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Question for you parents


Replies to: Question for you parents

  • greenbuttongreenbutton Registered User Posts: 2,599 Senior Member
    I think everyone with 20somethings post grad has been here, or will be: OP is aware something is amiss, or she wouldn't have posted. But this is where parenting theory meets reality. Yes, we all think we would shoo our 27+ child out of the house, but where do they go if there's not enough money to pay rent? In a practical, ordinary sense, this is a problem. And OP's son does seem to send up several flags -- no social life, no apparent interest in a "real" job, no stickability with jobs that are "here" jobs not "career" jobs, no plan of his own to move out.

    I would write up a contract. I would absolutely charge him rent, but I think it is vital for him to move out and be on his own. That tends to clarify issues and help OP regain her own sanity. So, I would offer to subsidize his elsewhere rent for 6-9 months. If he lives at home, I would put his rent into a savings account and give him 6-9 months to find an apartment of his own. I would make living at home contingent upon having a fulltime (30+ hrs) job of any kind, and keeping it, no excuses barring abject abuse. If he cannot sign this contract, give him a security deposit, a month's rent, and find an apartment now.

    As painful as it is, enabling is not going to help him. Encouraging independance while providing a reasonable safety net may. But in the end, at his age, his choices should be better. An acceptable job at this point would be lots of hours, and minimum wage. To quit because someone else is paid more is not sensible. He seems to be deciding to not decide, and hope is not a strategy.. Best of luck to you both
  • ryhoyarbieryhoyarbie Registered User Posts: 33 Junior Member
    -I'll emphasize something here, he applies to places while he substitute teaches and waits for the state board of pharmacy to change his status he still applies for jobs, albiet low pay. Those places don't want him because he's overqualified, not to mention there are a lot of people who are out of work and can't find a job either. If he was kicked out of the house and onto the streets he'd be homeless and without a job to support himself.

    -To the person who suggested temp agencies, those places are swamped with people who are looking for a job. I know someone who works at a temp agency as a manager and she's said there are just too many people looking for any kind of job and not enough jobs out there.
  • BrooklynborndadBrooklynborndad Registered User Posts: 2,263 Senior Member
    "-I'll emphasize something here, he applies to places while he substitute teaches and waits for the state board of pharmacy to change his status "

    how long is that going to take?

    I am confused. If the status change is happening soon, if theres a good market for Pharm Techs, if he is positive about that direction, Im not sure what the urgency is thats prompting this post.

    If it was me, and my kid, my obsession would be checking out the Pharm tech market, making sure he was up on the best ways to seek employment as a Pharm tech, etc, etc. Heck, Id probably up it a step and research the next steps up for a Pharm tech, etc. I dont think Id be all that concerned about the search for other jobs.

    Theres something going on here that hasnt been said, but Im not sure what it is.
  • MiamiDAPMiamiDAP Registered User Posts: 16,184 Senior Member
    "Theres something going on here that hasnt been said, but Im not sure what it is. "

  • ryhoyarbieryhoyarbie Registered User Posts: 33 Junior Member
    There's nothing going on. He's applying for other jobs because he's read that some people who are certified can only get a job part time for 10-11 dollars an hour or a full time job for that amount of money. He's trying to find another job so he can get some more money. 10 dollars an hour is hardly enough to live off of in 2011.

    It'll take another week or two for the status to change from technician in training to certified.
  • UCDAlum82UCDAlum82 Registered User Posts: 1,084 Senior Member
    I'd sit the adult down and ask where they see themselves in 10 years. Is there a career path for pharmacy technicians that leads to a livable wage? Is there another career that he's looking into that will eventually pay the bills? What is his long term plans for being self sufficient?

    If he truly has no idea how he will ever be able to support himself, I'd suggest he might look into joining the military or something of that ilk. Even a short stint in the military would give him an edge on government jobs when he leaves, not to mention free additional training up to and including grad school. And he may get the self confidence back that these six years have sucked out of him.
  • stradmomstradmom Registered User Posts: 4,879 Senior Member
    Guys, the post history shows that ryhoyarbie is the child, not the parent.

    Plenty of time to surf the net when you're living in the basement.

    And seriously? He eats soup and tv dinners? Mom doesn't include him in the family meals??
  • MarianMarian Registered User Posts: 13,028 Senior Member
    Mom doesn't include him in the family meals??

    Maybe there are no family meals. Sometimes, in households that consist entirely of adults, individuals fend for themselves, especially if their schedules differ.
  • AdvMomAdvMom Registered User Posts: 275 Junior Member
    I don't usually post, but this one is nagging on me. Maybe it is because I had a similar conversation with my daughter earlier this week. She also works part-time at one of the retailers OP has worked at. She is barely scraping by, but she is managing to share an apartment with friends.

    OP has been complaining about this situation on CC since last November. Did you have a career plan when you got the history degree? Had you researched the pharm tech field before you tried to become certified? It seems that now that you are certified you don't want to work as a pharm tech. Nobody is going to hand you a great job. You have to start at the bottom and work your way up. We hire people with degrees to work in our mailroom. I'm sure they feel the work is beneath them, but by doing it, they open themselves up to the possibility of advancement in the company.

    You need a plan. You need to figure out where you want to be in 5-10 years, and then work towards it. It may require going back to school, whether for an advanced degree, a different bachelors degree, or maybe even a two year technical school.

    We parents want to help our kids, but sometimes we need to step back and let them see the consequences of their decisions. Hearing my daughter tell me that all she could afford was ramen noodles was not easy, but I resisted the urge to hand her cash. Because her father and I won't always be there to help her. She has to learn to take care of herself. As does the OP, and by 30, he is way overdue.
  • gator4evergator4ever Registered User Posts: 553 Member
    I dont intend to sound disrespectful to OP. But my son just started as a freshman and has chosen one of the engineering degrees. If he had told me: Dad I want to study history. I would have responded OK well if you want to study history you know your schooling is going to take longer than originally planned. Because you are either going to go to Law school or get your PHD and become a professor.

    A batcherlors degree in history? what was he thinking to do with his degree? maybe his plan was to move into Mom's basement all along.

    Now that the degree is done. I would first of all support him and love him and let him he can always count on myself and his mother. Secondly I would find what he loves to do and then find a way for him to make a living doing it. For example runners can work in gyms, get trained to become a personal trainer, go into sales of sporting goods equipment I would find his niche. Is going to law school an option? I am not talking about Harvard or Yale but maybe a local law school???

    I can tell you one thing. I would not settle for your current situation no way no how.
  • stradmomstradmom Registered User Posts: 4,879 Senior Member
    You know, many people have studied history (and other nonengineering/business subjects) and gone on to live perfectly happy and productive lives outside their parents' basement.
  • gator4evergator4ever Registered User Posts: 553 Member
    Strademom I agree with you. But in these times when companies are cutting back. I believe that a degree in history is not as marketable as one supplemented with a law degree or a graduate degree.

    But this is only my opinion. I guess you feel differently?
  • MarianMarian Registered User Posts: 13,028 Senior Member
    But in these times when companies are cutting back. I believe that a degree in history is not as marketable as one supplemented with a law degree or a graduate degree.

    The individual who is the focus of discussion in this thread chose his major long before the current economic downturn. I don't think we can blame him for failing to predict a recession.
  • stradmomstradmom Registered User Posts: 4,879 Senior Member
    @gator4ever: less marketable, sure. Less valuable? I'd be willing to argue it, but it involves long-term, big-picture issues that are outside the scope of this thread. :)
  • annasdadannasdad Registered User Posts: 4,827 Senior Member
    The problem is not the history degree. The problem is the OP's ennui. Lots of people with degrees that have few direct analogues in the labor market manage to get good jobs, advance, and thrive. My niece (BA English, MA American Studies) took a low-level job with an insurance company, impressed everyone with how competent she was, and the competence coupled with a degree in SOMETHING earned her a job in management.

    Yes, it's hard now - but sitting on one's can and feeling sorry for oneself is not going to solve the problem. And the longer one waits, the harder it will be.
This discussion has been closed.