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Changing jobs : a naive quitter or an empowered survivalist?

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Replies to: Changing jobs : a naive quitter or an empowered survivalist?

  • GMTplus7GMTplus7 14268 replies297 threads Senior Member
    Post #18. I should mention that I lined up another job before I quit, so there was no break in income/benefits.
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  • VeryHappyVeryHappy 18976 replies336 threads Senior Member
    I completely agree with these relationships being like an abusive domestic relationship. The abuser tries to confuse you, gives you occasional praise along with the abuse, and generally keeps you guessing what you'll walk into the next day.

    @DonnaL: Have you thought about working for Axiom or one of the other freelance attorney agencies?

    Back to your main thread . . . .
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  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers 3629 replies85 threads Senior Member
    I went through a 22-month stint with a new boss who refused to talk to me. He was hired after I'd worked there for 5 years. Fortunately I had 5 years of excellent relations with everyone else in the org. The 22 months of his silence included not telling me about projects that I was assigned by people higher than him; taking the rest of the department out to lunch and leaving me sit; etc. Because Boss refused to talk to me, the co-workers were confused and felt they too could not talk to me, or suffer the same mysterious fate. He would periodically stop talking to others for short stints and kept them in line that way, I guess.

    As difficult as this was, I felt that quitting was not an option. The benefits were amazing at this org and couldn't be found elsewhere. Besides, the other people in the org had known me for 5 years. After 22 months they moved me to another dept. After another year or so, the Bad Boss finally tripped up in such a public way that they could successfully fire him.

    To this day I'm not sure if it was worth hunkering down for 22 months and dealing with that stress. I've completed 6 more years on the job, about, and it's been a great job in all other ways.
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  • greenbuttongreenbutton 2762 replies125 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2016
    That's where I am -- last year I got a new manager. And that person's boss is barely 5 yrs in. So here I am after 13 years of good work and good relationships with everyone else, and these two announce I am all sorts of wrong and they were moving someone new and totally without experience instead of saving me. when I responded that well, that was a lot to consider going forward, he was all " oh, you work hard and all that, no worries" ...I mean,he's known me less than a year. It's all very complicated and I'm sorry to be vague. This represents half my position; the other half is even weirder and less okay, but in a different way. (ethically, philosophically)
    edited June 2016
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  • SlackerMomMDSlackerMomMD 3085 replies9 threads Senior Member
    I've been where you are. I stayed and outlasted the nightmare director (she only lasted two years) That said, it doesn't hurt to polish up your resume, send it out, network and go on informational interviews and see what's out there. You don't have to up and quit but you can find out your options.

    One thing this thread has shown me is that it is never too late for find another job.
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  • mom2andmom2and 3052 replies20 threads Senior Member
    Certainly sounds like looking for a new position should be your immediate step. If you find something, great, if not, that may impact your choices depending on your dependence on your salary and what else you could do. Even if you stay, looking for options may help you figure out whether the grass is greener. Or maybe you can move within the firm?

    In the case of the family member mentioned above, the boss that was unsupportive ended up leaving a year or so later. The person who ended up in the job was fired soon thereafter.
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  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers 3629 replies85 threads Senior Member
    I agree. It doesn't hurt to look for another job. My understanding is that job hunting while employed is much better than job hunting while unemployed. You may find your dream job and dream boss. I say, go for it!
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  • NoVADad99NoVADad99 2258 replies33 threads Senior Member
    It's always a good idea to have a plan to leave and your resume ready to go. I took early retirement to get away from a bad situation and have no regrets. I've done interesting things since then and have learned a lot about other areas. I signed up for all the job sites (indeed, etc.) and have my resume there. I also keep my Linkedin profile updated. I get recruiters contacting me all the time about jobs. It never hurts to see who may be looking to hire. You have no loyalty to anyone but yourself and your family in today's world.
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  • BalletMomBalletMom 214 replies12 threads Junior Member
    OMG Dustyfeathers (post#24) I work for someone similar; fortunately she is relocating and doesn't want me. Leaving me without a job soon, but am looking.
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  • suzy100suzy100 5695 replies58 threads Senior Member
    Boy, I just wanted to say I can related to so many of these stories. I left a horribly toxic environment about 5 years ago. I had to wait until I found another job (6 months or so) but I'm so glad I left, even if it meant taking a pay cut. I swear I suffer from a mild form of PTSD after that experience.
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  • jrcsmomjrcsmom 926 replies24 threads Member
    Years ago I was in an extremely toxic environment, but not because of anyone being mean, it was a small family owned business that had decided to sell to a corporation just before I was hired. When the corporation took over, they fired many of the senior management to control costs...many who'd been with the business for decades, and were in the process of reviewing the duties for the middle management. They also were implementing a lot of their corporate policies. For me who had just started there, the management seemed to be doing their best to be making the best decisions to merge the 2 businesses, but for the long time employees they were paranoid that they might lose their jobs and angered over having to change the methods they had been using to comply to the new policies. I was only there 9 months and left with absolutely no notice because it was a MISERABLE place to work.

    But in my current job, I've been here for almost 15 years and it's very comfortable, but I've definitely been pigeonholed. I am VERY good at what I do, but I've been doing it for 15 years and I'm no longer growing or learning. Whenever a new project comes up that sounds like it would be interesting or give me an opportunity to learn new skills, there's always an excuse why I don't have time to devote to it and someone else - usually younger and less experienced, gets assigned to it. I'm on autopilot most of my work day, which is why I resort to coming here, because CC taxes my brain more than my job most days.

    But, with my son still in college for another 18 months (hoping he graduates Dec 2017), I can't afford to take a pay cut. So, my eyes are ALWAYS open for new opportunities, and if one presents itself, I wouldn't hesitate to leave my very comfortable, decent paying job that I've been in for nearly 15 years, just to go somewhere that actually requires me to think every now and again.
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  • preironicpreironic 460 replies37 threads Member
    I quit my job of 20 something years just 2 months ago. I'm 62. We might not have exactly the retirement we envisioned, but caring for my mom has taught me that life is way too short. I tried to quit 3 years ago when an abusive co-worker was put in the position of manager and got control of assigning all projects. The president of the company (who made the promotion) talked me into staying. I should have followed my gut when I still had plenty of time to find a better job since the last 3 years have been soul-sucking as I was assigned to fewer and fewer challenging projects despite my experience and good performance. Now the company who has employed only one woman for many years employs none. There was nothing tying me to the job except an hourly wage as the benefits were terrible despite the company's claim of being "World Class".
    I'm just breathing now and waiting to see what direction I should take. The world is open!
    I know from past experience that it's easy to get caught up into thinking that your present position holds more worth than it really does. If your gut tells you to jump ship, do it. Things will work out and you have more to offer than your present position gives you credit for. You do not have to put up with not being valued and someone else will see and appreciate your value. Chin up.
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  • doschicosdoschicos 26659 replies267 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2016
    @suzy100 I'm with you on the PTSD work related experience. Won't go into details but it was unpleasant.
    edited June 2016
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  • MotherOfDragonsMotherOfDragons 3934 replies25 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2016
    Whenever I've been in job situations where it's toxic, I distract myself for hunting actively for another job. I don't think I've ever outright *quit* a job except for once, and that was to stay with my kids when they were born. That job was actually pretty good, but really stressful (running a technical support division for a small software company back in the late 90s), and I was having trouble getting pregnant.

    I've done mostly freelance work since then that I can work around mom-hood, but now that the girls are going to be heading off to college in 2017 and 2018, I'm back at school full time so I'll have a bachelor's degree and be more marketable (because their college is expensive and I'd like my husband to be able to either cut way back or retire because he works SO hard).

    H has also moved jobs and companies when his work environment became intolerable (white collar executive nerd software type stuff). He's never quit, either-always lines up something else, then leaves the bad job. That hasn't happened for quite a while, though. (knock wood, although I see change on the horizon).

    It was energizing for me when I was in a bad job to direct my energy towards looking for a new job, because I don't fear change at all, and I recognize that's not the norm. I couldn't WAIT to find another cliff to jump off of. Most of the jumps were pretty good!

    PTSD: both H and I have had bosses that were so tyrannical/psychotic that we still have occasional nightmares about them. Both of those bosses are now dead from heart attacks. Karma.
    edited June 2016
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  • DonnaLDonnaL 4874 replies127 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2016
    I don't really understand why people think it's OK, Garland. My boss was well-known for saying things like "there's no law against yelling," and insisting that yelling at employees was "good" for them because it kept them on their toes, etc. Maybe he actually believed that, but I do think he was mostly just trying to cover for his inability to control his temper. (More unwillingness than inability, perhaps, given that he didn't seem to have much trouble controlling his temper with people to whom he had to be civil, like clients.)
    edited June 2016
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  • saxsax 5272 replies156 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2016
    @greenbutton I'm so sorry your job is so horribly toxic that you feel the need to leave. Stress will kill you or greatly shorten your life so time to go.

    Motherofdragons has the right idea. Throw yourself fully into a new job search. I really believe that as soon as you feel you are taking control over your future that you will immediately begin to feel better.

    Just start interviewing for anything close to what you are wanting. You will get good experience and become more relaxed with the interview experience. I think people should constantly look around and see what skills they might need for the "next" job.

    I have wanted to start a thread for awhile now that asks " Are there any honest, hardworking team players anymore?"

    H left a lifelong job after the corporate culture flipped

    D is working a new job where a threatened co worker has already set her up. But D is up to that "task" and is extremely well liked and appreciated by the top.

    I work for a guy who is a pathological liar. As soon as I accepted this and decided it just doesn't matter my life got much, much easier.

    H retired and although it was sooner than we wanted and we still had a mortgage it was the best possible move for him.
    I am sure it has added years to his life. Kids and I are thrilled that we have him back. its been a rough few 3-4 years.

    Your family will be glad to have you back too.
    edited June 2016
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