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Smart Moms - Was Dating Hard When You Were Younger?

hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
D20's high school is in the throes of elaborate homecoming "proposals." All of D's friends have been "proposed" to for the homecoming dance and D is the only one in her friend group that hasn't. D is friendly, attractive, and well-liked at her school. The kicker is that she's also really smart. She is at the top of her class and is the typical over-achiever. She's in lots of clubs, has lots of leadership roles, and is liked by the teachers and staff. Despite her achievements, D feels bad because she's never been asked out and gets no romantic attention from boys at her school. Watching all of the girls around her get "proposed" to is making D sad.

D asked me what's "wrong with" her regarding boys/romance, and to me, she's flawless. The only thing that seems to make sense to me is that she might be intimidating to boys. I've done a few Google searches on this topic, and it appears that studies have shown that men are less attracted to women that are smarter or more ambitious than them.

Do any smart moms (or your daughters) out there have experience with this kind of thing? Was dating harder for you when you were young because you're smart? Do you have any advice for girls like my daughter? I was an average student, but still got no attention from boys because I was shy. D is the opposite...super smart, friendly, cute, and outgoing.
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Replies to: Smart Moms - Was Dating Hard When You Were Younger?

  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
    @calmom since I'm not at the school when she interacts with the boys, I'm not entirely sure. However, she's told me that she often starts conversations with the boys she likes. She says that she's done just about everything except point-blank tell them that she "likes" them. I've suggested that she just ask the boys out herself, but she's convinced that they will say no, since none have shown interest in her before.
  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
    @momofsenior1 interesting, my D is 5'10". Maybe that complicates things, too.
  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 3,363 Senior Member
    edited September 19
    @hgtvaddict I do think height matters to boys. Especially in the early years of HS before the boys have hit their growth spurts.
  • abasketabasket Registered User Posts: 18,486 Senior Member
    Can she just ask a guy friend to go ?

    I so never worried about if my kids "dated" in high school. Homecoming is one night - half the people that go together that night will probably never go out on a date again!

    If someone doesn't want to spend time with your D because she is smart they aren't worth hanging with!

  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 3,363 Senior Member
    Totally as an aside, my daughter had a blast at prom and most of the guy friends that paired up with dates ended up ditching them to hang with my daughter and their bigger friend group. Awful for the dates but illustrates that you don't need one to have fun!
  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
    @abasket I wish she would! She has lots of great guy friends. However, the homecoming proposals here are just outrageous, and pretty much reserved for people who have romantic interest in each other. I think these proposals have ruined homecoming for a lot of shy kids or those who just want to go as friends. If the girl or boy says "no," it's a public spectacle.
  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
    @momofsenior1 thanks for the great story! D will definitely be going to the dance, since she's on the student council dance committee. Hopefully something similar will happen to her.
  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
  • yourmommayourmomma Registered User Posts: 995 Member
    So a couple of things. What does she do to socialize outside of school? In my kid's case, especially when younger, it was mostly groups and they would meet up wherever (usually start at the Football/Basketball game). Being away from school can let "kids be kids" and not focus on academics so much. The boys can see another side of her. Remember boys will be "cool" and aloof in front of their friends. Try to engage them one on one. Second, opposites attract.
  • hgtvaddicthgtvaddict Registered User Posts: 56 Junior Member
    edited September 19
    @yourmomma her friend group does a lot of regular kid stuff outside of school...goes to the movies, mini golf, out to dinner, shopping, etc. The group is a good mix of boys and girls. Funny you mention opposites attract - her only boyfriend ever was the complete opposite of her - hated school, lived and breathed sports and didn't have a care in the world. She eventually broke up with him because they had nothing in common.
  • dentmom4dentmom4 Registered User Posts: 1,077 Senior Member
    Have her let her friends know she would like a date to homecoming, or a just a guy who would like to go. Ask them to put out feelers to their dates. She can also ask a male acquaintance ; for example: Hey, Jay, I’d really like to go to homecoming, but I don’t have a date. Want to go together as friends? Or, there is probably a group of girls going together that she may know and she can tag along with them. My smart, tall girls had the same troubles and neither dated much in high school at all. They did on occasion ask a boy to be their escort because they wanted to go. Boys often worry about being turned down, also, and may hesitate to ask a girl.

    D2 was asked to the senior prom very simply: walking to a class with a boy she knew from band, he says: hey D2, are you going to the prom? She says, well, just with “her group”. He says: oh. Want to go with me? Easy-peasy. She said yes. That may work for your D.

    Our school hosts a Sadie Hawkins dance in the winter—girls ask boys, though not as elaborate as homecoming/prom.
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