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GUEST STUDENT OF THE WEEK: ak2018 is a rising junior at Virginia Tech having transferred from George Mason University. He'll answer any question, including about his studies abroad or his research at NASA. ASK HIM ANYTHING!
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unhappy child

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Replies to: unhappy child

  • Lafalum84Lafalum84 7382 replies150 threads Senior Member
    3000 miles is a long way away... several time zones.

    That said, my D has two friends on her campus who talked about transferring because they missed their friends from home, who had gone to college much closer to their homes. A couple of days ago (during Christmas break) she received a text from one of them: "I miss college! I miss you and our friends there!" That friend has decided not to transfer after all. She had to be away from campus for 2 weeks to realize how much she really loved her campus and her friends there.

    Maybe being home will help the OP's daughter to realize she likes it there after all.... or maybe it will cement her decision to come back closer to home. If she does, it's not the end of the world. It sounds like she can succeed academically wherever she goes, so if she's not giving up substantial merit money or transferring to a much more expensive college, and she will be happier, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I guess the question is if the OP's daughter will really be happier at another college - is the problem where she is, or is the problem that she has trouble meeting new people?
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  • csfmapcsfmap 510 replies14 threads Member
    I agree with those advising that she return for second semester because many do learn to love where they're at by the end of freshman year. I think the courage to return for second semester might come easier if she knew that, after sticking it out for one more semester, she would have her parent's blessing and support if she decides to transfer for her second year.
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  • idadidad 4849 replies179 threads Senior Member
    Friend's D lasted one semester at a highly regarded private for similar reasons, transferred to a state flagship close to home not ranked in the top 100. She thrived at the new school and is now in graduate school at Harvard.
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  • OlympicLadyOlympicLady 192 replies0 threads Junior Member
    Laf & Csf I think have it more right than wrong. I think it is very common to come home at winter break, ready to tell the folks it's a NO GO, and they are planning a transfer Or come home to local U. About a week into break, the 'rents are driving them crazy, the HS friends are not the "same" and back to school they go, often times loving the second semester of freshman year- and they are on their way.

    Two years ago my nephew was on a family ski trip/holiday gathering at Tahoe with his family and all of mine. I walked into the cabin, started talking and out jumps "Z. have you told your parents you are not going back to "fill in top Uni"? His shock was hilarious, but his mother's reaction was priceless! He sputtered a bit and asked how I knew, and I said that's pretty much how most feel about this time. He said after this past week with family in a cabin/skiing/cabin/games etc. he was now certain he was going back. His mother still can't believe the whole interaction. He is happy as a clam these days.

    Not saying a transfer is not a good idea, maybe encourage a transfer app. and more involvement on campus next semester and let it be. You never know what spring will bring. It only takes one good friend to turn it all around.
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  • wis75wis75 14383 replies65 threads Senior Member
    Another take on things. What about her classes. Does she like the academics? Can she see herself thriving in her major there?
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  • starbrightstarbright 4549 replies111 threads Senior Member
    Another anecdote from a party last night. Friend was telling me how in her first semester, she called home all the time, wanting to go home. Was homesick, made no friends at all, hated it...then in second semester, things just clicked and she had a blast socially. It just took awhile for her to 'take off'. For some it just takes more time.

    And also if you already have someone from back home to hold onto, maybe it can be too easy not to reach out and work at it.
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  • DebrunsDebruns 2689 replies105 threads Senior Member
    I also agree that you don't always take your problems with you school to school. Sometimes it is the school and the vibe there. I've known studnets that were not big party types transfer to a school where they found it easier to meet like-minded people, some loved a smaller, more compact campus.
    My son joined clubs, did workstudy first year, but nothing really clicked until someone asked him a question in the library, they talked, met up later, and a friendship started.
    Sometimes clubs and friends can be very "high school" cliquey on campus, people are friendly, say Hello, but you never do anything together outside of the club. I've found that as an adult also, being friendly and "friends" isn't the same thing, that takes more work.

    One thing I stressed with my kids though, staying in your room wont help, you have to make an effort to get out. I remember two friends tellling me they both were miserable at the same school, but never knew each other then, met a few years later at work. Push yourself beyond your comfort zone a bit and sometimes good things happen.
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  • momma-threemomma-three 2691 replies71 threads Senior Member
    I would also recommend joining an organization that she has some interest in such as Habitat for Humanity, Business Frat, or some type of community service org. When people are involved in something they care about, the world around them seems a little smaller. This is especially true at large elite schools where the rigor of the academics could lend itself to alot of work and less social contact from Sunday to Thursday. She has to think about making a niche somehow in this large school...for my sons it was joining organizations that they viewed as important and worthwhile. Good luck!!! She should think long and hard before leaving the untapped opportunities behind.
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