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Another retirement thread...........why leave?

VaBluebirdVaBluebird 3455 replies245 threads Senior Member
edited February 26 in Parent Cafe
Why do you feel the need to leave everything you know? All your friends?
edited February 26
51 replies
Post edited by vonlost on
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Replies to: Another retirement thread...........why leave?

  • mathmommathmom 32910 replies160 threads Senior Member
    My feelings exactly! I love our neighborhood. We are pretty convenient to NYC. My plan is to stay here. We'd probably move to an apartment downtown when the yard or the stairs get to be too much. (Or we could just hire more help and put one of those chair things on the stairs.)

    I do know why my parents ended up moving. My parents ended up in Lexington, VA for a second after retirement job. (So we aren't talking lifelong friends in any event.) It was a great place for them when they were in their 60's. But then their friends started moving out, or dying, and they realized that they weren't seeing as much of their grandchildren as they would if they weren't a seven+ hour drive from the closest one (me) my brother's are both three+ hours north of me. So they moved to the same town as my brother, an hour's drive from my mother's sister and less than four hours from me which was a huge improvement. My brother plugged them into their network of friends pretty quickly.
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  • rickle1rickle1 2425 replies21 threads Senior Member
    We want to be in NC or VA (live in FL) but we have so many good friends in FL that I can't see just up and leaving. Maybe have a small place in both.
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  • FlyMeToTheMoonFlyMeToTheMoon 3113 replies45 threads Senior Member
    This is what it comes down to for us. Yes, the climate might be better, and maybe the area would be more politically aligned with our views, but we would have to start all over again, making friends and carving out a life for ourselves. We will stay here.
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  • mominvamominva 3124 replies36 threads Senior Member
    I remember years ago, when my kids were in HS, a friend asked where my husband and I were considering moving to when we retired. We were stunned by the question as we are in a great area for culture, ethnic food, transportation and we couldn't wait to have much free time to take advantage of all that the area offered. Sadly, my husband passed away before he retired, but now that I am retired, I am making the most of this vibrant location.

    My oldest and the only grandchild are on the opposite coast, but the 2 younger ones are in my town. My dad, sibs and MIL also live on this coast. I don't anticipate relocating, but might do the rent for longer stays near the grandchild at some point.
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  • SingswimsewSingswimsew 43 replies1 threads Junior Member
    We have so many communities here that we can't imagine leaving. Both kids live in town, we love our neighbors, we are both involved in various activities. Our house is pretty small so downsizing would be pretty hard. It's possible the stairs will be too much for one or both of us eventually but we'll figure that out when we get there. BTW, it's said of our location, "No mountain, no ocean, no problem." Maybe do a month somewhere now and then but for the most part we're happy where we are.
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  • katliamomkatliamom 13346 replies169 threads Senior Member
    We'd move to an area where we went to college and still know a fair amount of people. It has water and a mild climate which can't be said of our current home. I agree that leaving everything you know to start in a totally new and unknown place sounds problematic.
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  • musicmommusicmom 2470 replies89 threads Senior Member
    edited February 26
    We did relocate when I retired last year. Our new smaller home is about 6 miles from our longtime family home where children grew up.

    We have no intention of moving again. Downsizing solved our financial goals, no mortgage, much lower property taxes.
    But we're still less than 30 minutes to both children who are settled.

    We can still connect with friends from old neighborhood, and new neighbors in lake community are really great too.
    We have been so fortunate and hope we are given time to enjoy this new phase of life.

    Now if I can get DH to remember the garbage/recycle pickup schedule here life would be perfect.🌈
    edited February 26
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  • deb922deb922 6055 replies201 threads Senior Member
    My parents moved to an area more temperate than where we grew up. My in laws stayed in the town they have always lived in.

    Plus and minuses to both plans.

    My parents moved away from family and that was not what my mom wanted. But they moved into a community that while not a retirement community, has a lot of retirees. The community has a ton of activities set up for people moving in. My dad passed away 7 years ago and my mom has a life there that she wouldn’t have had Lots of people where she is, lots of activities, and lots of support because most people don’t have family around. The weather is good most of the year.

    My in-laws on the other hand stayed in their town. It was great when they were younger retirees. Their other son was very close, they took care of those grandchildren often. But now in their 80’s, things have changed. So many of their friends have moved away or died. The grandchildren grew up and moved away. Their son and his wife are traveling often and living their best empty nest life. My mil is friends with her neighbor and has a few groups but the weather is cold and snowy in the winter.

    My in-laws have stayed in their house, they hire things out now. If you can hire out, it seems to be cheaper than moving to a new condo. We sil’s parents did that, they live in the same city as il’s. Beside moving costs and getting rid of much of their stuff. Their taxes doubled, their association costs are high. But they love where they live and were not happy with the workmanship of stuff they hired out.

    We are staying where we are at least in early retirement. We have a nice neighborhood with lots of activity and good neighbors. Our kids don’t live close to each other. Or us. In an area that we have no desire to live in. And more expensive than where we are now. Things may change but that’s the plan right now.
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  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 9239 replies93 threads Senior Member
    We are finally in a location we love. I don’t see leaving after retirement either.

    My parents entire friend group were snow birds, to the same spot in FL, and many of them ended up moving full time after retirement. Not just for climate advantages, but for the big drop in cost of living.
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  • FallGirlFallGirl 8300 replies28 threads Senior Member
    We have lived in the DC suburbs for 35+ years and love it. But we are leaving in a few years.
    Number one reason is that our kids are not/don't plan to be here. D and SIL live in a major midwestern city and are planning to settle there. They also plan to have a family. We raised our own family 800 miles away from grandparents, etc. and don't want to repeat that. S is currently living abroad and single but like us, he likes the city D lives in. Ultimately we hope to all live there. I want to live near my kids.

    As for my friends...at least half of our good friends have already relocated or plan to in the next few years.
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  • Coun2316Coun2316 122 replies5 threads Junior Member
    I'm with you... but every year the Minnesota winters are harder to take. Now I understand why people winter in a warm climate, which we will probably end up doing.
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  • garlandgarland 16246 replies204 threads Senior Member
    We live half time in the eventual retirement spot. We have friends and relatives there, and it's only three hours or less by car from where we are now. Both kids still live in older area, but grew up vacationing where we will be eventually, so I know they will visit often, and it's close enough to run back even for a day trip for a grandchild event of any kind.

    The why is the area we brought the kids in is very urban which I like in a lot of ways, but makes me feel landlocked. I grew up nearer to the beaches and want to get back to that. Also, as others have said, many friends have moved away in any case. I have friends all over the state from high school and other reasons, so I don't need to stay for the social life. And people love to visit where we are going.

    I think we''ll have the best of both worlds--somewhat warmer, more nature, but not far from kids' families. (The only drawback for me was that I did not realize how much I don't fit in politically in new area, but have worked hard to find the other exceptions!)
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  • ChaosParent23ChaosParent23 682 replies39 threads Member
    Same as @milgymfam as a military family, the options were endless for DH's first retirement. His family is in the northeast, mine is in the upper midwest... but we're not particularly close w/ either side, so that wasn't a consideration. DH's friends are literally scattered to the 4 corners, and I don't have any.
    So we went where we wanted! And it just so happened the best job option was where we wanted to be. Worked out perfectly. I do think we'll stay here for DH's 2nd retirement, but I seriously doubt we'll stay in the same house. We'll probably just downsize in the same relative location.
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  • EmpireappleEmpireapple 2089 replies27 threads Senior Member
    I would love to be able to stay in our home in NYS but the property taxes are so high I can't imagine that we will be able to. So I think we will have to choose a lower tax state in which to move (hopefully not far from at least one kid).

    With that being said if I could stay in NY I'd love to be able to go south Jan-March. The rest of the year is wonderful here. Winter is beautiful too but the cold and damp can get a little long.
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  • frazzled1frazzled1 5590 replies246 threads Senior Member
    edited February 26
    Well said, @kiddie. You’ve described exactly how I feel. We look forward to exploring a new community. We don’t live in what you might call a cultural hotspot, and I’m tired of that.

    But the two primary reasons we can’t wait to move in retirement (this year, we hope) are: our children and grandchildren live several hours away, and the weather is reliably bad from November through March. Not just snow - there’s no sun most of the time. I don’t like feeling like I live in a cave from fall through early spring.

    Our kids enjoy having us around to help with our grandkids, and we love doing it. For us, that alone is reason to pack up and get out.
    edited February 26
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  • thumper1thumper1 77215 replies3434 threads Senior Member
    Why move? Well...most of the good friends we have here have already relocated. We don’t have family near here at all, and we are tired of the long winters. We also don’t need this big house, and getting something smaller in this state would cost us more than what we could sell for.

    When DH retires, this will become a much more serious conversation!
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