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Have you ever "not been believed"?

sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 6,589 Senior Member
I don't know what to title this thread, but my question springs off the whole Assault thread/Kavanaugh discussion. While my story is not one of assault, but one of discrimination, it also ends with my not being believed and being vilified by those who were responsible for addressing the actions of the accused. (Or at the least, they "claimed" not to believe it.) The feelings of frustration and helplessness I felt then are revived with every new incident where the purported victim is vilified, often without much of a hearing out.

So, fellow CC forumites - have you been in a situation, an important situation, where you were the one being dismissed and vilified rather than the one judging the truth of someone else's statements?

Replies to: Have you ever "not been believed"?

  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 6,589 Senior Member
    Ugh, even worse when it's your own parents who don't seem or want to believe you. That must have been true in so many of these priest abuse cases.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 35,370 Senior Member
    Yup. My 4th grade teacher thought I cheated on a reading test because I scored on the 12th grade level. He hauled me to the principle’s office. She, to be fair, took a neutral stance. But I had to spend the rest of the year in his classroom under his thumb, and he made my life miserable. Did a jig many years later when I heard he died.
  • busdriver11busdriver11 Registered User Posts: 14,935 Senior Member
    I can't think of a time when I haven't been believed, it's pretty inconceivable to me. However, I am very low drama, don't exaggerate and rarely complain, and I think my family realized early on that if I said something, it was the truth and I was probably minimizing it.

    I also determined pretty early on that I needed to take care of myself (my family is mildly insane), so I was fortunate enough to be able get out of any situation that could have turned bad. The ones that were dicey, I held myself responsible for not avoiding or getting out of them quickly enough.
  • mom2twogirlsmom2twogirls Registered User Posts: 1,930 Senior Member
    Wow. Reading the thread you can see exactly why so many people don’t expect anyone to believe them in these situations and so don’t even bother to report stuff.

    The people who I can depend on have always believed me when I’ve told them something.
  • FallGirlFallGirl Registered User Posts: 7,873 Senior Member
    The stories here break my heart and make me angry at the same time.

    Thankfully I was not sexually assaulted, but when I was beginning a career my competency was questioned all the time.
    "Are you sure" that number is correct? Yes, I was sure, I checked it, It was as if a young woman could not possibly be right.
  • busdriver11busdriver11 Registered User Posts: 14,935 Senior Member
    I know what you mean, @FallGirl. It is particularly awful when people aren't believing traumatic stories from young kids. And if your parent won't believe you, who will?
  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 22,307 Senior Member
    My 3 year old accused her older sister (8 yr old) of heating her. I was very mad at the 8 yr old, even though she kept on denying it. It wasn't until she said to me, "Mommy, do you really think I would hit her?" that really got me thinking. D1 at the age had lied to me from time to time, so I assumed she was also lying about not hitting her sister, but in my heart I knew she would never hurt her sister. I then turned around to look at D2 to see her putting her head down. I am glad I chose to believe D1.
    I've had been accused of doing something at work that I didn't do. It was hard to prove because of he said/she said. Even though at end my employer believed I didn't do what I was accused of, but the damage was done. I couldn't continue to work for them. In my case, I wish there was more of investigation done.
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