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Depressed about staying close to home

trojaneagletrojaneagle 44 replies18 threads Junior Member
edited July 2012 in Parents Forum
My entire life I dreamed about going somewhere new for college, somewhere far away, potentially the south or California. Living in the suburbs of Boston my entire life and going to school in the city, I recognized that this was one of the best cities in the nation and also one of the best to go to school in. I sort of got tired of this city however, and looked for a new beggining. I envied everything there was to going far awat to school: getting home sick, flying to and from you school, experiencing the holiday rush at the airports, packing up your entire life into suitcases, and even the Facebook posts about leaving home. This all came to a quick realization when I discovered that I would be attending Boston College's Carroll School of Management, one of the premier business schools in the country.

I will say that I am extremely fortunate of getting into that school, even more so of receiving a great financial aid package, but I'm suddenly realizing that my dream and my thoughts about going away to school are all coming to an end. I got accepted into UCLA, but could not attend due to finances and since I come from a low income family. I also got into other schools in other parts of the country, but coming from an elite prep school, I was not willing to sacrifice prestige and academics for the excitement of going away to school. I'm just sad, and almost depressed that I will be going to school 20 minutes away. It did not make me feel better when during orientation kids from all over the country were excited and amazed by the new adventures that they would experience. They were talking about faneuil hall, fenway park, back bay, and all the parts of Boston that just seemed old to me. I looked into their eyes with envy. I wanted that. We all shared the same thing, yet I felt like we would be receiving different experiences in college.

I feel like this is just the beggining. I go to this great business school, then at 22 get sucked up into the finance sector of Boston or New York, then find a girlfriend and stay local. I've been thinking all these negative thoughts, and I just find it to be pathetic and sad. I mean, I should be ecstatic about going to college but I'm not. I'm already thinking about transferring and I haven't moved in yet. The problem is that BC is a top 30 school, and it's really hard to beat that and get into a better school that's somewhere new.
edited July 2012
30 replies
Post edited by trojaneagle on
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Replies to: Depressed about staying close to home

  • happymomof1happymomof1 30022 replies181 threads Senior Member
    Nationwide, more students live at home and commute to school, than go away to school. You are having the real college experience.

    As for wanting to get out of town, pop in to the study abroad office and start learning about your options. Ask about domestic exchanges as well as international ones. Don't forget to stop at the career center too. Ask them about internships in other parts of the country. Maybe you can spen next summer far farfrom where you are now!
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  • teachandmomteachandmom 1208 replies36 threads Senior Member
    If you really wanted to go away, the rank of the school wouldn't matter. Whose to say you won't get a job over seas somewhere after graduation? Or in Chicago, or some other major city. You can always go to grad school in another part of the country, too.
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  • emeraldkity4emeraldkity4 34785 replies1076 threads Senior Member
    also got into other schools in other parts of the country, but coming from an elite prep school, I was not willing to sacrifice prestige and academics for the excitement of going away to school

    So you had other choices, but you chose not to make them.
    Face it, you are more interested in "name "than going out of town.
    Own it! :)
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  • trojaneagletrojaneagle 44 replies18 threads Junior Member
    I did have the options, but coming from a stressful enviorment academics really mattered. BC talks about how they wanted their kids to be top 10% in their class, I was probably not even top 50%. I came from an extremely intense and judging enviorment where you needed to go to the best school you got into. I know I made the right decision, but my classmates could not understand how I could turn down UCLA. I'm fortunate enough about going to college, but now I'm just having that rude wake up call that my childhood dream wouldn't come true.

    Some kids dream about going to the NBA or being proffesional baseball players. All I wanted to do was go to a good school and start a new life in a different art of the country for college. I didn't think that was too much to ask, and I'm just having trouble accepting that.
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  • MarianMarian 13230 replies83 threads Senior Member
    So when you graduate from college, move.

    My son chose a college close to home, but by the end of his time there, he was bored with the area. So he went to graduate school on the other side of the country, and after earning a master's degree, got a job there.

    There are jobs for people with business degrees in places other than Boston and New York. You'll have plenty of time to explore later.
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  • TS1125TS1125 83 replies11 threads Junior Member
    Being close to home is not as bad as you're trying to make it out to be. You'll have your family to be there for you and you'll be in a familiar environment. There's no guarantee that you'd enjoy being far away. Being from a low income family you probably haven't traveled much if at all.
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  • trojaneagletrojaneagle 44 replies18 threads Junior Member
    Yes, I haven't traveled much, so that's why I was really looking to live life somewhere new, and being low income, I felt compelled to go to the best school that accepted me. I was just so excited that in a month or two I could be starting life somewhere new, and it was a rude wake up call and a huge dissapointment. I'm having trouble getting over it.
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  • TS1125TS1125 83 replies11 threads Junior Member
    trojaneagle I am also low income and have never been on a trip across the country let alone out of state aside from about 2 hours in a neighboring state. I will be going through the application process this fall and will most likely go to a school less than 200 miles away. I would much rather be close by than across country because something could easily go wrong. Give BC a chance.
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  • BCEagle91BCEagle91 22635 replies127 threads Senior Member
    You've stated that your priorities are to go to a good school and go
    away to another area and are disappointed in the cost differential.

    I know a dad with a son that wanted this too - he felt that he was
    entitled to a private school education far from home. He had an
    acceptance halfway across the country, a state away and the in-state
    flagship. He chose the school a state away. So he had additional
    transportation costs in terms of money and time as did his parents
    when they went out to visit. The private school used up the money that
    his parents had allocated for his university expenses. He graduated
    and is now looking for a job in a very tough market. If he had gone to
    the in-state public, he would have had money left over for graduate
    school. His brother has seen this and chose a public school with low
    costs - dad will be happy to pay for his graduate school.

    Most people that I run into looking at colleges that aren't
    independently wealthy (via their parents) look at affordability and
    marketability of their degree in the job market. There are lots of
    people that went to their dream college that don't have a job or have
    a job that pays poorly trying to figure out how to pay off their
    student loans (hint, hint, NYU).

    You get a lot of nice things at Boston College. I assume that you've
    been there and already know how nice it is in terms of physical plant
    and equipment and the student body. There are tons of things to do,
    volunteering if you want to do that, sports, research, arts, etc.

    How do you get away? Perhaps doing research or other internships in
    other states? My son did a few research internships in other states.
    The people that he worked with were from a lot of differnet places
    too. It's not four years, but you would have summers in other places.

    You have a great opportunity at a great school at a great price. Your
    job is to make the most of that opportunity which could open up
    opportunities to do what you want to do later on. Work on things that
    you can change rather than worrying about things that you can't change.
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  • trojaneagletrojaneagle 44 replies18 threads Junior Member
    I agree with you. I went to an elite new england private school on scholarship and constantly being sorrounded by priviledge and wealth might have made me lose track of who I was and where I came from, but it's just tough because I feel like I'm almost like my fellow peers. What I'm dissapointed about is that most elite private schools such as Boston College give great financial aid to low income students such as myself, so I was looking forward to going to a school the same caliber of BC, for around the same price, in a difference state. If I'm receiving a $50,000 scholarship from a school, I just wished that it could have been somewhere else. I haven't really given BC a chance, and by all means, I hope that it blows me away and make me feel stupid about feeling this way.
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  • Walker1194Walker1194 988 replies17 threads Senior Member
    Don't go to college. Join the army or defer your enrollment and get a job on a cruise ship. Stop whining. It's unattractive.
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  • bluebayoubluebayou 27095 replies176 threads Senior Member
    If I'm receiving a $50,000 scholarship from a school, I just wished that it could have been somewhere else.

    You really haven't given us any info to help/suggest alternatives. But the short answer is that applying to a UC from OOS was a waste of your money. UC financial aid goes to instate kids. Did you apply to USC-Marshall? How about Emory-Goizueta? Both offer very good financial aid.

    UCLA doesn't do undergrad biz btw.
    The problem is that BC is a top 30 school, and it's really hard to beat that and get into a better school that's somewhere new.

    I strongly disagree. I'm a huge fan of BC, but it would be easy to beat/match CSOM. IMO, outside of the top handful of national b-schools, all undergrad ones are rather local.
    CSOM has a great rep in the NE, but it won't carry that far geographically. Another way to "beat" CSOM is to attend an excellent college, without biz, and major in Econ. Work for a couple of years and earn an MBA from a top school. Or better yet, have your employer pay for the MBA.
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  • lookingforwardlookingforward 35238 replies399 threads Senior Member
    Three threads with the same question, different forums.

    BC seems to be known for giving great support to bright New England kids who need a chance. I know so many in your exact position. Be grateful for the opportunity. Do well, get the internships, make contacts, and what you want will come through. It's not about having UCLA dreams dashed. That's today. Look ahead.
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  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 6675 replies141 threads Senior Member
    What you need my dear is a walk through the nearest slum. Give BC a chance. Make the most of the opportunities to go abroad and/or to do service trips into the backwaters of the US. If you get to dorm then make the most of getting out of the 'rents house. This is a first world problem. Mourn a few minutes and put it behind you :)..
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  • mom483mom483 143 replies4 threads Junior Member
    Look at the bright side - when you are an upperclassman with your own apartment, you will be spending most of your time there during Christmas break, spring break, summer break... while kids who go to college on the other side of the country are stuck at home with their boring parents until school starts up again.
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  • rachelm57rachelm57 225 replies8 threads Junior Member
    If you're miserable, spend some time away.
    Study abroad, take a gap year, join americorp for a year, go somewhere in town you have never gone before, go home rarely, eat at a new restaurant, take a road trip with friends, save up money to take a trip, volunteer.
    There are plenty of things to do that will make you feel more fortunate, like you've travelled, and give you a feeling of independence that you seem to be craving
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  • chaosakitachaosakita 1294 replies145 threads Senior Member
    I am going to school 30 minutes from my house. For a long time, I said no to Vandy because it was "too close." Now, I can't imagine going anywhere else. I have a lot of friends who have had to go there for various reasons, and they all love it. It also made me realize how excited I am to be staying in the city because I love Nashville. If Boston suburbs are anything like Nashville suburbs, the city is a whole different animal.
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  • BostonNativeBostonNative 2 replies0 threads New Member
    I just read your post and feel for you...

    I too am from the suburbs of Boston. My family moved from Boston to the south shore as I was about to start high school. I am the first in my family to attend college and was very fortunate to receive a great financial aid package from Tufts University. I was thrilled to be going to Tufts b/c it was a reach school for me and closer to home than some of my other options, which included UMass Amherst and Mount Holyoke. I also got accepted into BC, BU, and NYU, but the financial aid to these schools weren't as good as Tufts and Mount Holyoke.

    Going away for school, especially when your parents are unable to finance your schooling or social life, can be extremely challenging. Actually, I was pretty happy to be saving money since I didn't need to take a plane or bus to go from home to college and vice versa. I was able to take a local bus, subway, and commuter rail train to get home, even if the commute took 1.5 hours!! I only went home during holiday breaks, and it was nice to meet my parents in the city for lunch every now and then. While money was certainly an issue for me, I tried to make the most out of college and was able to take out a loan to study abroad in China for a semester.

    Since I didn't really get to go away for college, I decided to go away for graduate school. I only applied to schools in NYC and ended up going to Columbia. However, this time there was no financial aid (aside from student loans), and it was tough. I was excited to live in the city, but being a poor graduate student didn't allow for many luxuries! Outside of classes and internships, I tried my best to enjoy the city through either free or cheap events and activities. I got a real sense of what going to college is like when you don't have much money, and it's really hard, especially in an expensive place like NYC. However, since you are studying business, perhaps you can venture west or south for your MBA? Also, what about working in another city/abroad after college or looking into programs that fund post graduate students to study and/or do research in a foreign country, like the Fulbright Scholars program.

    Try to make the most out of the situation. As some of the other posters have mentioned, what about being a tour guide to all your new friends. I'm sure they will appreciate your knowledge and expertise regarding where to go/eat/hang out in Boston.

    Best of luck to you!
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  • cobratcobrat 12207 replies78 threads Senior Member
    You sound similar to several HS classmates I knew who ended up at Columbia and NYU in the mid '90s.

    Didn't help that Columbia back then de-prioritized dorm placements for undergrads living within 50 miles of campus so even if students wanted to dorm and parents were willing, they weren't always able to get a room.

    While NYU didn't seem to have that same issue, the fact it accepted around 1/3 of my graduating class and that so many in the middle-bottom half of the class ended up enrolling that it was viewed as an extremely expensive version of high school 2.0 by many of us.

    Incidentally, NYU's very closeness was a key factor other than miserly FA/scholarships in why I turned it down. Doesn't help that I grew up within a 10 block radius of NYU's Washington Square campus and hung out there many times as a 13-15 year old HS kid.

    Good luck and I hope you find a way to make the best of your situation.
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  • giterdonegiterdone 1398 replies12 threads Senior Member
    Your own beliefs are the bricks and mortar of the dreams you want to realize. What you believe to be true is the greatest power you have. What you believe, and the words you choose when speaking to yourself, establish the life you experience.

    Be happy and energized by the opportunities you've been given, or depressed and forlorn over the limitations imposed on you. The circumstances are the same, you must merely decide.
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