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Parenting, what value or habit did you instill in your offspring that has had surprising payback?

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Replies to: Parenting, what value or habit did you instill in your offspring that has had surprising payback?

  • HImomHImom Registered User Posts: 34,238 Senior Member
    We love the great outdoors and have taken our kids to many national parks. They also love national parks and S has taken up rock climbing.

  • NEPatsGirlNEPatsGirl Registered User Posts: 2,950 Senior Member
    Everyone is fighting their own battle even if you can't see it, be kind.

    Hard work pays off. Hopefully the payback will be my kids helping me financially as I get older because my so-called retirement fund is melting away.

    @intparent just the other day my D says "I had no idea you didn't have to pay the balance in full on a charge card, I always wondered why it said minimum payment" LOL, yes this is the straight A, 4.0 math/cs major about to graduate. Apparently when I agreed that she could get the Capital One card for college students I told her you have to pay in full every month and she never questioned it. Can you say book brilliant, zero common sense?
  • CreeklandCreekland Registered User Posts: 5,637 Senior Member
    Payback? That's easy! Anything dealing with technology. Med school lad is a treasure trove of info health-wise when something is "wrong." My "green" permaculture farming lad is similar with staying healthy to begin with. His self-grown oyster mushrooms are delicious. Then there are herbs, etc, straight from the plant to the cookpot.
  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff Registered User Posts: 3,162 Senior Member
    @nepatsgirl. Just stopped laughing. Both our college kids have credit /debit cards. They both sat down with our very young looking banker and she went over how to establish credit the correct way.

    Both kids think it's very stupid to have any balance. My daughter is like "if I don't have the money in my account to pay it off in full then I guess I really don't need it"

    They both would rather debit it then credit it.

    Times are a changing.
  • socaldad2002socaldad2002 Registered User Posts: 1,104 Senior Member
    One piece of advice my wife gives to our kids she actually learned from a professor who said “Being organized is the key to success” and it has worked for her and the kids quite well so far.
  • lvvcsflvvcsf Registered User Posts: 2,331 Senior Member
    All related. Menu planning, cooking and eating family meals as often as possible. We also listen to the classical music station as backround music at dinner. It instilled planning, budgeting, organization, reading all directions and getting everything ready before cooking. The girls not only do this for themselves now, they use these skills in other aspects of their lives. They are far more organized and prepared for their endeavors than I was. They also really value family time and music.
  • HouseChatteHouseChatte Registered User Posts: 496 Member
    The times that felt most like tables-turned payback were when we'd be visiting our sons at school and hear things like "No, don't stay / shop / get off the bus there, it's sketchy," and "Text us when you get to the hotel / airport / home." At least they didn't give us curfews!
  • oldmom4896oldmom4896 Registered User Posts: 4,080 Senior Member
    My DD, who amazingly turned into a grateful adult on the very day she graduated from college, sent me a wonderful card proclaiming that I am her hero. What's just as amazing is that she bought it for $1.00 at Trader Joe's. That's my girl!
  • mathmommathmom Registered User Posts: 32,074 Senior Member
    There's not much that I can say is true for both kids:
    -love of reading (at least of sci fi and fantasy)
    -frugal, including always paying credit card in full
    -voting
    -board game lovers

    I know my younger son has learned this, not sure about the older one, but I did teach them how to apologize. Admit your mistake and offer a plan to make good. Everyone makes mistakes, it's much better to grovel right away.
  • deb922deb922 Registered User Posts: 5,697 Senior Member
    I think that I got really lucky to have great kids. If I had kids who were struggling (and one is with some personal issues but is getting help) and had some really serious issues such as alcoholism or drug abuse, it would be hard for me to tell you that they picked up their values from me. But I’m very blessed to have ended up with 2 adults who are flourishing.

    I really hesitated to post here because I didn’t want to think that their success was due to me!

    But we did make our kids do things sometimes that they didn’t always want to. I think that it’s a good life lesson, that adulthood is not all about finding your bliss and never doing anything you don’t want to. That actually there’s a lot you don’t really want to do but you do it anyways. Because things like paying your rent and paying your bills sometimes require it.
  • gouf78gouf78 Registered User Posts: 7,760 Senior Member
    My kids are my heroes. Really.
    I didn’t do anything personally to make them the people they are today. Their best traits were innate. I’ve learned a lot from them
    What I do lay claim to as a parent and being able to control to some extent was guiding their peer group. We changed schools totally for one and shepherded some friends for the other. Family time (quantity as well as quality)was very important and still is. It’s paid off.
  • Midwest67Midwest67 Registered User Posts: 2,792 Senior Member
    I’d have to ask my kids. They are very different and I struggle to see overlapping traits or anything I might attribute to upbringing.
  • OttermaOtterma Registered User Posts: 1,529 Senior Member
    Before I travel, I make highly detailed packing and to-do lists, and then meticulously check off items as they are packed and done. The final checklist (bags to bring, phone, lights, etc) gets taped to the door so I have to physically move it before leaving.

    From the time he could walk, DS has been helping me pack from the list. He would even add and cross off items if he thought I didn't list the correct toys and books. When he was about seven he declared that he would take over the list for his own carry-on items. Now that he's traveling on his own, he follows the same multi-step list method that I use.
  • great lakes momgreat lakes mom Registered User Posts: 2,991 Senior Member
    Fun to read all the comments! Thanks for sharing.

    The surprise element for me was seeing how something popped up as a strength, and I realize they were exposed to it growing up so of course. But perhaps in opposition to how I was raised, and something carefully cultivated for myself, though I didn't try to emphasize it. At all. Cooking ability is one. All three of mine are innovative and skilled cooks. The emphasis on outdoor activities and gardening is another. One is trying to make a career working with botanical gardens and habitat restoration. My interest in languages, but non fluency has morphed into higher level working facility in multiple languages for two of mine and the other gets by in multiple languages. One taking it to a higher level as a HS and now university level language teacher.

    I tried to emphasize other things, involvement with classical music or folk music, literature, politics, and they are vaguely interested but not where their time or energy goes. I find the process fascinating as it develops over time, and not as anticipated.
  • mom60mom60 Registered User Posts: 8,206 Senior Member
    I’m enjoying all the shares.
    I have three kids and they vary in what habits they have picked up.
    Something all three do without question is pay their credit card bill in full.
    All three value being with family and have looked for mates who value family.
    Two of my kids picked up my love of cooking. One D doesn’t cook at all. My youngest picked up my love of grocery stores and farmers markets. We both love to go to markets when we travel. All three do value sitting down to dinner with family or SO.
    I read to my kids every night growing up. We also spent a lot of time at the library. My two girls love to read and love bookstores and libraries. My S not all all.
    Two out of three have picked up always being prompt. This is a strength but also a curse as they stress about being on time.
    My oldest has picked up some habits from my H that are not bad but not good. H and one D are extremely routine oriented. They both like things to happen at the same time each day and have a hard time being spontaneous. Both are aware of what t and trying to work on it. They both are obsessive with their exercise habits. The both also are very careful about what they eat. They both hate to have to drive anywhere that takes them longer than 15 minutes. The biggest habit my D picked up is the reluctance to spend money. While it can be a good thing to save it can also go the other way. My D and H do have the ability to laugh at themselves.
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