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How do you deal with overnight guests when there is not room for all?

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Replies to: How do you deal with overnight guests when there is not room for all?

  • NJresNJres 5999 replies189 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    We had guests - a couple and their 2 daughters - and my wife said it would simply be too crowded and impractical for them all to stay with us, so we put them up at a very nearby hotel, actually got them a 2 room suite. It worked out well. My mother (who of course is my wife's MIL) always stays with us when she visits, and spends more time with us than my siblings because our guest accommodations are better and we are not working so can spend more time with her. But she would have priority and the guest room even if both sons were home.
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  • mom60mom60 7828 replies504 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    This got me 🤔 as we stay with my D and her now H when we visit them. We used to go to a nearby motel but about a year ago my at the time future Son in law went out and bought a bed for their extra bedroom so we wouldn’t have to go to a hotel. I ask my D a few days ago with this thread in mind if they would prefer we not stay. She assured me that they were happy for us to stay. I try to be helpful and to keep my opinions to myself. Son in law does come from a family who practice the crowd everyone in to the available space. Drives my D crazy as she needs space to decompress. They stay with us when they come here. We recently had them visit and I cherish the time when she comes up to my room in the morning and we lay on my bed talking. We have plenty of room since we have not downsized.
    When we moved into our present house we have a room that is separate from most of the house, it has its own bath. My Mom always called it her room. My nieces and nephews still call it GRANDMA’s room when they come visit. Even though my Mom is long gone.
    My other kids,and my in-laws all live close enough that they come for the day.
    While we don’t mind overnight company we rarely stay with friends when we travel. We have a trip planned where we will stay with a friend of my husband. It’s very unlike my H to plan something like this. We usually prefer to have our own space to retreat to.
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  • maya54maya54 2119 replies88 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Here’s what used to happen to me when I’m a guest in someone’s home: no sleep on uncomfortable sofa bed or air mattress. Miserable the entire stay based on lack of sleep. Anxious about not taking too much time in someone’s bathroom. Eventually vowed never to stay at anyone’s home. Heck I’m also very very picky about hotels. Having a bad bed or a crummy bathroom absolutely ruins a trip for me. I’m a homebody by nature and if it isn’t at least as nice as my home I just prefer to stay put.
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  • HoggirlHoggirl 1681 replies196 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @maya54

    I hadn’t really thought about the amount of time in the bathroom situation. At least our condo offers two en suite bathrooms with each of the bedrooms. Though precious little counter space around the sink.

    I sort of wonder how much of people’s mindsets and perceptions have to do with their family size. Dh only has the one sister. I have one son and she and her husband have one daughter. I am an only. Mil is one of six, but fil was an only. So the majority of us have small families of origin. I have two cousins and THEY are both onlies. None of us grew up having to fight over bathroom time, sleep on sofas or on the floor when company came to visit. I think this is part of the reason the idea of just putting ds on the sofa and having him share a bathroom with either us or mil is unappealing to me - it isn’t something that ANY of us (except maybe mil growing up) have any experience with. I think this makes it outside of my comfort zone.
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  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn 38089 replies2086 threadsSuper Moderator Super Moderator
    Well, we survived 19 guests one summer - a bunch of kids and a few adult leaders with a volunteer organization. We did OK, although our well ran dry! It recharged pretty quickly.
    One Thanksgiving, we had about fifteen people stay for a few days. That was tough, because some of the guests were friends of relatives and let's just say, a little quirky.
    I want to keep our big house as long as possible, in the hopes the kids will visit with their significant others (not sure if there will be any grandchildren, sigh).
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  • eyemamomeyemamom 5421 replies79 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I also agree the senior citizen gets the room. I think there is something to how many you were raised with. Big families operate differently than smaller families. Seems there is less tolerance for personal space in large families.
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  • LizardlyLizardly 2505 replies11 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    This is a thought provoking thread. I don't like being a guest and only like to host close family---kids, my sibs, and my parents---but will host others. My in laws used to love to host us on their lousy, uncomfortable beds and feed us their odd food (MIL had all kinds of food restrictions which we all got to share in). The house was small so we were always tripping over each other, especially when the kids were thrown in. No thank you, give me a hotel.
    My folks had a big house and looser food rules, so we stayed with them and I enjoyed it. (Yes, there is a lot of bias in this statement, too.) Now the big house has been sold, the folks are in a small apartment, and we all stay in a hotel, a very close by one, half a mile, so walkable. I scoped out the hotel and try to get us all to stay in the same place. We can hang out in the lobby.
    I absolutely understand your feelings, Hoggirl. I am sorry circumstances conspire to put your MIL first.
    The idea of renting an AirBnB for the holidays is inspired. I really like that idea. We have a good sized house now, room for kids and spouses, but will we always? And will we be able to handle grands and in laws? I will file that away for the future.
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  • HouseChatteHouseChatte 641 replies1 threadsRegistered User Member
    @Lizardly we've got food restrictions due to life-threatening allergies several people in our family suffer. We just won't have allergens in the house, but it's disclosed upfront and no hard feelings if people decide to stay or eat somewhere else.

    My mother thought she could push the issue when she lived with us for a couple of years (and she was familiar with the restrictions, which had been in place for years, had agreed to them before coming here). I took her out to restaurants but held my ground about what came in the door. It's possibly one of the reasons she moved to her own apartment.

    That said, if you're pressured to stay and share all your meals? Ugh -- sympathies!
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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 22649 replies15 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Maybe it is what you are used to. I have 5 siblings and we shared one bathroom growing up. When we (my 2 kids and I) moved to California and lived in what I felt was a roomy 3 bedroom, my siblings all felt obligated to visit all the time. We lived there 18 months and I counted my brother's visit @ 18 (not evenly spaced, so sometimes twice in the same month). He had his own air mattress, and his own spot in the living room.

    We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant and the owner asked "Where the Big Boys?" We went there so often with my brothers he thought they lived with me.
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  • MAmom111MAmom111 127 replies9 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    I know you have a sofa bed in the room but what about putting two twin beds in the room instead? Then your son and his grandmother would both get a bed. Or if people feel like gender is an issue (which I don’t believe it should be as she is his grandmother), perhaps he could bunk with his dad and you could share a room with your MIL. Seems like it would only be for a few nights and you could still use your room as a retreat.

    Personally, I don’t like staying at other people’s houses and we only do it for an occasional night. I will however stay at my sister’s cottage and I’ll sleep wherever I am assigned depending on how many people are staying. Sometimes I bunk with my kids and sometimes I get my own room, but since it’s all family, I don’t really care where I end up. We also own a vacation condo and I don’t mind hosting people. People have always been very gracious about sleeping arrangements and sometimes we’ve had to be pretty creative to fit everyone.
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  • wis75wis75 14012 replies62 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Even a place more than twice the size is likely not suitable for several long term guests. You downsized for YOU, not long term guests. We have a guest bedroom with a queen sized bed. When tiny MIL is here she comes for weeks (delightful lady)and uses the guest BR. Son comes once a year, he has purposely overlapped with his grandma to see her. We have double high twin and queen air mattresses and MIL prefers the twin one to the queen bed. The only problem is that we put it in H's study, in front of the closet with the filing cabinet et al- need to shove it aside and avoid that room when she sleeps/naps there.

    For you I would suggest having son use an air mattress for the overlap period as he is younger. It may occupy the living room- he will need to get up when the others are about. He will be best able to visit everyone at those odd moments and not need to travel. So many spontaneous conversations occur at late/early hours.

    You can consider a bed with a trundle if you replace that sofa bed for the same footprint as bunk beds. You presumably found your forever home for retirement. You are at the stage in life where you don't need extra space for occassional visitors. If anyone chooses to they can go to a hotel. However, I'm willing to bet son wouldn't mind an air mattress to be with everyone all the time.
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  • HoggirlHoggirl 1681 replies196 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @MAmom111 - Twin beds would work well except that dh and I need the space in the room for exercising, music practice, etc when we don’t have guests. Two twins would take up more square footage of floor space than the sofa does when folded up.. And, funny, but our friends in the building used to have two twins in their guest bedroom, but once all their adult children married, they all requested a bed where they could sleep with their spouse when they came to visit them. So replacing with twin beds now might necessitate replacing *those* if and when ds ever marries.

    I would have no issue sleeping with mil, but she will not share a bed (not even a king-sized) with anyone. She travels with a mutual friend, and mutual friend says she just won’t do it. Also won’t sleep with her own daughter (my sil) as she said if the two of them came down here to visit together, they would have to get a different place to stay.

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  • HoggirlHoggirl 1681 replies196 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    wis75 wrote: »
    You can consider a bed with a trundle if you replace that sofa bed for the same footprint as bunk beds. You presumably found your forever home for retirement. You are at the stage in life where you don't need extra space for occassional visitors. If anyone chooses to they can go to a hotel. However, I'm willing to bet son wouldn't mind an air mattress to be with everyone all the time.

    I think those are usually hard as heck to make up, but that probably would have been the smarter move. I will probably consider that if we stay here indefinitely.

    I agree with you wholeheartedly. We have space that works great for shorter visits - long weekends are perfect. As I wrote before, we had two sets of visitors that opted NOT to stay with us. One couple because they never stay with anyone, and my cousin and her husband because her size necessitates a king-sized bed.

    Yes, the idea was downsizing for retirement. Our place is absolutely PERFECT for just the two of us. I hate cleaning, and, although I know others feel differently, I don’t want to clean, heat, cool, insure, and otherwise maintain more space than the two of us need.

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  • LizardlyLizardly 2505 replies11 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @HouseChatte Nothing life threatening, she was a food faddist. Like she went off all fat and so banned butter and most cheeses, then went off sugar and made these awful sugarless fat-less desserts. None for her, none for any of us. And sorry to say, fresh fruits and veggies were not added in place of the fat and sugar.

    I did home home ten pounds lighter after every visit.
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  • HouseChatteHouseChatte 641 replies1 threadsRegistered User Member
    @Lizardly LOL banning butter and cheese would sound the death knell of a relationship for me! Sounds like the circumstances make for better stories than visits. DH and I eat minimal carbs, but you'd better believe I'm baking when I have guests who can enjoy them; scones, GF breads (extended family members with celiac), cakes, baguettes, pizzas from scratch, are all on the menu.

    @Hoggirl in light of what sounds like a lack of nearby lodging, either hotel or Airbnb, might it be worth eating the entire month of a rental in your development? I don't know how much it would cost or what your resources are, I'm just thinking of our situation visiting DS2 where five nights in the nearby hotel is almost their monthly rent. That's what made me wonder if it might not be an option.
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  • HoggirlHoggirl 1681 replies196 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited July 21
    @HouseChatte - no, there is plenty of nearby lodging. Tons of condos. Just not hotels. Can definitely rent a condo for the four nights or so ds will be here (IF he is even able to come) for less than a place in our building for 30 days. But, I appreciate the idea.

    I’m still hopeful we can use or friends’ place as overflow (they will be using ours as overflow for their family at Christmastime), but if we cannot, we will rent a spot for ds. It’ll be fine. :)
    edited July 21
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  • mamommamom 3665 replies24 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    We haven't downsized yet, from a 4B, 3bath house, but if we did, there would be 3B. And the 2 extra bedrooms are for the kids and their future spouses and family. When the kids are coming, we would look for other accommodations for anyone else looking to stay. Although, I imagine, the kids and their respective families might like a place of their own. Who knows. I do have a cousin coming to stay for 5 nights this week and it is a PITA. H is away on work travel and 19yo and 26yo kids do not want to have to "entertain", but they will if I am not home. I have decided to give up my bedroom w/bath to cousin. She has mobility issues and it will allow her to stay on 1st floor. But, I have to sleep in spare bedroom, which is now S's "mancave". And use the kids bathroom, yikes. While I love company, and cousin is a 2X a year visitor, I am not really into this visit because I am losing my bedroom and bath. Oh well, I can deal with 5 days. But, to answer your question, my kids and their potential families will always take priority over any other relative. Of course, my kids would probably give up their space for MIL or FIL, just because that is how they were raised.
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  • oregon101oregon101 5491 replies136 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    OP. I am sorry you were talked out of the murphy bed. They are pretty expensive but leave the room available for other activities. When we built we had one put in our "music" room. LOL right now we have that queen, S's queen (the official guest room) and what we call our G's sons room with a twin daybed that could take a trundle. So we could sleep 5 extra people tonight.
    Planning to move in the next year. Some of the sofa's have memory foam pull outs.
    So this is an interesting discussion. Expensive pull out or a murphy bed in our future?
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