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Which is worse on a kid?

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Replies to: Which is worse on a kid?

  • CTScoutmomCTScoutmom Registered User Posts: 1,934 Senior Member
    If student B knew the parents were likely to take this course, then it is not a stab in the back. A stab in the back is the parents of the singer in Cincinnati who had to get a restraining order because they tried to bully her school.

    The parents in case B obviously thought the student would "come around" or they understood that the undergrad major really didn't matter that much. If the parents are controlling, the student should be able to recognize that long before it gets to this point, and to cut them off at the pass. Yes, there may be expenses to move to your graduate program, but students deal with that all along - unless the parents agreed to foot the bill for what the student wanted, and are now changing their mind, it is simply pressure on their part. Parents are not required to subsidize the graduate program - even our government doesn't expect that of them, or they wouldn't allow graduate students to be independent for financial aid purposes at age 21 (or younger if they manage to complete undergraduate that early).
  • mihcal1mihcal1 Registered User Posts: 1,373 Senior Member
    What about kid C whose parents try to pressure him/her into an arranged marriage?

    All these young people have the same choice: either go with the flow (if that's the culture they choose to accept) or else tell their parents to back off.

    Welcome to adulthood!
  • PizzagirlPizzagirl Registered User Posts: 40,488 Senior Member
    I understand and am very sympathetic to undergrads whose jerky, unsophisticated parents force them into certain majors. However, Catria, at what point should a young adult grow a pair? It seems highly immature to be in a PHD program and still "reporting" to parents. What are you doing to lay the groundwork so this doesn't happen? Because really, this is not an "increasing" problem in society.
  • Sop14's MomSop14's Mom Registered User Posts: 792 Member
    And if there are "upfront" costs associated with going far away for grad school, then get a job and save the money to pay for those costs. Grad school will still be there in a few years.
  • CatriaCatria Registered User Posts: 11,349 Senior Member
    Autism does complicate my personal picture, be it employment, dealings with parents or graduate school. I already had to limit my grad school applications to "close-to-home" schools (I only managed to apply to one "away-from-home" grad school before I was imposed this restriction) but they used to be supportive in my educational life before I started applying to grad schools, thus I feel like I was stabbed in the back.

    I have the feeling I'd still have to report to parents even into grad school (but perhaps it's because they have contacts with corporations who hire people with advanced physics degrees whose thesis subjects pertained to condensed matter that they want me to do condensed matter so badly, although I have to ask them about that) until I'm done with a MS, because I applied to fully funded, MS programs, where research experience doesn't matter nearly as much for admissions (I inquired about that beforehand for the programs I applied to). I crossed American PhD programs off my list for now because I had no research experience just yet, but I should consider them again once I have a MS.

    It seems that many, if not most, employers would take a neurotypical applicant over an autistic one, all else being near-equal (fluctuations could still happen) although maybe high-tech/IT firms could act a little differently (again I'm not sure) But I think the topic of the implications of autism in a job search is best discussed in another thread.
  • calla1calla1 Registered User Posts: 1,992 Senior Member
    This does change the picture a bit, Catria. Your parents are probably seeing an open employment door for you, and are hoping you will walk through it, as they fear there may not be many others. Do you despise this field? Or is the issue one of independence and wanting to choose your own path?

    Congratulations on your success thus far. Do you have a therapist or other person who can help you think through the possibilities, and help you figure out which parental behaviors are overly intrusive, and which are perhaps necessary for your continued success?

    P.S. @ Bovertine - lol!
  • CatriaCatria Registered User Posts: 11,349 Senior Member
    The only plausible reason I could come up with as to why they could pressure me into choosing a supervisor doing condensed matter research (contacts with employers) turned out to be false. They really didn't have contacts with corporations that hired people with advanced physics degrees in condensed matter. :(

    I'm not a grad student yet (although I will be one next fall) but I know better than my parents what jobs I can get with a MS whose thesis subject pertains to astrophysics/cosmology. There really is one thing left to do to convince my parents in this case: come up with examples of employers that hire(d) people with advanced astronomy/cosmology degrees, since I convinced them that a physics major is employable in the past. (And, if faculty at my school is correct, there has to be, since they also claimed that unemployment rates for people with advanced physics degrees is <1% across all subfields)
  • CatriaCatria Registered User Posts: 11,349 Senior Member
    Or perhaps employers that would hire people with advanced physics degrees irrespective of subfield...
  • PizzagirlPizzagirl Registered User Posts: 40,488 Senior Member
    It seems that many, if not most, employers would take a neurotypical applicant over an autistic one, all else being near-equal (fluctuations could still happen) although maybe high-tech/IT firms could act a little differently (again I'm not sure) But I think the topic of the implications of autism in a job search is best discussed in another thread.

    Wow, that's a huge detail that changes everything.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,663 Senior Member
    Catria wrote:
    Or perhaps employers that would hire people with advanced physics degrees irrespective of subfield...

    If you actually try for physics research jobs with a PhD in physics, then the subfield obviously does matter (this might also apply if you try to cross over into engineering jobs). But physics PhDs who spill into other job markets like CS and finance (where some (not all) employers are willing to hire "smart people who can handle mathematical and logical tasks and can therefore learn the needed skills on the job"), the subfield probably makes no difference, since the employers won't even be able to tell the difference beyond the top level general description.

    Some articles that may be of interest regarding autism and the computer industry:
    Schumpeter: In praise of misfits | The Economist
    The Tech Industry's Asperger Problem: Affliction Or Insult?
    Wired 9.12: The Geek Syndrome
  • CatriaCatria Registered User Posts: 11,349 Senior Member
    After reading this, high-tech/IT firms seem to be more friendly towards autists, among which there could be physics PhDs.
  • collegealum314collegealum314 Registered User Posts: 6,768 Senior Member
    Hm...well, I do think that the condensed matter subfield is more employable than the astronomy/cosmology subfield if you intend to work in something that actually uses the advanced training and if you are seriously interested in an industry jobs. Of course, there are jobs in academia if you can get one.

    There are plenty of high tech jobs which need people with quantitative backgrounds. However, some of these may be more uncomfortable for people with Asperger's (I assume this is the kind of autism you have) because they may be more people-oriented. If you have some programming skills, you may be able to do technical consulting. Other than building a customer base (which your physics contacts could potentially help with), it may not require as much teamwork and day-to-day interaction with people as normal engineering jobs. I know people who do this who aren't in the same state as their clients.

    I question the wisdom of choosing a subfield which you don't like though. This can create a lot of problems. In a PhD, you are literally expected to know everything related to your research topic. Are you going to want to do that in a field which doesn't interest you? It's going to be torture. PhDs are hard enough just because of the trial-and-error nature of scientific research.

    I suggest you spend a couple of years in a PhD program in cosmology/astronomy and at that point ask your advisor about your chances for a "next-level" job. Hopefully, they will be honest with you.
  • collegealum314collegealum314 Registered User Posts: 6,768 Senior Member
    After reading this, high-tech/IT firms seem to be more friendly towards autists, among which there could be physics PhDs.

    This is probably true. There is also some "neurotypical" people who don't have the best social skills either, so they wouldn't necessarily be able to distinguish who had Asperger's even if they had a bias.
  • collegealum314collegealum314 Registered User Posts: 6,768 Senior Member
    Sorry for the grammar folks...I hate the no-edit rule.
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