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Stop me before I stalk again

BrooklynborndadBrooklynborndad Registered User Posts: 2,263 Senior Member
edited September 2011 in Parents Forum
okay, not only is there my DD's Facebook page. RPI class of 2015 has a page. Theres an RPI archie page (which is how I found out about the mentor - mentee pizza party she will attending) and RPI hillel has a page (and each of their events has a page, allowing me to see if my DD is planning on attending, how many others are, etc)

I know these kids have to live their lives online. Do they realize what a temptation this is to the nervous, trying not to helicopter parent?

When we spoke last night, and I asked her about the brunch - it didnt occur to me till later that she had never TOLD me about the brunch. I think she missed that though :)
Post edited by Brooklynborndad on
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Replies to: Stop me before I stalk again

  • blossomblossom Registered User Posts: 8,988 Senior Member
    BBD- pick up the phone- now- and call your local Jewish Family Service or Boys/Girls Club or Federation and volunteer for either Reading Partners or Big Brother's or just to be a mentor to a HS senior who is trying to apply to college without family support. You have so much expertise and energy and love- and I'm sure there is a 17 year old in your neighborhood who would love to have a helicopter parent for the year, or a 7 year old whose parents don't speak English, or a 10 year old who has never visited a public library.

    GO! These kids need you! Your D has been launched and is going to have a fantastic year! Pick up the phone before you stalk again!
  • Classof2015Classof2015 Registered User Posts: 4,343 Senior Member
    blossom -- that is the kindest, nicest, most encouragingly wonderful piece of advice I have ever seen on this site!
  • parent1986parent1986 - Posts: 1,616 Senior Member
    BBD, what you did isn't any different than looking at official college websites. Those Facebook pages could be private if they were meant to be.

    I've never looked at Facebook, but I look at LinkedIn frequently.
  • parent1986parent1986 - Posts: 1,616 Senior Member
    And don't forget Google Plus. Last night my son mentioned his google plus to me which I also have never looked at.
  • lammb66lammb66 Registered User Posts: 459 Member
    It is hard to let them go after being so involved for such a long time. I miss my D1 and am trying hard not to hover. She seems to be adjusting well and is off to a good start. She was really worried to go away to college and now is starting to enjoy herself. I just like to see what she is up to and she hasn't had too much time to keep me updated so I too, as she calls it, is a stalker or creeper. :)
  • nj2011momnj2011mom Registered User Posts: 2,885 Senior Member
    D finally accepted my FB friend request today! I reminded her yesterday she promised years ago that she would once she was at college. From my end, I promised to never post anything to her wall or like anything (unless of course it was appropriate for me to like it).
  • RobDRobD Registered User Posts: 5,061 Senior Member
    That's not stalking BBD! That's showing parental interest ;) Just don't drop those little tidbits in conversation anymore or else she'll limit your access to her profile...
  • emilybeeemilybee Registered User Posts: 12,910 Senior Member
    Stop it! Now!
  • BrooklynborndadBrooklynborndad Registered User Posts: 2,263 Senior Member
    To be honest I think this is first week jitters, mostly, combined with the relative ease of information. We were used to getting very little info last year - DD was in Israel, Nativ posted something maybe once a week or so, we got some calls, texts, emails, and skypes from DD, and her occassional FB updates.

    Now we are getting less direct communications from her (probably a good thing, of course) and there is more at stake. And theres all these tempting info sources. I think we can balance, and gradually let go more. But right now its a little bit difficult.
  • colorado_momcolorado_mom Registered User Posts: 8,632 Senior Member
    Darn... you're allowed on DD's FB... I'm jealous.

    FB could be a good way to reassure yourself that's she's alive and breathing without bothering her. But NEVER post on it. And try not to peek unless really concerned. Otherwise it will be too hard to remember what you learned from FB vs directly from DD.

    Maybe drop a hint to D that regular communication will reduce your temptation to peek at FB.

    Blossom had great advise. I enjoy my Sunday School teacher gig. But alas I've been moved from my regular preK slot to 4th/5th grade BOYS. And this happens to be an particularily bouncy set of boys - I had them in preK and in my 1st grade detour year. It should be interesting ;)
  • Gwen FairfaxGwen Fairfax Registered User Posts: 2,435 Senior Member
    Blossom's advice is wonderful but otherwise-- enjoy! Do you think people put pictures etc up on Facebook because they are seeking privacy? You can't butt in, but we're very lucky to live in an age when we can see snaps of our kids in action even as they grow up and away. 150 years ago, your D would be likely to live in a nearby town all her life. As it is, she can go where she likes and you can still keep in touch. I've just spent a happy year "stalking" my niece as she taught in China. I'm so grateful for FB!
  • parent56parent56 Registered User Posts: 7,658 Senior Member
    coloradomom my son hasnt friended me either! :) he says if i friend request him, he will begrudginly accept but no way will he request it
  • BrooklynborndadBrooklynborndad Registered User Posts: 2,263 Senior Member
    DD's FB has been open to us since she got on in HS, that was a condition of letting her get on (of course by now she is on social network things that we arent) Not only have we posted items of interest to her FB page, but she has posted items of interest on ours. We have also used FB messaging to communicate on occasion. (our main self restraint has been to limit commenting on her posts, except on rare occasions, cause we find when we comment her peers tend to do so less)

    She has never indicated that she minds that we look at her page. But there are new temptations now. The extra sites, and also the temptation to just check out the times she posts as an indication of time management issues.
  • ordinarylivesordinarylives Registered User Posts: 3,018 Senior Member
    You'd be amazed at how much you don't see on FB. Pictures/comments posted by her friends, who are not also your friends, won't show up (depending on the poster's own privacy settings).
  • GA2012MOMGA2012MOM Registered User Posts: 5,440 Senior Member
    BBD, puhleeze...there is no problem in what you are doing. :) I just think it is "being aware" of her activities. However, you need to be a bit more clever. Wait a couple of days before you say a leading question such as, "Gone to any events/parties lately?"

    Trust me, you'll get all the scoop! :)
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