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Husband cheats with school teacher

barronsbarrons Registered User Posts: 24,577 Senior Member
edited August 2010 in Parent Cafe
Not a teacher of their kid. Amy says go tell the Principal. Sounds like a good way to get sued as the teacher was not in direct contact with the kid. Maybe she should quietly find another school and move on. This is not 1600's New England. Thoughts?

Ask Amy advice on emotional affair - chicagotribune.com
Post edited by barrons on

Replies to: Husband cheats with school teacher

  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Registered User Posts: 35,861 Senior Member
    Don't most schools/companies have ethical standards for their employees?

    Students can be kicked off school sports teams & or pulled out of EC's for things they do off school grounds.

    They fire teachers for unethical behavior all the time, they even fire teachers for behaving against district policy but for the rights of the student. Such as when a teacher was fired when she objected to an autistic boy being paddled.

    Many states have moral clauses in teacher contracts. Teachers have been fired for being pregnant and unmarried ( but our district hired a superintendent whose past personal history included that same situation when she was superintendent of another district)
    & while I would not make that case under all circumstances, one instance of an error in judgement is often accompanied by many more- as it has been with our superintendent. ( well not really bad judgement- since she knows what she is doing- she just doesn't care)

    Teachers have also been fired for drinking alcohol in public, so I would guess that for a married teacher to be having an affair with a married adult with a child in the school where she teaches ( although that is really irrelevant- because the affair is enough), would be enough for grounds for dismissal.
  • mafoolmafool Registered User Posts: 6,453 Senior Member
    The letter writer says it is and "emotional affair," which would indicate that there is not a physical/sexual component.

    I'm not sure that any ethics clauses could be invoked for emails and phone calls, but I don't really know!
  • sryrstresssryrstress Registered User Posts: 2,354 Senior Member
    I think most teacher contracts include an "ethics" clause. At least in my state, I do not think they get fired very much at all for ethical reasons. (excluding illegal activity with students). Our major state newspaper did a series on all the teacher transgressions that were covered up and where school districts let people move on without anything on record. I don't think teachers get fired much at all for any reason once they have tenure.

    A few years ago two of our HS teachers began an affair and both got a divorce from their respective spouses. I don't think kids should be all over each other in the hallways, but neither do I think it's appropriate for teachers--esp. when they are married to other people!

    Due to our school's size, all students had to have both of these teachers. The kids were all well aware of what was happening. IMO, this was not conducive to an appropriate educational setting. I tried to use it as a teaching experience for my kids, but parents, and students, should not have been put in that position.
  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 Registered User Posts: 35,861 Senior Member
    Since the two people involved were not only in the same state, but same building, I don't believe protests that it was " only" emotional.
    Besides, I also feel that emotional is more of a betrayal than " only" physical.
  • mafoolmafool Registered User Posts: 6,453 Senior Member
    Doesn't really matter what "we" believe. We can only go on what was stated in the letter.

    I was just saying that it would be hard to have any kind of an ethics policy that came in to play if a parent and teacher were only emailing and phoning, regardless of the content.
  • younghossyounghoss Registered User Posts: 3,014 Senior Member
    schoolteacher run out of students?
  • JustAMomOf4JustAMomOf4 Registered User Posts: 4,563 Senior Member
    A few years ago two of our HS teachers began an affair and both got a divorce from their respective spouses.
    You would be surprised how often this happens. Having worked in a school, I could top this easily. Our school superintendent went for a walk one Sunday morning in a county park and stumbled upon two 5th grade teachers cozying up on a park bench. Both were married, not to each other. awkwardddddd. The next year they were split up to two different schools.

    The advice is poor, imo. It won't bring her husband back and is vindictive and mean. What if she knew of two doctors having an 'affair' - would she inform the chief of staff? How about two people in her company? Why pick on teachers?
    I can't imagine a boss wanting to get involved in a couple's messy life.
    If the wife doesn't like her husband having an 'emotional' affair and he won't quit then she should leave him.

    Here in PA - ethics normally covers things much more salacious. Like watching pornography during school (yes, it happened) or becoming 'close' with your third grade student and stalk her until middle school, getting your teaching assignment changed to be 'with' her and having sex with her (i.e. sexually assaulting) when she is 13 years old. Yes, this happened too and he is in jail.
  • barronsbarrons Registered User Posts: 24,577 Senior Member
    I think you are confusing morals and ethics. Except as it pertains to student contact I don't think schools have the right to determine morals anymore.
  • speiheispeihei Registered User Posts: 365 Member
    I don't know what an "emotional affair" is. Made up and undefined terms that could mean so many different things to different people are hardly a basis to form an opinion.
  • HannaHanna Registered User Posts: 14,203 Senior Member
    "I don't believe protests that it was " only" emotional."

    I wouldn't believe it if it were coming from the husband, but it's not. It's the wronged wife who states that it was only emotional. Someone feeling hurt enough to compile a paper trail of the affair and contemplate sending it to the other woman's boss and husband has every incentive to impute worse behavior to her spouse, so my guess is that she really believes it didn't get physical. His side of the story is probably that they're just buddies.

    Since their child wasn't involved, I wouldn't think this is the school's business even if the teacher and husband eloped together. Where they were merely sending texts and emails that the wife feels crossed a line...hell no. Amy is way off base.
  • MommaJMommaJ Registered User Posts: 5,638 Senior Member
    I was surprised at Amy's answer, too. The wife's real grievance is with her husband, not with the teacher. I think she has plenty on her hands addressing the condition of her marriage and her relationship with her spouse and shouldn't waste time tattling. (I have now admitted sort of publicly that I read "Ask Amy". Yikes.)
  • O2B@CO2B@C Registered User Posts: 156 Junior Member
    Sometime back in the late 90's at certain Seattle elementary school (NW neighborhood), the PTO president had an affair with the uber-popular male teacher. Since the children of the PTO president (a mom) had to attend that school, the administration had the male teacher transferred. Because this guy was so popular with both kids and parents, people were not happy with the PTO president.

    If it impacts the children, something should be done.
  • soozievtsoozievt Registered User, ! Posts: 31,288 Senior Member
    At our high school, the principal (female, divorced) was having an affair with the married principal of the middle school (but at our school, the middle school and high school are one facility and the high school principal is the boss of the middle school principal). The middle school principal was married to the head of the music department (for both MS and HS). Their son also attended the high school at the time. Everyone knew about it. Eventually, the long marriage of the MS principal and his wife, the music dept. head, ended in divorce. The poor music teacher had to work for the HS principal, her boss, who was having an affair with her husband who also worked for the HS principal.
  • bmanbs2bmanbs2 Registered User Posts: 1,719 Senior Member
    Unless they bumped uglies I don't think you can fire him/her. After all it's rather heterocentric to assume husband can't be gay for teacher.
  • HuntHunt Registered User Posts: 26,851 Senior Member
    I haven't been too impressed with Amy's advice.
This discussion has been closed.