hour and I'm having a dress made. Our biggest challenge in outfitting the bridal party has been solving the ring bearer outfit dilemma. Future SIL has 1 niece and 2 nephews. Niece will wear a simple white dress with navy sash to match bridesmaids dresses. We want the 2 nephews (ages 4 & 6) to wear sailor suits with knee length pants and it's impossible to find them in sizes for a little boy that old. I think D & her future SIL found a woman near where the kids live to make them yesterday and to also make flower girl dress. Hooray - challenge solved!

    Maybe the biggest challenge is that they have funding to have a nice wedding for 150 and we have about 180 who have received STDs. It's terrible to say, but I'm really hoping some of those dear people can't come:) Regardless, it's going to be a fun year.
  • mamabear1234mamabear1234 Registered User Posts: 3,524 Senior Member
    Mine's got 180 on her invite list too, a number like 150 would be easier to handle in the event space. She's inviting her 10 cousins and their families, including 14 children. Those cousins live all across the country and in Ireland and England, so I'm half hoping some won't come or they won't bring their kids. But they may look at a trip to DC as an educational one for the kids, so who knows?
  • WayOutWestMomWayOutWestMom Registered User Posts: 10,184 Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    D1 is getting married in October. She'll become "officially" engaged in early February when she goes to Australia to visit her soon-to-be fiance. He's already proposed & she's accepted, but he hasn't given her a ring yet because...well, she's in the US and he's in Australia. (Well, actually D1 already has the ring. It's family heirloom that once belonged to her grandmother, was mine and is now hers. Her fiance will have the stone reset for her in Sydney. Shipping the ring to Sydney was too expensive and complicated --plus big import duties. Much easier just to ship to D1 and just have her wear it on the plane.)

    Engagement won't be official until February because he hasn't told his family yet. And won't until it's "ring official".

    So there's ring and a dress--which D1 bought last month. (A long ivory slip dress w/ silver embroidery) There's a date and officiant. (Fiance's BFF who was internet ordained last year to marry another one of his friends.) They've picked a venue--a historical inn on a organic farm but haven't checked to see if the date is available. The inn has an excellent vegetarian restaurant onsite that will cater the reception. (Both bride & groom are vegetarian/vegan.) They have a list of alternative venues if their date isn't available, including my backyard.

    Wedding will be small and very simple. Maybe 20-25 guests total. Immediate family plus a few close friends only. No attendants other than 2 witnesses. (Maid of honor/best man.) No tuxedos. No bridesmaids in gowns.

    This a 30-something professional couple. She's a physician (medical resident) and he's a tenured university professor. They're paying for their own wedding.

    Since the wedding will be in D1's hometown (but not where she currently lives--which across the country), I've offered to so any local legwork that needs to be done. I'll just have to see if she/they take me up on the offer.


    Actually, the fact they're even having a wedding came as a bit of surprise. His plan was a visit to a local judge/justice of the peace or whatever the Australian equivalent is next month and then have 2 receptions at a later dater--one her in the southwest for her friends/family and one in the Philly/DC area for his family.

    And truthfully I would not be at surprised if D1 doesn't return from Australia already married.
  • dentmom4dentmom4 Registered User Posts: 1,217 Senior Member
    S1 is getting married in August. They are doing most of the planning/arranging themselves, but it's hard for me to stand back and let them do it all. I've made some suggestions, some they've used, others they ignored. We gave them a check and said that's it from us other than the rehearsal dinner, our family's clothing and hotel. We are paying for the tux and hotel for one of the groomsmen (no money and we've known him since middle school).

    They have STD cards to send out soon, reception hall booked, cake, flowers, photographer, DJ set up. Still need an officiant (she is a lapsed Catholic and we are not religious). She has her gown and I will order bridesmaid dresses for D1 and D2 in 2 weeks. She's thinking about table decorations, but isn't creative and can't make them herself. I see D1 and me making things this summer........

    Biggest hurdle for me: outdoor wedding in Michigan in August. Can be very hot and humid, minimal rain plan. I'm trying hard to get them to reserve a canopy to block the sun, plus find a company to set up/take down the chairs. The wedding is on a college campus and they don't do set up or chairs for anything outdoors.

    They have 200 on the guest list, hoping for 150. Somehow they think they need to invite every friend/acquaintance whose wedding they have attended even if they aren't in contact anymore. Plus a guest for everyone. Our list came to 36, but they won't all come since we are spread out across the country and the single cousins won't bring guests. I also hope to have a small shower for FDIL to meet our relatives. I know it's not done, but my two Ds can be the "hostesses" at a small restaurant luncheon.

  • 2VU06092VU0609 Registered User Posts: 3,523 Senior Member
    Two of you have mentioned coordinating shower, saying you know it breaks the rules. If you've been following the CC wedding threads over the last few years, you should know by now that the rules are meant to be broken and often are :) I personally hate gift parties and D is not having any from "our side", although I've helped host showers for friends' children through the years and smiled all the way through. She doesn't want to have to open gifts in front of people and have to gush over them all. So we think it's all good, but her future MIL has a group of friends who want to host a party in his hometown in the deep South and they are now lined up for a couples shower to be thrown by 16 hostesses and a guest list of over 100. I told her to order lots of stationary for those thank yous.

    This is his mom's chance to celebrate with all of her friends and D & future SIL have been assured that the majority of those being invited know the situation and that the wedding guest list is limited (family & attendants/plus ones seem to make up a huge percentage of the guest list). As long as everyone is okay with the rule breaking for this scenario, i.e. only wedding guests invited to parties and every guest assigned to a party, I guess it will be a fun event for them.

    I've read so many different wedding threads here that the biggest thing I've learned is every region is different and there are lots of different expectations depending on where you live, cultural expectations, age of bride & groom, etc. I'm glad things have evolved to more of a whatever works philosophy, just wish that the cost of these celebrations wasn't so exorbitant. Best wishes to everyone here!
  • mamabear1234mamabear1234 Registered User Posts: 3,524 Senior Member
    edited January 2016
    I agree about the cost! The weddings described by WayOutWestMom and musicamusica sound great to me. We won't be inviting anyone not invited to the wedding to the shower, and frankly I would prefer to skip it, but my D would like it so I am going along. Perhaps we can theme it somehow to keep the gift expenses down, maybe personal items for the bride is my current thinking. I did suggest several years ago (before she was even engaged) that she consider eloping. I would have loved to just go to Hawaii myself and get married, but gave in to my Mom and had a wedding I hated. I am trying to let my D have the wedding she wants. So far the reception venue she has picked (historic home) suits her well. Her fiance wants to get married in a church so they are doing that.
  • abasketabasket Registered User Posts: 19,536 Senior Member
    Everyone will need to share stories after all these unique events!

    Two big items off the checklist today - DJ and Caterer. So, venue/photographer/caterer/dj all set. Bride's dress and bridesmaid dresses bought. Mine too for that matter! Next, bartender, cake, think about flowers. FDIL has been collecting items for centerpieces - she wants to use mercury glass and some other items for centerpieces w/flowers that we will probably try and purchase ourselves. Need to figure out where to get flowers inexpensively! (like a wholesale flower market?? - any ideas???)

    S will be 24, bride 25. Church wedding, unique venue (indoor- whew!). Sending out invitations for somewhere in the 100-125 range. June wedding too! We are giving them a set amount, we promised a casual rehearsal dinner (secured a place for that) and I'm paying for some little things along the way - her family can't help much and though S (teacher) and FDIL (works at a bridal shop - great discount on the dresses!) are employed full time, they aren't rich and won't probably ever be!

    Though they are not going overboard, I sort of wish they would keep it even more simple from the expense of it all. But, they are cutting corners where they can and I understand their desire for a few frills. Hoping that they can avoid some costs here and there (tonight we talked about the whole idea of a limo after the wedding - really? To go from the church to the venue a few miles away??) I say find someone with a large clean Suburban who is willing to drive them around between spots and call it a day!!!!
  • mamabear1234mamabear1234 Registered User Posts: 3,524 Senior Member
    I am pretty sure D's caterer is providing the bartenders, although they are going to buy the liquor themselves.

    I have been buying bird cages on sale lately as that is desired for the centerpieces. Not sure if they will be decorated with candles or flowers (or both).

    Transportation is still a question mark - if there will be shuttles of some sort to the reception and back. Always an issue with Sat afternoon church weddings with a couple hour gap before the reception in another location.
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